THURSDAY 10/21
Bend Over, Baby!
(SPANKING WORKSHOP) You need to quit thinking of a spanking as something your nasty parents gave you when you left toothpaste on the sink as a kid, or wet the bed at 17. Spanking, flogging, and paddling can be very sexy, especially when there’s technique involved. Mistress Matisse will be instructing people of all persuasions at this safe, confidential, ass-whompin’ romp into the world of sexual adventure. — JEFF DEROCHE
Toys in Babeland, 707 E Pike St, 328-2914, 7-9 pm, $30, some sliding scale admissions available.
THURSDAY 10/21
Shock! Scream! Run!
(SELF-DEFENSE COURSE) The School of Chung Moo Doe — yeah, that’s right, that’s their name, you got a problem with that? — is offering a free women’s self-defense seminar, in conjunction with their open house and demonstration evening. The class will focus on simple defense techniques, which will help you avoid being victimized in an attack situation. It’s not about strength, ladies — it’s about strategy. Be empowered by Chung Moo Doe’s helpful “Shock! Scream! Run!” philosophy. And if that still doesn’t work, just Kick! Him! In! The! Balls! — MIN LIAO
The School of Chung Moo Doe, 1014 Madison St (First Hill), 621-7947, 5:30 pm, free, call 425-641-1323 for complete info and locations.
THURSDAY 10/21
Paul Taylor
Dance Co.
(DANCE) You’d be hard-pressed to find a performing artist more revered than Paul Taylor. Not only has the guy received a MacArthur “Genius” grant, six Guggenheim Fellowships, and countless Lifetime Achievement awards, he’s been knighted by the French government — and elevated to the rank of Commandeur! Here’s your chance to catch the Paul Taylor Dance Company as they continue to present the work of the man widely considered the world’s greatest living choreographer. — DAVID SCHMADER
Meany Theater, NE 41st St & 15th Ave NE, UW campus, 543-4880, Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, $32.
THURSDAY 10/21
Simon Larbalestier
(ART) Photographer Larbalestier is responsible for some of the most memorable album covers of the late ’80s and early ’90s, working with the English label 4AD. Recently, he’s shifted to landscapes and church interiors, retaining the rich atmospheric tones of his earlier work. — ERIC FREDERICKSEN
Houston, 907 E Pike St, 860-7820, opening reception 7-10 pm, free.
THURSDAY 10/21
Happy?
(THEATER) Seattle’s freakishly ambitious new contemporary arts center, Consolidated Works, kicks off the theater branch of their Artificial Life series with Happy?, a world-premiere commission from Seattle’s freakishly ambitious (and wildly successful) performance troupe, the Compound. If you’ve never seen the Compound’s work (past productions include Coated and blueStory), you don’t know what you’re missing — and I can’t explain it. It’s smart, goofy, elegant, bizarre, and surprisingly, satisfyingly cohesive. Just go. — DAVID SCHMADER
Consolidated Works, 410 Terry Ave N, 860-5245, 8 pm; continues Thurs-Sun at 8 pm, through Nov 28, $16.
FRIDAY 10/22
Films of Caveh Zahedi
(FILM) Caveh Zahedi is a filmmaker who is always searching: for love, for God, for enlightenment, for an audience. From Thursday to Saturday, the Little Theatre presents the products of his respective quests. His first film, A Little Stiff (daily at 5:30), reconstructs a crush he had on a fellow student, where each of the characters play themselves. I Don’t Hate Las Vegas Anymore (daily at 7:30) is a great film that chronicles a trip he took to Las Vegas with his dad and brother, where he left it to God to write the script. In I Was Possessed by God (daily at 9:30), Zahedi re-creates a mushroom trip in which the titular possession took place; that’ll be followed by a selection of video postcards mailed between himself and fellow filmmaker Jay Rosenblatt. Reaching for the divine, Zahedi exposes himself as obsessive, ambitious, and charming. — ANDY SPLETZER
The Little Theatre, 608 19th Ave E, Thurs-Sat Oct 21-23, 675-2055.
FRIDAY 10/22
I ™ Karaoke
(KARAOKE — DUH!) He frequently wears sleek, macrobiotic-colored suits. Merv Griffin once called him “the most talented son of a bitch in the business.” You ain’t seen variety, baby, until you’ve seen Wm™ Steven Humphrey take on a room full of drunk Madonna wannabes, shake his honey baked ham, and roll out the karaoke. Be there! (Singing ability appreciated but not necessary.) — TRACI VOGEL
The Breakroom, 1325 E Madison, 860-5155, 10 pm, only $3!
