Prostitutes Deserve Pillows For Their Knees

Usually, the emails we receive from religious nuts come in the form of passive-aggressive death threats and other vitriolic gibberish.

So I was pleased to receive this email today that wasn’t demanding that half our staff “GO live in France pussy you faggots“—instead, the letter’s all about how to reform the laws of government to better protect prostitutes’ knees. Crock potted but sweet, right?

Here’s the entirety of the email, sic throughout:

A man was sitting on the public bench, when a lady in forties walked up to and sat down… she started talking to him explaining that she had just gotten out of the hospital for surgery on her knees. She began to explain that she was once an amatuer porn star, prostitute… Prostitution she said, was the reason for her knees being permanently damaged.

She said she would have sex on hard floors, hard counters, without protection for her knees. Now her knees are scard for tubes entering them along with the permanent damage to her walk. Not too mention her sex life will not allow her to have sex when she is on her knees. This isn’t the only case in the world of porn stardom and prostitution. Many older prostitutes have reported damages being done to their knees, to where they have pain because of their working world.

So the government is bring new laws into the world of prostitution. Just like carpenters are required knee protection, and other forms of construction require knee pads, laws are coming for prostitutes to bring knee protection to their employment, whether throw pillows, or decorative matting, there is to be no knees to any hard material, from floors, to pool tables, etc. It is almost sadness that these laws have not come prior do to damages done to womens knees.

Other laws fo prostitution come, form the movement into religious government… God teaches that prostitution is not sin, King David, and Joeseph husband to the mother of Jesus Christ was born from prostitution. It was prostitutes who helped saved God’s people from kings throughout stories in the Bible, and God allows the art of nudity… but what God does not allow in porn stardom are orgies, more than one on one mating sex, or lesbian, along with any homosexual acts in the world of prostitution. With the world being of God’s and Religious Government Laws being taught to the world, we can only expect these laws in the porn industry to come. America is build from in God we trust, and one nation under God… At least God allows, pornography, but we are to keep it in cleanse nature.

The letter, which was sent by the United Freedom Front (I’m guessing not the same UFF as this one), gets around to condemning homosexuality but it’s almost refreshing how polite the letter-writer is about it. The group’s other views—such as “Satanism is against the law” and “Holiness gives taxes to people,” oh, and the nation’s Sorcery War—can be found over here.