I need the post office. According to rough calculation, I’ve spent at least 1,200 hours inside of post offices over the past 13 years. That’s 50 days worth of standing in line in a place that most of the time looks and smells like an elementary school hallway. I’ve sent thousands of records all over the world with the help of the USPS, at a price that I’d consider rather fair. I can only recall a few times when a package didn’t end up where it was supposed to. Eventually I stopped sending records and began selling paintings though the mail. I can mail a 24″x24″ painting of Clara Peller to NYC for $15! With all of these compliments, you might be asking yourself, where’s the beef?
- Take a break, tiger.
According to recent reports, the USPS is in big financial trouble. There’s talk of the mail behemoth halting Saturday delivery or maybe closing its doors altogether. As I stood in line at the Central District location last Monday, I could understand why. I arrived at the 23rd Avenue post office at 2 pm with a packaged painting of Bill Cosby with a snake tongue addressed to an air force base in North Carolina. There were three people in line in front of me and two clerks, so I figured I’d be in and out. As I settled into line the woman directly in front of me let out a long sigh and mumbled to herself, “This is ridiculous.” That’s when I noticed one of the clerks was helping a man who seemed to have an endless pile of small boxes to send. After looking closer, I noticed nothing was really happening in the way of progress. They were just having a conversation about Wisconsin.
“Have you ever been up to Eagle River in the springtime?”
“I sure have. I love Tremblay’s candy shop.”
“Oh, me too! Have you had their taffy?”
“Yes, I have. It’s the best.”
“It is the best!”
I remember the conversation well, because I’ve been to Eagle River, WI. I’ve also been to Tremblay’s candy shop. The taffy there is really good. I almost wanted to chime in and ask if they’ve ever been to the store that only sells Christmas ornaments all year long. What I wanted to do more was heave a handful of CN22 customs forms at the both of them. At that exact moment, the other clerk finished up with their customer and decided to go on a break. The woman in front of me sighed again. I looked at my phone, it was 2:12 pm.
The CN22 customs form is necessary when sending a package outside of the USA that weighs over 16 ounces and under four pounds. They’re also necessary when sending packages to military bases. Since a painting of Bill Cosby with a snake tongue going to an air force base weighs about 3 pounds, I filled one out. Then I noticed that the line behind me had added five people. A woman nearby shuffled through the compartments of forms on the table by which we were all standing. All of the compartments were labeled with what was supposed to be in each of them, but the wrong forms seemed to fill each compartment. The CN22 forms were where the CP72 forms were supposed to be. Just then a man came from behind the counter and yelled, “Is anybody here to pick up a package?” Everybody looked up but nobody was, so the line grew quiet. A teenager at the automatic postal machine asked for help because something was wrong with the machine but the man from behind the counter insisted that he could only help people who needed to pick up a package. There are procedures at the post office! I looked at my phone. It was 2:33 pm.
I helped the woman looking through forms find the one she needed. At first she questioned me because the compartment the form was in said that it was for packages over four pounds, but I pointed out on the form that it was simply in the wrong compartment. She tried each of the provided pens on table, but none of them worked. I let her use my pen and she did. I guess now is a good time to explain that the post office runs in my blood. My grandfather was a mail carrier for many years. I didn’t know him very well, he died when I was six or so. Apparently my father was a carrier for many years as well, but I didn’t know him at all. I used to tell people that I was destined to carry mail when I was a teenager and was delighted to read Post Office by Charles Bukowski when I was 15, when you’re supposed to read and like Charles Bukowski.
Eventually the last postal clerk standing finished the conversation about Wisconsin and the man with many packages headed for the door. By this time the sighing woman had given up and left the line. There was only one man between me and what I knew would be a terse exchange with the postal clerk. I knew I wouldn’t be able to help it, my ears were hot, I had turned into a grump. It was 2:46 pm. Just then a man came from behind the counter and yelled, “Is anybody here to pick up a package?” Everybody looked up but nobody was, so the line grew quiet. The customer now at the counter only had one package, but couldn’t decide if he wanted any of the services that the USPS can provide when shipping a package. There are so many to choose from: Delivery Confirmation™, Certified Mail™, Signature Confirmation™, Express Mail®, Priority Mail™, Registered Mail™, insurance, etc. I noticed that the clerk seemed pre-programmed to mumble all of these options in one long run-on sentece. They all sounded so similar that any rational person would need an explanation to see if any of them were really necessary. He asked the differences about each and the clerk explained them all in a monotone compu-voice. He didn’t choose any. Just then a man came from behind the counter and yelled, “Is anybody here to pick up a package?” Everybody looked up but nobody was, so the line grew quiet. It was 2:56 pm.
