This movie is called Blockers, but the poster has a little rooster over the word “Blockers” because obviously it’s meant to be Cockblockers. This is the first of many examples of this movie flirting with raunch and then wussing out and biting its tongue. Teens and adults alike are far too desensitized to be scandalized by lazy stuff like this.
The creepy premise of Blockers is that some parents find out that their teen daughters plan to lose their virginities on prom night and they want to stop them. WHOA, right?! Leslie Mann stars as the needy mom, Ike Barinholtz is the cool dad, and John Cena is the overprotective alpha dad from a commercial for life insurance or a college savings plan.
These are all very pleasant humans, but I wholly rooted against their stupid characters because their daughters are self-possessed young women whose bodies and choices are theirs alone and OBVIOUSLY the way to get young people to make smart decisions about sex is NOT by preventing them from having it.
So I couldn’t suspend my judgment long enough to be like, “Oh yeah, butt-chugging a 40 is a logical step toward stopping your children from becoming adults.” Also, maybe it’s not the right time in American life for adults to suggest they’re smarter than teenagers.
There are some lessons learned and fun to be had throughout Blockers’ high jinks, misunderstandings, wieners, and kids having access to far doper prom partying than I ever did, but none of it really lands. The whole effort is too heavily workshopped and watered down, like the filmmakers were so concerned with having enough minutes of clips that would be suitable for promotion on Live with Kelly and Ryan that they forgot about legitimately earning their R rating.
It’s not really a movie for grown-ups, but it’s not for families, either. Come on, adults: Deliver us and our youth some honest filth, and butt-chug your lame 40 somewhere else. 