…when everyone was terrified that the new battery-operated calculators we all hauled around in our backpacks and on our wrists would lead to a scary decline in basic math skills that would eventually lead to Russian domination. Anyway, from the Daily Mail:

Computer spell checks have created an ‘auto-correct generation’ unable to spell common words such as ‘necessary’ and ‘separate’, a survey has found. Only one in five adults out of 2,000 who took a short spelling test were able to answer all five questions correctly. Sixty-five per cent failed to spell ‘necessary’ correctly while 33 per cent struggled with ‘definitely’ and ‘separate.’

I have no doubt that calculators and spell-check have led to the ossification of math and spelling skills, in the same way that commercial dairy production led to the ossification of butter-churning skills. Also, everyone knows the common-use word that’s actually hardest to spell correctly is restaurant.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...