Eventually the man who refused all services left the line and headed for the door. For a split second there was no other movement. The clerk was at the counter but I hadn’t been called yet. That’s something I’ve learned at the USPS. You don’t go to the counter until you’re called. At any location across the United States, if you approach the counter before you’re called, you’re going to be spoken to like you’re an 11-year-old. The line behind me was nearly out the door now, everybody seemed to be shuffling. Just then a man came from behind the counter and yelled, “Is anybody here to pick up a package?” Everybody looked up but nobody was, so the line grew quiet.
The clerk looked slowly in my direction and motioned in my direction with two fingers. It was a stern direction and I felt in trouble, but my ears were still hot and all I could think about was how happy I would be to write all about this. I placed the Bill Cosby with a snake tongue painting directly on the scale with the address facing the clerk. Efficiency is so important to my life. The clerk looked at the package and then at a computer monitor and then back at me with a blank stare. Eventually she spoke.
“You need a customs form for this package.”
I had the form in my hand, it was already filled out. I placed it on the counter next to the package. She looked again at the computer monitor and went through the list of services that I could choose from and the different ways the package could be sent. She asked if I’d like for the package to arrive in two days or seven days. I asked the price diffence and was told it was 30 cents. I opted to pay extra for two days to support our troops. After further computing, I was told that the package didn’t need a customs form after all. I shrugged my shoulders while she told me that sometimes things need forms and sometimes they don’t. “It is what it is,” she said as she handed me a receipt. NO JOKE, LADY.
Oh, it was 3:12 pm.
I feel like reading this was a greater waste of time than the pretty little hippie letter.
Yeah the service has ALWAYS sucked at the post office but do you think Fed Ex will do it for as little money as they do?
How did you manage to so perfectly describe every visit I’ve ever made to the USPS in my life?
The conservative’s self-fulfilling prophecy… They complain that government can’t do anything well; a direct result of reducing funding for government services.
“The post office is too damn slow!”
“Well then, you should give them more of your tax money to improve their services”
“Hell no! I’d rather be a miser and just keep complaining about them…”
So a hipster had a bad experience at the post office and decided to write about it? Really, that’s even more of a cliche than the idea of someone “going postal”.
And I can just imagine the impatient woman in line: this town is full of crazy middle-aged women with an axe to grind. They’re always in places like the post office, the library, or the bus.
Personally, I absolutely adore the post office in Council Bluffs. They are nice people and they keep the line moving, and since everyone knows everyone else, it’s usually pretty chummy. Plus, it’s a great 50’s building that also smells like an elementary school, and I like that.
Here in Seattle, the Terminal Post Office is quite nice. There’s a friendly blond lady who seems to keep things running, and a sort of daddy bear type who takes passport photos. Plus, they keep KIXI on the radio, and who wouldn’t love that?
Damned socialists. A real American would have just had his corporate jet fly it there.
Certainly I’ve had some quick visits to the post office and there are some helpful and motivated employees, but … the excruciatingly slow line described here happens more often than it should. I dread going to the post office and try to use the automated machine whenever possible.
Also ditto #4
Post Options, 12th and Pine, a mere two blocks from the Stranger office, mail anything anywhere, USPS, FedEx, whatever, never have had to wait more than 2-3 minutes.
I skimmed the beginning, middle, and end of this post, then checked the comments to verify my impression of it.
An interesting post would be to compare the Deutsche Bundespost or the Royal Mail to the USPS. God forbid you try to mail something in Egypt. Spoiler: They suck. USPS rules.
Eh, I’ve had mixed experiences. A few times lately I’ve gone in and there’s been no line at all. But yes, at other times the line is very slow o move.
