I can’t think of a haunting that would be scarier than a phantom who drifts menacingly into the room to moan about constitutional originalism and yell “argle bargle” while rattling his chains. It’s Scalia’s ghost, and a handful of desperate conservatives are hoping it’s at least corporeal enough to vote.
I’ll give them credit for this at least being a creative solution to their conundrum. How do they maintain a conservative presence on the Supreme Court after their champion dies? Why, by pretending he’s still with us, of course.
That’s the Weekend-at-Bernie’s scheme being floated by weirdos like Kory Langhofer, an Arizona lawyer who’s pushing for the justices to simply add a vote to rulings in the manner that Scalia would have wanted:
He’s already heard the oral arguments, discussed it with his colleagues, in some cases drafted opinions. Maybe even the Arizona opinion was drafted by him. We know exactly what he thought. And it’s not unprincipled to say we should give effect to that.
Good thought! For that matter, let’s also add some votes for Oliver Wendell Holmes and Earl Warren. And hey, why not have Lincoln issue a few new executive orders? Maybe Nixon’s free to pardon a turkey.
He’s essentially talking about turning the Supreme Court into a role-playing game, which could be fun. Lawyers will need to bring character sheets to oral argument and roll a D20 to see whose ruling is upheld. Oh, sorry, Attorney General, your stamina’s too low.
Meanwhile, out in the real world (ugh) Republicans are still trying to figure out how they can vamp for the next 300 days. A bunch of top Congress-GOPs will meet tomorrow afternoon to decide whether they should give a nominee a hearing. Bear in mind that Obama hasn’t even nominated anyone yet, but hey, why should that stop Republicans from deciding the nonexistent nominee’s qualifications?
Apparently some leaders are afraid that even holding a hearing would give a platform to a nominee, and suddenly there’d be momentum toward an actual confirmation. Can you imagine such a calamity — government operating in a timely and efficient manner? It must be prevented at all costs.
For now at least the Supreme Court is chugging along without their old friend. They had a little remembrance today, draping black cloth over his chair. (At least I think it was a black cloth. It might just be his ghost, relaxing.)
“It is hard to imagine the court” without Scalia, said Justice Thomas, probably while flipping in a panic through his notes, trying to figure out whose homework he’s going to copy from now on.
Next week, the court hears argument in a super-important abortion case. (That’s the one about how Texas passed a bunch of laws that make it almost impossible to get reproductive care in the state.) It’s probably a relief for Texas women that Scalia won’t be present for that … at least, not in a corporeal form. Boooooooooo….
