Whats not to love?
What's not to love? aiisha5/Getty

Today, Seattle Times' FYI Guy Gene Balk reported on a new survey from global market information services company J.D. Power, which polled 26,000 vacationers to the top 50 tourist markets in the U.S. Apparently, they were asked more than 100 questions about different parts of their trip. At the end, Seattle ranked 37th among the 50 destinations, with a score of 785 out of a possible 1,000. WTF?

I visited Seattle three times over a year, ostensibly as a tourist, and ultimately decided to move here (and Seattle is No. 6 in the country, as far as best places to live). Each trip was during very different times of year; in December, the winter (when it was cold, grey and rainy); in April, the spring (when it was green and cool, though I happened to be here during an unseasonable warm spell that I'm sure Seattlites complained about but felt rather lovely to me); and in July, mid-summer (which still felt pretty nice to this Florida girl who spent a good dozen years driving around in one of the country's most humid and wretchedly hot states without AC).

So, my first question is, when did these people visit? The survey was conducted between February and July of 2016, so if they came when it was still winter, then yes, of course they poo-pooed the place; I mean, we've seen only a few sunny days since Trump won the presidency in November (yesterday was a particularly fine one—who else enjoyed that??), and while it wasn't so miserable this time last year, winter is definitely not the best time to plan a vacation here.

My next questions are, where did these people eat, play, stay? What did they do while hating on this place so much? (Obviously, these so-called tourists didn't visit any of the sites Charles Mudede touched upon in his alternative tour of Seattle, which you can watch below. My guess is the Space Needle...)

According to the survey, it's all about the money—Seattle is expensive. Hotels.com ranked Seattle ninth in its look at the most expensive places to book a room in 2016, only a few dollars below LA and Philadelphia as far as nightly stay rates go. We have some pretty epic nature here, but that puts tourists on the road in our terrible traffic, service industry staff isn't friendly enough, we aren't safe, and we don't have enough public facilities. We got props for the variety and quality of food and drink offerings, there's alot to see and do here—we've got culture and that aforementioned nature—and public transit and clean metro areas rank better than other cities (even though you hear people who live here complain about the former incessantly).

The top ranking destination? Las Vegas. Duh, that place was built to be visited.

Ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, it's a fucking survey and matters pretty much not at all. I say, fuck you to all those dissatisfied vacationers. Go to Vegas next time. OK, I didn't mean it... Come back in the spring, we'd love to have you!