One gripe: I know of some online sellers who use my post office and they insist on doing the entire mailing process via the counter because they think it’s helping to save the jobs of counter clerks. They could easily print out postage for their 25+ packages (per visit) at home, but they don’t want to. Granted, they usually hit the post office right before the doors close so that there aren’t many customers waiting behind them. Still, it’s annoying at times to see.
I adore the main office at Third and Union. Random crowd, pure 70s style everything, and the woman who runs the passport photo place is a champ. This was a beautifully written post, though, Derek.
This is why I pay extra to use FedEx whenever I send a package.
@9
An Egyptian friend tells me that if you mail any sort of larger package to Egypt, you shouldn’t be surprised if the post office charges the recipient a “customs” fee upon pick up.
Every time I use the automatic postal machine thingy at my post office there’s an old person ahead of me who CANNOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND THE MACHINE. I once spent 25 minutes waiting for an elderly lady to figure the damn thing out, helping her for fifteen of those minutes, only to find that she HAD CASH ONLY! This, despite the big obvious sign on the machine, “This machine does not accept cash. Credit/debit cards only.”
No matter the efficiency the Post Office introduces it seems there are customers designed to foil it.
What baffles me is that the post office has a pretty decent incentive to do your shipping online! You can either get a discount, an upgrade like free tracking, or both! I’ve stopped going in unless I need to ship a box of books via media mail or something.
This seems like a classic moment where you have to ask yourself how much your time is worth. I’m hardly anybody important, but my time is definitly worth more than an hour at the post office, staring at the ceiling and getting increasingly frustrated. In fact it’s probably worth just about what it costs to meander on over to UPS and ship it through them.
“this town is full of crazy middle-aged women with an axe to grind.”
And post offices are full of surly umotivated workers. I think there’s enough blame to go around.
@12 The FedEx employees are very nice and helpful.
Article: UPS here … meh … USPS, most of them are scary. However, to the ones saying “it’s all the fault” …. news flash, it’s actually their own fault. There has been a huge decline in usage of USPS services in the recent years, not even because of the poor service, most of it’s because of email, forums, SOCIAL NETWORKING, and other such forms of communication. A small decline began when phones became mobile, a very tiny one happened when landline phones became wide spread. It’s called moving to the future, as technology improves many services have to adapt or become obsolete. Package services are booming, because the new communication tools are actually making long distance small business sales more convenient than they once use to be. So yeah, the USPS is hurting, but it’s more because no one needs most of what they offer, some people like mailing letters, if you want to keep the USPS open mail a shit load of those letters otherwise … tough.
I love the postal service. Aside from being much cheaper and more efficient than UPS or FedEx, they can actually deliver packages to my apartment without me waiting around at home for hours hopefully reloading the tracking information in hopes of being available at the exact moment when the driver comes to knock on the building’s main door, which usually he doesn’t and just leaves one of those awful missed delivery slips so that we can start the whole waiting game all over again on another day.
(Also, you can do those annoying shipping tasks online and have someone come to your house and pick up the packages and never go to the offices unless you just have an hour to kill for inspiring funny blog posts?)
I mail packages out of that post office all the time. There have been more than a couple of times where it made me teeter on the edge of mental breakdown.
Also, Have you ever waited the entire day for a package to come, only to find a note taped to your door saying they tried to deliver it but they missed you? BULLSHIT! I was home all day fuckers. You were either too lazy to carry the package to my door or too lazy to ring my doorbell.
Article 1 Section 8: Enumerated Powers –
The Congress shall have Power…To establish Post Offices and post Roads
What an irritating little snot you are. The comments are right, some times the Post Office is great, but some times it needs work. If you can’t appreciate the organisation and infrastructure it takes so that you can mail a letter to anywhere in this country for 44 cents, then you are too stupid for further explanation.
The Post Office is SELF FUNDED (so far). If it weren’t for the Postal Act of 2006 purposely crippling the Postal Service so that vultures can buy its assets on the cheap, then USPS would still be in the black. Why don’t you talk about that? Because the service was slow so now you think it should die? How much did you pay to mail that thing? How much would FedEx have charged?
At least Slog commentors know more than you. Moron.
Hmm–how much funding does the USPS receive from taxes each year? Is it ‘none’ by any chance?
Let it burn. UPS and FedEx come to my door but not bum-fuck Ferry county Bush voters doorsteps. Drive to the hub in Spokane to pickup your crap, welfare abusers.
