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I have been reading your column since I was 19. Recently turned 27. I look forward to reading it every week. With that being said let's get to it...

Just a few weeks ago I attended a party at my boyfriend's parent's house. His best friend and his best friend's girlfriend were there. They have had relationship issues the past two years. She had cheated on him. They also have a daughter together. They mentioned that both of them are having sexual relations with their neighbor, a woman, who also has a child. This struck a nerve. I can understand the lengths you can go to repair a relationship. But I am the jealous type. I would not enjoy my man fucking another woman in front of me. Our sex life is too incredible. I would never want to jeopardize that. Truth be told, I can lick that boy's ass all day! I always believed threesomes were for people who were not in committed relationships. I have always assumed they were for those looking for experimental kicks. (1.) How can couples actually go through with sharing their partner without wanting to punch the third person in the face? (2.) Won't the third party feel used as a tool to fix a damaged relationship? I have all types of sexual fantasies while my boyfriend fucks me, sometimes I do fantasize about what it would be like to have a threesome, though I know I would never have the balls to invite another living soul to join in. I get we are all entitled to our own opinions, so bottom line: (3.) Can threesomes do more harm than good? (4.) Or vice versa? (5.) Also why would him telling me about his best friend's sex life piss me off to the point of no return? It's not like it has anything to do with our relationship. (6.) Is it just pent up aggression I have towards the mentioning of threesomes in general?

Flummoxed And Questioning

Here we go...

1. If either half of a couple feels they might want to punch the third person in the face before, during, or after a threesome, that couple shouldn't have a threesome. Threesomes aren't for everyone—and I generally don't recommend them to the jealous or the violent. But rest assured: hundreds of thousands of people have threesomes every week (that's my best guesstimate), and very few third parties—or first or second parties—wind up getting punched in the face.

2. The third party will only feel like a tool if the couple they're sleeping with is using them as one—and maybe not even then, if the couple so using them successfully masks their motives. But the overwhelming majority of couples who have threesomes are having them for fun, LOQ, not to repair a damaged or deficient relationship. I suspect you're projecting here, LOQ. Since you could only imagine having a threesome to save a relationship (a hallelujah puss?), you're assuming that's the only reason any couple would ever have a threesome. For the record: saving a relationship is a terrible reason to have a threesome (or a child) and no couple should have a threesome (or a child) for that reason and no person should join a couple as a third party (or a first born) if they suspect they're only there to save the relationship.

3. A threesome can do more harm than good—sure, yeah, of course. An ill-advised or well-advised or drunken or sober or impromptu or planned threesome can go horribly, horribly wrong and do harm. But the same can be said of an ill-advised or well-advised or drunken or sober, etc., twosome, LOQ.

4. Yes, a threesome can do more good than harm. It's even possible for a threesome to only do good. Harmless threesomes happen all the time, LOQ, but we're far likelier to hear about threesomes that go horribly wrong and do great harm. Threesomes that lead to major fights, breakups, or jury trials are the ones we gossip about or read about in the news. Unlike our twosome sample (unhappy twosomes are balanced by all the happy couples we see everywhere), our threesome sample is hopelessly skewed. You know happy, loving, content couples who've had threesomes, LOQ, you just don't know you know them because most couples who've had them don't blurt fact out at parties.

5. Based on your line of questioning, LOQ, I'd say it's because you're not entirely rational where the subject of threesomes is concerned. People who aren't rational about threesomes, of course, shouldn't have threesomes. That said, there are lots of people out there who aren't entirely rational where the subject of twosomes are concerned and that doesn't seem to stop them from coupling up.

6. It could be pent up aggression or it could be honest curiosity. But for someone with no interest in threesomes, LOQ, you sure do have a lot of questions about them. You might be surprised to learn that you'll find at least one person at any given threesome—the first, second, or third party—who once believed they would never want to have a threesome. You might be one of those persons someday, LOQ.

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