Say you’re homeless and it’s 29 degrees out and a stranger who looks like a friendly lumberjack offers you shelter for the night. Would you take him up on it?

This past Thursday at 4:30 a.m., a homeless man wandering in the vicinity of 12th Avenue and E John Street on Capitol Hill—presumably still up and walking to keep warm—was approached by a man he described as looking “like a lumberjack,” and asked if he needed a place to stay. According to a police report, the transient accepted the offer, and walked with the Samaritan (he believes) three blocks south to his apartment.

Once inside, the good Samaritan took his giving one step further and “offered him a drink of vodka and orange juice,” the police report states (aka a screwdriver). The homeless man accepted the screwdriver, curled up in a recliner, and fell asleep.

However, the police report states that he “awoke a short time later with the male standing naked in front of him. [He] said he felt something around his neck and soon realized it was a power cord.” The weirdness continues: The victim “jumped up, grabbed his backpack, and ran out of the apartment, yelling all the way out the building with the cord in hand.” The victim told police that passing vehicles would not stop when asked.

But apparently, the drivers would call the cops. It was this public disturbance that summoned police to the scene at 6:00 a.m. The victim couldn’t remember the apartment he was taken to, stated that he believed he hadn’t been sexually assaulted, and the report notes that he had no bruises or redness on his neck. Nevertheless, the power cord was taken as evidence.

17 replies on “Homeless Man Claims Aid, Assault at the Hands of Capitol Hill “Lumberjack””

  1. Shocking that people would not stop for a naked man running through the streets of Capitol Hill in the middle of the night. What’s the world coming to?

  11. No Monty Python Lumberjack Song comments yet?

    He’s a lumberjack and he’s OK
    He works all night and he sleeps all day
    He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he likes to drink his rum
    He cruised around Capitol Hill and tried to rape a bum

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