Kitten Koder, Fedex may be friendly, but they are incapable of finding Chez Vel-DuRay, which is right in the middle of north Beacon Hill.
Well, it’s not so much that they are incapable of finding it as much as it is they are too lazy to climb the front walk (which is a bit of a trek) and too stupid to come to the alley like everyone else in the world (USPS, UPS, Pizza people, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormon Missionaries, etc) does.
Enjoy your free electronic bill-pay for all of about 5 seconds after the USPS gets burned. Banks are salivating at the chance to charge you big time for that.
Last time I checked, the Post Office would mail my letter for 44 cents, whether I had a job or not.
The Olympia West Side post office is great, full of people who will help and keep things moving. The Lacey WA post office is…similar to what is described in this post. People go on breaks when the line is long, one person is left to deal with everyone. The customer is always wrong too.
As for you, Number 5, Catalina, and your snark that middle-aged women are crazy for being impatient and must have an ax to grind—I assure you that I would not wait 45 minutes like our friend did. Once you hit middle age, you are less likely to put up with shit service in order to part with your money. I just won’t do it. And I’m pretty tired of it being the standard expectation that I shouldn’t mind indifference and crap service in order to spend my money. Middle aged people have seen it devolve to this and have come to the realization that we don’t have to put up with it.
@21 has it right, and this is what I have yet to hear people mention when they talk about the potential bankruptcy of the USPS. Considering the rising cost of the stamp, I looked into the group to see what the deal was.
The USPS is self-funded. They take no tax payer dollars. This is pretty impressive for a government agency. They would be operating in the black and making a profit if it wasn’t for a bill introduced by the 2006 congress. They required that the USPS pre-fund 75 years worth of future retiree’s health benefits. And that they only had 10 years to do it. It should be noted that no other federal agency and especially no private enterprises has been required to do such a rediculous thing. Especially on such a schedule.
This mandate is costing the postal agency 5.5 billion a year. It also accounts for 100% of the USPS’s $20 billion in loses over the last 5 years. Which, obviously means it also accounts for 100% of the USPS’s debt. All together, the USPS has raised $47 billion to cover this mandate. That is $47 billion that could have actually gone to services.
The way to save the USPS isn’t by giving them federal funds, or raise a tax. They just need to repeal a pointless law. I will let the conspiracy theoriest at Slog try to think of a reason for the law’s existance in the first place.
Do you ever go to the 3rd & Union post office? At any given time, there are 2 or 3 people working the counter, and about 12 people wandering around in the back drinking coffee and talking to each other.
Also, they took out all of the stamp machines in the lobby, which is ridiculous. It’s like they’re *trying* to go out of business.
Can’t you do it online? Canada Post lets you do it online, even the custom forms. Then you just drop your package in a mail box or at the post office. No need to wait in line.
I hate UPS, FedEx, Purolator. At least with the post office, if delivery happens when you’re not at home, the package goes to the local post office and you can just pick it up. With UPS, the package will go to their distribution center which is located in the industrial neighborhood where there are no buses.
Ballard’s PO has been pretty quick and painless just about every time I’ve been there. A couple times they’ve even given me good advice on how to save a bunch of money shipping internationally.
Unionized government employees. Gotta love em. Can’t wait until these ass hats are in charge of my medical care.
FedEx fucked me over last Christmas when they left a package addressed to my apartment (although not to me personally) outside my building without getting the required signature. I drove around with that fucking thing in my trunk for a week before I happened to head down to SODO to pick up a package at UPS. And at least one of FedEx’s home delivery pickup locations is in Kent, which was really great for me three years ago when I didn’t have a car.
If I can’t be home to accept a USPS package, they either leave it for me at my door or I have to walk a whole five blocks to pick it up. You will never get that kind of convenience from UPS or FedEx.
I also once spent nearly an hour waiting to ship something at a UPS Store when the woman in front of me was sending a dozen packages, and they only had one person working the counter. It’s not just USPS that has a staffing problem.
That said, the attempted up-sell at USPS pisses me off. I’ve given up on telling the clerk what I want (always Parcel Post or Media Mail) when I get to the counter because not one of them has ever listened to what I said and just skipped the goddamn script.