SATURDAY 10/23
Atari 2600
Championship
(VIDEO GAMES) Call me Grampy, but I just don’t get these newfangled video games! “This button does this… that button does that… fight, fight… kick, kick…” — it’s enough to drive you insane! Well, it’s time once again to kick it old-school for Penny & Perk’s Fourth Annual Atari 2600 Championship. Nimble-fingered contestants hunker down in front of TV sets to compete in such classic Atari fare as Kaboom, Ms. Pacman, Defender, Warlords, and Air-Sea Battle — plus the always highly anticipated “mystery game!” Prizes and trophies will be awarded, and free pizza will grace the gullets of all contestants. Registration is at 2:00 pm, and the competition starts at 3:00. Remember: Virtual reality SUCKS! Lose your mind the old-fashioned way with Atari! — WM™ STEVEN HUMPHREY
Hi-Score Arcade, 612 E Pine St, 860-8839 for details, $5 entry fee (and $8 gets you a cool T-shirt!).
SATURDAY 10/23
David Hajdu
(READING) Lush Life, David Hajdu’s 1996 biography of Billy Strayhorn, was a huge popular and critical success, shedding light on the little-known but much-loved composer, pianist, and singer who wrote “Take the A Train,” “Lush Life,” and “Isfahan,” among many other songs for Duke Ellington. Hajdu reads from the biography as part of Seattle’s celebration of Ellington’s centennial year. — ERIC FREDERICKSEN
Town Hall, Seneca Space, 1119 Eighth Ave, 652-4255, 6:30 pm, free
SUNDAY 10/24
Dracula
(FILM) As if bands that suck weren’t scary enough, the Sit & Spin now brings us a lazy-eyed Slav who sucks… blood. That’s right, this Sunday is fright night at the Sit & Spin, with a complimentary screening of the 1931 version of Dracula. Everything about this movie is creepy, starting with director Tod Browning, whose oddly spelled first name just happens to mean “Death” in German. Also, Lon Chaney was supposed play the part of Dracula, but his “untimely demise” gave the eerie, drug-addled Bela Lugosi his first big break. Come for the free candy, stay for Lugosi’s classic vampire performance, which makes Scream seem about as scary as a bowl of Tubby Custard. — NATHAN THORNBURGH
Sit & Spin, 2219 Fourth Ave, 441-9484, 8 pm, free.
SUNDAY 10/24
David Sedaris
(COMEDY) Calling David Sedaris funny is like calling Adolf Hitler impolite. Delivering his fearlessly self-deprecating observations in his patented nasal whine, Sedaris routinely sends rooms of normally composed NPR-types into pissing-fits of laughter. Sedaris’ past work includes the classic essay collection Barrel Fever and the even-better Naked; newer work chronicles the life of Sedaris’ psychotic younger brother and the author’s bizarre life in France. Don’t miss him — and don’t forget the Depends. — DAVID SCHMADER
Meany Theater, NE 41st St & 15th Ave NE, UW Campus, 543-4880, 3 pm, $22/$18.
MONDAY 10/25
Public Enemy
(LIVE MUSIC) How does one merely suggest Public Enemy? Can we say The Stranger demands you see Public Enemy? Chuck D has become the wisest owl in hiphop and Public Enemy are still as relevant and smart as they were when not even a nation of millions could hold them back. If you miss this show, you’re a heretic. — ERIN FRANZMAN
ARO.space, 106 10th Ave E, 726-8016, 9 pm, $22.
TUESDAY 10/26
For the Love of Chocolate
(COOKING CLASS) It is most certainly not a substitute for sex. But go ahead, take this professionally taught chocolate dessert class anyway. You’ll learn basic pastry-making techniques, and you’ll know your way around a Chocolate Espresso Mud Cake, Mocha Custard, and Chocolate Raspberry Brownies, among other sinfully sweet things. And now you can bake on Friday nights instead of crying into the bathtub. — MIN LIAO
Still Life in Fremont, 709 N 35th St, 547-9850, 6:30-9:30 pm, $45 (includes recipes, ingredients, equipment), pre-payment is required, call first to register.
WEDNESDAY 10/27
Kenny Burrell
(JAZZ) Burrell, one of the most gifted of the post-Charlie Christian jazz guitarists, teams up with Latin-jazz bandleader and conguero Ray Barretto, who has been exploring the Latin roots of such Ellington hits as “Caravan,” “The Mooche,” and “Cottontail.” — ERIC FREDERICKSEN
Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, 652-4255, 8 pm, $20.