BEEFCAKE
Okay. SETTLE DOWN now, y’all. We have to talk. I just caught wind of the most terrible rumor ever, and it really freaked my freaking freak out. (Yes, my freaking freak. It’s that serious, gay people.) Why? Because it’s a terrible, absurd, way-too-disturbing-to-be-true thing, and I heard it from two almost completely unrelated sources on the VERY SAME AFTERNOON: (a) via the purdy mouth of a credible source, and (b) from someone else entirely. Perhaps you’ve heard this terrible thing yourself, I figure, and are at this very moment quivering in a dank basement somewhere, pulling your hair, weeping like a tortured tween. And I understand completely: Were it true, we might as well just burn Seattle to the ground, nuke the fucking ashes, and take a gigantic crap in the smoking crater. (Yes, THAT SERIOUS.) It is:
PONY IS CLOSING. COMPLAINY NEIGHBORS OR SOMETHING.
Oh! Em! GEEEEEzzzuzz! Stop panicking, ladypants, please. (You’re embarrassing us both.) REST ASSURED! It’s nothing but a pack of filthy LIES. Everyone involved in Pony in any way whatsoever has SCOFFED and/or POOH-POOHED, and/or vehemently DENIED this heinous lie en masse, so, you know, whew. Sunny days! Obamacare! True lurve! Gigantic donkey dicks! It isn’t happening!
But this is nothing if not a wake-up call. Perhaps we all need to lurve our Pony a little more, every single day. (It is the Best Gay Bar in the City Ever™, after all—and we’ve lost it once before.) And I confess: I’m the worst. Example? I’ve never (never!) expressed any appreciation for Pony’s every-first-Friday thing called BEEFCAKE—a sexy tribute to retro gay art and music that celebrates the monthly release of Seattle Male Pictorial. The night features DJ Jack and King of Pants, and if you haven’t been to one yet, please! We dodged the rumor bullet this time. Tomorrow is promised to no fag. (Also, stop spreading evil bullshit, liars!) Pony, 9 pm, free, 21+.
BACON STRIP
It’s impossible to mention another fucking Bacon Strip, because it reminds me that “summer” is flying by and I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT. (FUCK YOU, weather!) So. “Saturday Night Beaver” is the theme. Re-bar, 10 pm, $10, 21+.
I’ve rarely been happier to Enlarge this Image.
I’d be more inclined to help Pony if they had better drinks. Ordered a lemon drop there during pride weekend and it was the worst thing I’ve ever had. Like some terrible watered down club soda with a little lemon in it and a hint of Vodka. Maybe it was just one bad bartender, who knows. Photos of naked men on the wall are nice but if you want to bring people and keep people, you gotta have awesome drinks. Which is why I like Purr better most of the time, good drinks.
Pony is not a frou frou drink kind of bar…it’s a bar for drinking beer, whisky, rum & coke or gin & tonics. It has vintage porn on the walls. It is NOT a lemon drop bar. Neither is The Eagle. I love frou frou drinks (I love all drinks) but you don’t order them in certain bars or whine about their quality if you’re foolish enough to do so.