I (27f) have been with my partner (32m) for 3.5 years, living together for 2.5 years. We have a joint bank account, spend time talking about our future life and spend most of our free time together doing fun adventurous stuff. My family and friends (and I) all agree he is a lovely guy. Here's the catch we fight (resulting in me eventually breaking down in tears) on nearly a daily basis. Usually it's not about anything significant and it always escalates so quickly I find it difficult afterwards to pin down the moment it went from conversation to argument.
The other issue is that he can get over an argument easily—ten minutes later he's back to his happy, cheery self while I feel upset about arguments and what was said for hours or even days after. The result of all this is I'm seriously questioning if this really is the person I want to be with forever or if I should end it now before I end up in a hellish marriage. The idea of breaking up with him sometimes fills me with dread and other times I have no emotional feeling about it what so ever.
Trying Endlessly, Arguing Relentlessly
Slap this R on the scales, TEAR. Put joy and contentment on one side, anger and conflict on the other. If anger and conflict outweigh joy and contentment, then you'll need to DTMFA.
I am a fairly recent listener, my partner has been a long time listener. Of course I am looking for advice on my relationship with my partner. I don't think there is much of an answer to give but an insight or thoughts outside of our own would be nice. We have been together for almost two years now. We have a fairly good relationship, with good communication. The positives are we do love each other. It's a very strong connection together. This translates between sex and nonsexual aspects of our relationship.
The downside, he has expressed that he can't see a future where he settles down with anyone. I do a lot of things that I don't believe he is aware I do to ensure our relationship goes smoothly. When I drop those things things get bumpy... and then he questions if we are cut out for each other. When these situations arise my goal is to tackle the problem head-on and find a solution. I see them as obstacles that have solutions. He sees them as our incompatibilities and means that we aren't compatible at all. Currently, we are taking some time, and when we talk again, I am at a loss how to work it out this time.
He has expressed that he sees no future for us, and wants off this circle we are going in, and if that's his choice, then I have no option but to respect his choice. Without his want, there is nothing I can do. I can't make him want this relationship. I don't want to lose him.
Losing Our Special Thing
You've already lost him, LOST, but what exactly have you lost? A guy who can't commit, manipulates you into doing all the emotional labor, and is constantly eyeing the exit. In other words... you haven't lost much. And if he wants out and is constantly looking for grounds to end things, there's
very little nothing you can do short of locking him a cage to keep him. It's over, LOST, but you'll feel better if you DTMFA him before he DTMFAs you.
I'm Italian, so I apologise for any mistake I'll do with the language.
I'm a 22-year-old straight guy, and I have a relationship with my 21-year-old girlfriend since January 2015. I've been her first boyfriend and she lost her virginity with me. The problem is that I am a very open person in the sexual sphere, since I'm curious to try new things like roleplays or different sexual practices, and I also have a fetish for boots and latex. She is the complete opposite: she doesn't want to try anything that goes further from the traditional and conventional sex, and also she doesn't want to support any of my sexual fantasies or fetishes because she would feel "embarrassed." I told her I would support her fantasies and I encouraged her to tell them to me but she always tells me she doesn't have any. On the other hand, in the non-sexual sphere she is my perfect soul mate, and we get along well on almost everything. But the sexual sphere is important too in my opinion, and it's difficult to stay with a person who doesn't match you. What could I do? Should I have to break up with her?
I'm Thinking A Lot, Yes?
I'm not going to tell you to DTMFA—"Dump The MotherFucker Already"—but I will give you a warning: Someone can't be your "perfect soul mate" in the context of a sexually-exclusive relationship unless the "sexual sphere" works too. I constantly receive letters from people who made the mistake of committing to partners who didn't support their sexualities/fetishes/kinks, etc. It's a recipe for frustration, resentment, and a much messier breakup down the road.
But I don't think you should dump your girlfriend or that she should dump you—not yet, at least. Instead you should continue to talk about the importance of embracing each other's sexualities—her embracing yours, you embracing hers—as that's the only way you'll be able to make this work longterm. If she can't embrace yours because it doesn't work with hers, you may need to part ways. But there are no motherfuckers here—just two people who might not be sexually compatible.
That said, ITALY, there are two kinds of people you meet at big fetish/kink events (the kinds of places where you might see, oh, cute Italian boys gimped out in full latex): people who were always kinky and the people who fell in love with them. You're both young and you really like each other. I think you should keep seeing her and continue to have the conventional sex you both enjoy while making it clear that your kinks aren't going away and will need to be either incorporated or accommodated at some point.