What would Knox eat?
  • What would Knox eat?

Word on the street is that Amanda Knox lives in the International District. Lucky for me, a friend of a friend put me in touch with a fellow who was surprised to find that he shared an apartment building with Foxy Knoxy. Here’s your chance to glimpse into the life of an infamous* local celebutante!

You can remain anonymous if you’d like, or I can use your name.
I shall remain anonymous.

Does it seem like she has a big apartment? Or standard size for the building?
I bet it’s pretty big. I know there are at least three of them living there.

How many times have you seen her?
Twice. Once with her boyfriend and once alone at the front door. I think I may have also seen her around the neighborhood. I can’t say for sure. Everyone in Chinatown looks the same to me.

Has she ever been carrying anything in particular?
Nope.

Does she seem friendly?
She does.

Is the boyfriend you’ve seen her with the same one from Italy?
No. From what I have read it is her old high school boyfriend.

Is he good looking?
He’s whatevs.

Does he dress smart?
More safe than smart. Ready for anything.

Where do you imagine she might like to eat?
There is a Specialty’s two blocks away. I could picture her with some soup and a SmartWater.

What do you think she might like to watch on TV?
Two and a Half Men re-runs.

If she were shopping at Uwajimaya, what do you think she might buy?
If she’s anything like me, she would be getting mango mochi balls and plum wine. I bet she gets Oreos and bananas. The special fried rice is also good.

Are the apartments in your building moderately priced?
Yes.

Is there a laundry room?
Nope.

Is there a lobby with an intercom?
Call box outside.

Is there an elevator?
Yeah. It’s really nice and the doors shut really fast. It’s really tall and big and has mirrored doors. I love it.

On a somewhat related note, I found this tidbit on Facebook today from Carlos Alberto Fernandez Lopez: “Spotted Amanda Knox crossing the street in the ID today. We locked eyes. I’m not saying she’s guilty, but there was something dark in there.”

*Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. Infamous is when you’re MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he’s not just famous, he’s IN-famous.
Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who’s probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!
Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?

—¡Three Amigos! (1986)

41 replies on ““Amanda Knox Is My Neighbor””

  1. Has Charles Mudede been spied in the bushes across the street “bird watching” with a giant pair of binoculars, a box of Kleenex, and a bottle of Jergens?

    Every evening.

  2. This is a fine report. It is devoid of any interesting comment whatsoever, which is entirely suitable under the circumstances, and some attempt is made at what passes for humor among those who can’t be troubled to make much of an effort.

    But what I really want to know is, what does Charles Mudede think about it?

  4. I live in the ID – she is a new neighbor. She found the only neighborhood in Seattle that will leave her the fuck alone.

    Leave her the fuck alone, Stranger.

  7. I work in the ID. She has been spotted at the Starbucks in my building on more than one occasion.

    If I see her, I will ask her to autograph my pocket knife.

  8. I know this is supposed to be funny, like some sort of pastiche of an actual poorly-sourced supermarket tabloid article on a celebrity (“If she were shopping at Uwajimaya, what do you think she might buy?”) but it just sounds creepy (“Is there a lobby with an intercom?”).

  9. SERIOUSLY? come on stranger… this capitol hill mom loves me some good gossip but this is EXPLOITATIVE.. you can do better.

    AMANDA – good luck ducking the YA-HOOS.

  14. I love this article; so funny. Seattle, despite trying to be grumpy, and not very nice to new people, is a loving city. # 13 — yes! I also think that AK is innocent. I think she would like the Hello Kitty department at Uwajimaya.

  15. This would be a light, somewhat amusing, throw-away piece if it weren’t for Mr. Mudede obsessing over her tits every day on slog for god-knows-how-long.

    So instead, it comes off as stalker creepage.

    As if in The Stranger newsroom, one of the male editors just said, “you know, it would be really hot if we knew where Amanda Knox was”, and started stroking his crotch, and one of the other editors started stroking his crotch and saying “oh, yeah, that would totally be hot. We could be hanging outside trying to look in her windows”. And then the entire newsroom started to circle-jerk.

  18. The “something dark” was probably fear that you had recognized her & were some UK tabloid paparazzi asshole, Carlos Lopez. Leave her be.

  19. I am compelled to jump on the “Hey you retarded douchebags at the Stranger, why don’t you leave her the fuck alone?” bandwagon.

  23. Yeah, this is not good.. Count me in with the rest who see this as creepy, unfunny, unnecessary, and ultra-exploitative. Leave her the fuck alone, how about?

    @7 & 21 – Way to keep it classy, folks.

  24. It’s all good ’til people start knocking.
    Lindsay Lohan Trespasser CONVICTED Banned from Contacting Actress; TMZ
    Lindsay Lohan Trespasser Sentenced To Two Years Probation; Starpulse
    Lindsay Lohan’s New Year’s Day Trespasser Sentenced, Slapped With ..; E! Online

  26. I kind of think she did it, but that time passed.

    This is middle school girl bullshit. Time to leave her alone to get on with her life.

    Much less chickenshit to go after some politicians or rich fucks with this technique. To frightened to stalk the civic leaders?

  27. I’ve lived in the ID for a few years now. What I like most about it is that no one gives a fuck about who you are or what you’re doing. That shouldn’t change. Please fuck off with the spying.

  28. I’m rather glad that the Seattle media has pretty much left her alone since she came back from Italy. This is just dumb gossip, speculation not even worthy of a British tabloid. Some random guy speculating about what she would buy at Uwajimaya, what she would eat for lunch, or watch on TV is just shallow, stupid and pointless. I would hope The Stranger would be above this kind of crap.

  29. What are you, an asshole, Erdman?

    Dan, Why are you putting this kind of National Enquirer shit on your blog. If he was outing some gay couple who was just trying to get on with their lives, you’d be all over him. Pull this worthless, mean-spirited post.

  31. can’t this guy stick his “articles” to the music page? this is just an embarrassment and again with the ugly art. everybody is drawn with the same expression and boring color schemes. 

    this is a new low.

  36. “Spotted Amanda Knox crossing the street in the ID today. We locked eyes. I’m not saying she’s guilty, but there was something dark in there.”

    Uh, if anyone locks eyes with you in the ID and tries to “know your soul”, you assume they’re a creeper.

    Also, yeah, I assume that this is some sort of parody of UK tabloid trash, but hopefully this is it and we can drop the Knoxsightings.

  39. Yeah, I locked eyes with Carlos Alberto Fernandez Lopez and boy they better restore the death penalty soon. I can just tell that guy is a danger to himself and others.

  41. I found this article hilarious. And not exploitative. You people 1) can’t appreciate the absurd and 2) can’t recognize this author’s goodwill toward Amanda Knox.

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