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I'm a 26-year-old female living with my parents. Quick backstory: I failed out of college the first time I went, moved in with my abusive ex for three years, then moved back in with my parents because they offered to pay for college if I lived with them. I just graduated (finally), I have a steady job now, and I'm moving out soon. But my mom has no concept of boundaries at all. I smoke weed and she hates it. She doesn't want to know when I go to buy or smoke some weed but she doesn't want me to lie to her either. She asks me where I'm going when I leave the house. I can't just not say anything.

Recently I left my phone at home. She brought it to work for me but saw a text from a name she didn't recognize. Instead of being a normal mother of a 26 year old, she freaked out and demanded to know who I was texting (after thinking about it and getting more and more angry). So I told her it was someone I was having casual sex with (which is the truth). Cue panic. Apparently I'm not respecting myself and I'm going to be an "old shoe" (her words) by the time I'm married.

How do I talk to my mom about the fact that she needs to respect my boundaries? It's exhausting to lie to her, but she obviously doesn't want to hear the truth. She doesn't want to hear that I'm having sex, so I don't tell her. But that's not ok with her either, apparently. I'm really conflicted. My mom makes me feel like shit but I know she's disappointed in me because my life is not where I or her expected it to be. But I feel like I definitely don't need to tell her who I'm having sex with, and I don't have to justify my actions to her. Help.

Daughter's Angry Mom Needs Evading Daily

Actually, DAMNED, you can just not say anything. You can even actively lie. Because someone who flips out when you tell them the truth about something that's none of their business has forfeited their (technically non-existent) right to be told the truth—and that goes double for parental someones who insist on not being lied to but flip out when the truth isn't to their liking.

Start running your mother on a need-to-know basis, DAMNED, and your mother doesn't need to know when you're going on a weed run or who you're fucking or where you're fucking them. So the next time mom asks about a stray text message, DAMNED, just smile and say, "He's just a friend [that I'm fucking]." The part in brackets—"[that I'm fucking]"—is silent. You don't have to say that part out loud and you shouldn't say that part out loud. Because it's none of your mom's fucking business. And if she narrows her eyes and stares at you and asks again, DAMNED, doubledown on the lie: "Yes, mom, that's all. Just a friend [that I'm fucking]." If she keeps at it, change the subject. If she won't let you change the subject, leave the room.

Want your mother to respect your boundaries, DAMNED? Establish and enforce them.

And finally, DAMNED, tune out your mother's slut-shaming bullshit and don't allow her to undermine you or minimize your accomplishments. You got out of a shitty relationship, you got through college, you got a good job, and you're gonna get out on your own soon. You're living at home right now, true, but lots of people in their early twenties are living with their parents these days—and not all of them have as much to show for it as you do, DAMNED. You took advantage of your parents' generous offer but it was the right sort of advantage taking. You should be proud of yourself.