I just wish USPS would go back to calling things “First Class” and “Second Class”. Really, when did that change? Using the names alone I can’t tell the difference between “Priority” and “Express” delivery. Very confusing.
*sigh*
Still USPS is the cheapest and most effective postal service I’ve ever used. Only one lost letter in 30 years of mailing things. The mailing problem with my penpal who lived near Mt. St. Helens when it blew notwithstanding.
Lauramae dearest, did I say that EVERY middle-aged woman in Seattle is crazy and with an axe to grind? No. But there is – and I stand by this – a lot of crazy middle-aged women with an axe to grind in Seattle. I’m not talking about assertive, I’m talking irrational. Many of my middle-aged female friends agree with me. The others are part of the crazy group. 🙂
And may I gently murmur that our generation (I’m 46) is part of the problem? We – collectively, although I assure you not I, and probably not you – are the ones who voted the politicians in who allowed for the sort of deregulation, lack of investment, and ideological nonsense that makes you so impatient. It did not happen in a vacuum. Everybody wants everything right now, and they want it for free, especially from government. When they don’t get it, they complain about the employees and taxes, forgetting that we have neglected our infrastructure for decades for some Reaganesque fantasy.
@35 … I’d say “preach it” but would probably get slammed for that. What you say is true though.
A manufactured postal crisis
Tom Larsen looks at the crisis of the U.S. Postal Service–and how it’s being used as a cover to push for massive layoffs and privatization.
September 15, 2011
IN A recent New York Times article entitled “Postal Service is nearing default as losses mount” [2] gives this grim forecast for the post office: “The United States Postal Service [USPS] has long lived on the financial edge, but it has never been as close to the precipice as it is today: the agency is so low on cash that it will not be able to make a $5.5 billion payment due this month and may have to shut down entirely this winter unless Congress takes emergency action to stabilize its finances.”
But what is the source of these problems? The article continues, “The post office’s problems stem from one hard reality: it is being squeezed on both revenue and costs.”
Well, that’s true! What these dire facts don’t tell us is that the revenue and cost squeeze is completely manufactured by Congress and the executive branch. In December 2006, then-President George W. Bush signed the Postal Accountability and Enhancement Act (PAEA), which had the overwhelming support of both parties in both the House and Senate.
The act contains many restrictions on how the Postal Service can generate revenues–for example, even though it can’t adjust prices (like Fed Ex or UPS can), “the USPS must compete with UPS and other private firms in the package delivery business.”
While the act argues that the USPS must become more “businesslike,” it is not allowed to compete like a business. Even though the Postal Service is mandated by the Constitution and has a “universal service obligation” to deliver mail to all Americans regardless of where they live (unlike private carriers), the Postal Service cannot exercise “unfair competition” with the private sector.
In effect, business says don’t compete with us where it’s profitable, only where it’s unprofitable–but otherwise, act more like us.
The most significant new requirement from the PAEA is the establishment of the Postal Service Retiree Health Benefits Fund. This changes the “funding of its retirees’ health care costs from an out-of-pocket or pay-as-you-go basis [how every other organization does it] to pre-funding these obligations.”
The PAEA requires the USPS to prepay between $5.4 billion and $5.8 billion annually between 2007 and 2016 into a retirement fund. This represents 75 years of pension funding that Congress requires the Postal Service to fund in just 10 years. Removing the prepayment of this fund, as the American Postal Workers Union (APWU) claims, would allow the USPS to operate in the black.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
BUT CONGRESS doesn’t want that. The prospect of a USPS default has engendered the political climate where extreme solutions like that of Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe (chosen by Obama appointees) have become fashionable. He proposes to cut $20 billion of the $75 billion in annual costs by 2015.
To accomplish this goal, he wants to close many post offices, cut the number of sorting facilities by 60 percent and eliminate 120,000 postal worker jobs from its current 653,000. Cutting jobs is not a new idea. Only 10 years ago, the USPS had 900,000 employees. Donohoe’s proposals share the spirit of the PAEA and demonstrate another continuity that the Obama presidency has with the former Bush administration.
However, the contract between the USPS and the union does not allow layoffs. To cut that many jobs would require breaking the union contract and severely truncating the union’s power of collective bargaining.
