Slog
News & ArtsThursday, September 23, 2010
Homo / News Gay Teenager Kills Himself In Wisconsin
Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Sep 23, 2010 at 10:07 AM
Cody J. Barker, 17, of Shiocton, Wis., took his life on Sept. 13. Barker attended Shiocton High School, where he was active in choir. In August he attended a seminar and planned to start a gay/straight alliance at his school. He held a job at Fleet Farm in Appleton.Maria Peeples, Barker’s peer mentor through GSA for Safe Schools, said he was a passionate activist for all students, especially those, “targeted or ostracized for their sexual orientation or their gender identity and expression... He really cared about making schools a safe place for students. That wasn’t always his own experience with school.”
According to a Web posting, Baker loved history, James Bond movies and Lady Gaga. He was described as an “extremely selfless” young man who enjoyed spending time with his friends, tending his rose plants, biking and reading.
A reader in Wisconsin who knew Cody writes...
I recently viewed your It Gets Better You Tube video you made with Terry. I was immediately touched by it and know it must resonate with so many youth.Here in the Fox Valley—Appleton, Wisconsin, and surrounding cities—we have been touched by too many recent LGBT teen suicides. Most recently Cody Barker. We have a great organization that I work with in Appleton called Harmony Cafe. They have a weekly support group for gay teens and Cody was one of these teens. On Monday another gay teen attempted suicide. In talking with other out LGBT leadership here in the Valley we were hoping to get a message to youth that adults from here in the Fox Valley have made it out and it does get better. Then I saw your video. I am hoping we can do a similar project for the Fox Valley LGBT youth but with a video using a number of LGBT couples right here in Appleton, perhaps from area schools. I know many of us who have similar stories.
For more about me, you can check out a recent article also in the Gazette which talks about my program being at risk to be cut.
2
I'm from Appleton, WI and lived in terror each day of high school that I would be outed. It truly does get better. I came out as soon as I left.
4
I'm 100% behind this project Dan, but I think your YouTube channel alone gets lost in the internet maelstrom too easily to be found in time by enough of these kids. I'm trying to think of ways to sell this more. If most of the people who really need to hear this message are being harassed at school and at home they may not have the opportunities to come across this by chance.
6
true @4. pass it on every way you can. facebook, etc.
it is on the KOMO news website, as of last night and this morning. let's get it picked up by CNN and the rest! everybody, submit it as a news tip.
it is on the KOMO news website, as of last night and this morning. let's get it picked up by CNN and the rest! everybody, submit it as a news tip.
7
Oh god, shouldn't have watched this while at work. Sobbing like a baby. Such a beautiful project Dan. So much good will come from this.
8
Posted your video on my blog. Thank you for giving us something constructive to do with all this tragedy. We can get the message out: It DOES get better! (And it sure as hell does!)
Thanks for all you do,
Namaste,
Lee
Thanks for all you do,
Namaste,
Lee
9
@7 - That's why I won't watch this at work. I have no walls here, and I tear up just reading about the project.
10
Here's hoping that the Lawrence LGBT group is still running strong and playing a part in this -- with the cafe being on the east edge of campus, I can't imagine they aren't partially behind this effort.
13
Dear, Cody Barker. So sorry that you thought this was your only option. We've lost all you could uniquely bless us with and in doing so my heart breaks. I wish you had lived to be a light in the darkness for your peers and future generation. I wish I could say as someone who has faced your demons, but as a straight girl, it does get better. And, holding on to one small thing in the future, counting the days till it arrives and then picking something new to count towards helped me find that reason. Rest in peace.
14
What you guys are doing is so important. I have many friends that struggled with eating disorders, cutting, and suicidal thoughts in high school, because the idea of coming out was so terrifying to them. I wish this sort of project was available to them at the time...If this only saves one life, it'll be worth it.
My thoughts and prayers are with the Barker family. I can't imagine what it would be like to have your child take their life.
My thoughts and prayers are with the Barker family. I can't imagine what it would be like to have your child take their life.
15
sigh...these poor kids, and not just the queer ones...ANY kid who is "different" in high school: too faggy, or a different skin color, or "gothy", or dev. different, or too fat, or too skinny, or "odd" looking-gets picked on. I love Dan's project but the problem is, for kids, time moves a lot slower than for adults....4 or 6 or 8 years or a lifetime of torture is a lot to endure. High school graduation can seem a long way off if you're an effemintate 13 year old who has been picked on every day of your life since kindergarten.
16
Goddamnit. I just started eating lunch and this stopped me cold. So, so sorry, Cody. So sorry nobody reached you in time.
18
CNN tells me via email that they are reviewing it and will get back to me if they decide to use it.
20
@19 LFBR, that is brilliant. I hope it catches on as the new "It Gets Bettter Project" mantra.
LGBT - Life Gets Better Tomorrow
Love it!
LGBT - Life Gets Better Tomorrow
Love it!
21
I knew Cody since 6th grade. He was a wonderful, sensitive guy. No one knew, not even his best friend. He did leave messages; his partner recently broke up with him. One the day he took his life, he seemed like always - happy, content. We grieve; if only he had shared his thoughts. His funeral was one of the largest in such a small town. He will be missed so much. Pray for his family, friends, loved ones. I am not gay, but how does that matter? And why should it? I am tired of people condemning because of race, sexuality, religion. To those teens - High school sucks. But it is really such a short time, and the world is really a very cool place, it DOES get oh so much better!! If you really feel you can't handle it anymore, PLEASE don't kill yourself. Talk to someone - ANYONE. I've been through this way too many times, and it just keeps getting harder.
