A few months ago, I was eating lunch at a vegetarian restaurant in the I.D., and among my fellow diners were a large group of septuagenarians-and-above, all Caucasian, seated around a big round table for a celebratory lunch that I soon learned via eavesdropping was for one of the guest’s 80th birthday.
I was delighted to have a group of loud-talking oldsters within earshot, certain I’d get some stealth insight into the idiosyncratic things old people talk about when they’re together.
Instead, I was given a lesson in making assumptions, as the group of elders proceeded to discuss the exact same things I discuss with my friends. Specifically, how it’s fun to watch Hoarders until it gets too depressing, and how a shared acquaintance of the group seemed to be making the shift from fun-kooky to crazy-kooky.
It was illuminating.
I was reminded of this event by another eavesdropping episode from last week, when I was at my favorite weird downtown underground sports bar the Tap House Grill and found myself seated next to a woman who entered the restaurant proclaiming that she must have a seat with a view of the entire room, as she had been in a restaurant that was bombed in Israel. She then proceeded to torture the waitstaff, eventually marching up to the manager to announce that she and her party had been seated and waiting for someone to take their order “for 25 minutes!” However, the email into which I’d typed her entrance-enhancing Israel proclamation was time-stamped, and revealed they’d only been seated nine minutes. (Which is still too long before a proper greeting, but far from 25 minutes, so I immediately found the manager’s contact email on the venue’s website and let him know the lady’s memory of time was skewed, and not to take it out on the waiter.)
The end.
You are an hero, David. Great story. Though I prefer Oliver’s in the Mayflower Park myself when I’m in that neighborhood.
I bet that lady gets a lot of sneeze muffins and other extra ingredients in her food. Maybe the restaurant bombing wasn’t terrorism. Maybe it was because she was in it.
My favorite adventure in eavesdropping recently also took place in a restaurant. A boy about 7 or 8 loudly asked his parents if he and his sister (1) had been “planned.” His parents laughed in an awkward sort of way and admitted no. But the kid wouldn’t let it drop, saying things like ‘yeah, I bet we weren’t planned,’ leading to some shhing and obvious distraction techniques. It was great.
A Slog post meant only to amuse, and succeeding nicely? What is this, 2004?
she must have a seat with a view of the entire room, as she had been in a restaurant that was bombed in Israel
So having a view of the room prevents bombings? Or is she suicidal, and would prefer to have her face blown off first?
Maybe you’re older than you think you are.
i was dining at IHOP this past saturday, and sat next to a dad and two young daughters. he left a dollar tip on a $18 check. i added 3 bucks to the tip and overtipped my waitress. i didn’t think it would do any good to harangue the dad on his cheap-ass-ness.
David, Thanks but I believe this is the road to perdition.
I bet these replacement-hipsters whine about the high cost of $190 courses at SCCC, too, and have red rims on their U-Scoots.
Maybe that part of her brain that keeps track of time was damaged in the earlier restaurant blast.