This is where Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) comes in. Issa is advancing a bill that could abrogate the no-layoff clause of the USPS’s contract with the American Postal Workers Union (APWU). The bill would create an emergency oversight board that would have sweeping powers to make drastic cuts in postal services and layoff hundreds of thousands of postal workers.
According to the USPS Office of the Inspector General, postal workers have overpaid $75 billion and $7 billion respectively into two pension funds. There has been some talk in the Senate of “recovering” those funds to ease the post office’s financial woes. The Obama administration doubts whether these overpayments, in fact, exist–that is, it questions the conclusions of its own appointee. Issa has claimed that using these funds would amount to an “unjustified bailout” of the USPS.
Unlike the taxpayer bailout of the banks due to their shady investments, it is important to remember that the USPS receives no taxpayer support, and this agency’s financial troubles are not due to poor management, corrupt practices or lax regulations–they are imposed by lawmakers. Most importantly, this money was earned by, and belongs to, postal workers.
Cliff Guffey, president of the APWU, says that Congress wants “to take my retirement fund that I put in and the Postal Service put in to pay for the retirement of the other Federal agencies that they haven’t funded. That’s just totally improper. They’re taking our money and using it for other things in the federal government.”
The cuts in services and jobs recommended by the Postmaster General (part of the Obama administration) may have different details than the Issa postal reform bill, but their objectives of breaking the power of the unions are not. Issa’s legislation enables these “reforms” (and if nothing else moves the “debate” to the right). The Democrats will get to blame the Tea Party crazies; when in reality, like the bicameral and executive support of the PAEA, the attacks on the postal service and its employees are bipartisan.
Similar to education “reform,” where impossible goals are set and programs are defunded, the politicians and the corporate media portray the USPS as a basket case that must endure harsh reforms or be privatized.
The postal “crisis” is a manufactured one engineered to provide a solution that will pursue a preexisting pro-big business, anti-worker agenda. Most of the new jobs that have been created since Obama took office are low-wage jobs without benefits. Like teachers, postal workers represent one of the last sectors of living-wage jobs that provide health care and a decent retirement to working Americans.
The proposals being considered to reform the USPS would not only harm postal workers and their families, but also harm communities all over the country who depend on them. If our leaders really thought that stability was important, at a time of increasing job insecurity and unemployment, they would be considering a different path for the USPS.
@14 – anytime anyone designs something idiot-proof, they come up with better idiots.
My Republican friends tell me that this is all the union’s fault. Jussayin.
Just because you had a bad experience at East Union station doesn’t mean that everyone has your experience. I do all my bidness at Broadway Station and even at Christmas I’ve never had to wait more than 15 minutes tops.
The fiscal problem with the post office is 1) people aren’t sending the volumes of mail they did because they can do a lot of things cheaper and easier on the net 2) even though the US Postal Service is a semi-private entity they still have to answer to the US government. So they can’t just choose not to deliver mail on Saturdays or stop pre-funding pensions for employees that haven’t even been hired yet.
You have a problem with the clerks at East Union station? Submit a complaint to the postmaster that the employees aren’t working up to snuff. Don’t whine on the slog that you didn’t get the zippy service you thought you deserve.
wait, no one cut you in line because they’re “just buying one stamp?” YOU GOT OFF EASY, ERDMAN.
This one time I went to the post office and it took a while.
Then this other time everything went really quickly.
The end.
Maybe it’s ’cause I’ve lived in Africa, but this doesn’t sound too bad. Now, you try waiting half a day to mail a letter and then talk to me.
If the post office closes, emaciated hipsters will no longer be able to travel cheaply by mailing themselves places.
“You don’t go to the counter until you’re called. At any location across the United States, if you approach the counter before you’re called, you’re going to be spoken to like you’re an 11-year-old.”
That happened to me on Tuesday, the first time I’d been in a post office in years. I thought the same thing to myself as I left. Fuck ’em.
@45, I’m curious. Do you mean an “I got the shipping service I needed at a decent price though not a single staffer acted nice” kind of fuck ’em?
Or do you mean an “I took myself to a for-profit shipper no matter the cost because they have to call me sir” kind of fuck ’em?
If the USPS has lost the hipsters, they’ve lost the country….
Gus, I was getting a passport. Ain’t no for-profit place doin’ that.
Long live Cardiss Collins!