This is the sort of thing that should make you 'mildly nauseous.' Swaying an election to the detriment of America should make you downright ill. Credit: lolostock/Getty
This is the sort of thing that should make you mildly nauseous. Swaying an election to the detriment of America should make you downright ill.
This is the sort of thing that should make you ‘mildly nauseous.’ Swaying an election to the detriment of America should make you downright ill. lolostock/Getty

Today FBI Director James Comey testified that he’s “mildly nauseous” over the idea that he might have swayed the election and tilted it away from an entirely competent, sane, lifelong politician, to an orange-tinted madman with no discernible skills or intelligence or grasp on basic history or facts.

This seems like an understatement, maybe?

Here are a few things that make me mildly nauseous:

—Three-day-old fish leftovers.

—A boat ride.

—Uni sushi.

—Watching someone pick their teeth.

—Thinking about going back to work on Sunday night.

—Kim Karshasian’s butt-filler.

—Russell Wilson having sex.

—The time the Seahawks lost the Super Bowl because they didn’t pass the ball to Marshawn.

—A spider crawling up my leg.

—Sex with Billy Bob Thornton.

—Ted Cruz’s face.

—Cat puke.

—Picking up the dog’s poop.

—Mike Pence doing anything.

—Stepping in a fresh loogie.

—Rancid meat.

Know what wouldn’t make me feel mildly nauseous? Tilting the election toward this fucking madmen.

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That would make me sick. Does make me sick.

James Comey. Go home, you’re drunk.