22
@21: Thanks for your comment, DG. It's lovely to know that despite everything, he had friends who loved him.
23
This kid wasn't harassed.
But it DOES get better.
As soon as one starts making better choices.....
But it DOES get better.
As soon as one starts making better choices.....
24
To Reap the WhirlWind...how can you say getting called "faggot" isn't being harrassed? Snide remarks made by those who were suppose to be your "friends"...No, it might not have been blatent and "out there", but yes, Cody was harassed; made to feel belittled because he was gay. True, he had a good deal of friends who accepted him for himself, but being made to feel different does get old fast.
25
I AM the parent of 2 kids that attend Cody's school and I am all to familiar with the probelems at the school and with living in such a small town. The school does not want to admitt that there is a problem with bullying but both of my children have been bullied at this same school. I will be attending the school board meeting and I will follow thru until somthing changes, this has to stop. Who cares what color your skin is, how short, tall thin or fat you are if you are gay or straight we are all entitled to an education and we send our children to school each day trusting that the teachers and staff will protect them and they will feel safe but I believe that 7 out of 10 kids at SHS will tell you differently. They dread going to school, don't feel accepted, safe or happy, how sad. Parents step up and scream "THIS STOPS NOW" god made each of us and he doesn't make mistakes.
26
It's breaking my heart that these suicides are happening, and even more now that the Upper Midwest is being affected now. I grew up in Iowa right across from Wisconsin and currently go to school in Minnesota. Where is the support for these teens?
27
i am a 16 year old and i am BI and i am proud to be one. At my school we have the best support system that everyone likes how we help each other out. The day we all found out in LGBT we all felt so bad because that could be us if we never had the support from the teachers, students, and our own friends. Many of us may think i should not say anything to anyone but then when you see someone eles do what you were wanting to do then you tell yourself that it will get better. I beleave that alot of teens do it because they think that their family, friends, teachers would not understand but they really dont because they are nto us. If you are getting bullied because you are into guys and girls, just guys, guy and guy, or girl and girl. BELEAVE IN YOURSELF BECAUSE I BELEAVE IN YOU
28
oh my gosh he when to mu school he was so so nice i wish that people would exept people on the people they chose to like and love and think that the resl idead is the just let everyone be and live their own lives and just let people be guy and bi but he should not have toacken his live like that he could of gotten help at school i would of if i was him
29
I was sad to read about this, I found out about him through a song "make it stop (September's children)" by rise against, it is a very emotional song... During it it lists five or so kids that committed suicide because they were gay. The song calls for change and people to stand up for other's rights. It doesn't matter if you are a guy kissing another guy or a guy kissing a girl, you shouldn't judge people because of who the choose to kiss. They have the same humane rights as every one of us and they are not so different from us. Don't bully people because they are different. When I was in sixth grade (I am
In tenth now) i was bullied for being different (I have a learning disability and ADHD) it sucked but I forced my self through it. I started to stand up for my self and life does get better. Remember suicide is not the answer. Talk to someone such as a close friend or your parents, they will help you through. I dont know what I would have done if I didn't have my friend Matt or my parents to help me. Take away from this message: life WILL get better don't end your's early
In tenth now) i was bullied for being different (I have a learning disability and ADHD) it sucked but I forced my self through it. I started to stand up for my self and life does get better. Remember suicide is not the answer. Talk to someone such as a close friend or your parents, they will help you through. I dont know what I would have done if I didn't have my friend Matt or my parents to help me. Take away from this message: life WILL get better don't end your's early
30
this is so SAD! im crying i hate when people commit suicide. i have thought about it but i remembered that you only live once and youre life could always get better you just have to ignore bullies and live your own life!
31
I'd just like to say- "Gay Teenager Kills Himself In Wisconsin"
Being gay doesn't define you. If this kid were straight, it wouldn't say "Straight Teenager Kills Himself In Wisconsin".
Cody, I'm so sorry. I hope it's better for you now. I love you.
Being gay doesn't define you. If this kid were straight, it wouldn't say "Straight Teenager Kills Himself In Wisconsin".
Cody, I'm so sorry. I hope it's better for you now. I love you.
33
holy crap he died on my birthday, I felt bad when I read it now its made me feel even worse. I was also brought here by the Rise Against song and it is just tragic that someone would take their life just for being "different".
34
This really speaks to me all these people don't need to die. For you know the people who were the reasons for these people's death. They were jerks there's nothing wrong with being gay it's a part of life get over it please this is stupied. For the people for killing anybody cause of bulling, do you know how selfish you are and it's never to late to change that. You've made there famliys miserble. And guess what
It's all cause of you. You crushed someone's heart you should be the one to die not them comment me back if you agree or don't and tell me why cause what you did was wrong. My point is what did this person ever do to you. You might thing your so great but really you just killed some one who could have been a great friend and your not a good friend you should be in jail right now!
It's all cause of you. You crushed someone's heart you should be the one to die not them comment me back if you agree or don't and tell me why cause what you did was wrong. My point is what did this person ever do to you. You might thing your so great but really you just killed some one who could have been a great friend and your not a good friend you should be in jail right now!
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