Pass the blunt, eh? Credit: Mooneydriver / Getty Images
Pass the blunt, eh?
Pass the blunt, eh? Mooneydriver / Getty Images

Fire, fire, everywhere: The wildfire in Spokane has burned up three houses. There are 100 more that are threatened. Mandatory evacuations are in place. Also, British Columbia is on fire. There are more fires there than there were last year in what was at the time a record-breaking fire season. That’s where most of this smoke is coming from today.

New kink:

No, but really: If you have asthma, keep your ass indoors. Or if you’re an old person or a child. If you’re a child, I’m really impressed that you’re reading this. Great work! Have you considered pursuing a humanities degree?

Don’t forget that fire caused by Richard Russell: Kreton Island isn’t a convenient place for a fire. I mean, where is, really? But, that’s where Richard Russell crash-landed the plane he hijacked on Friday. Crews had to enlist a local man to clear a path with his tractor in order to even get to the fire. Ferries had to transport equipment and food to and from the island through the night. A scorched area of destruction spanned a 300-by-600-foot area. Hijacking a plane and causing a fire during a burn ban? I’m shaking my damn head.

Sea-Tac’s security dilemma: About 12,600 people have access to an aircraft. Richard Russell, 29, the man who stole a plane on Friday, was one of those people. Just like Russell, those 12,600 people have a job to do. So how does Sea-Tac airport crack down on who has access to what? According to the Port of Seattle commissioner, Sea-Tac and its stakeholders are already meeting to figure out these questions. Speaking of this whole thing, did you read Charles Mudede’s thoughts on Russell? What do you think—does he deserve sympathy?

EMTs (people who save lives) deserve a livable (being able to live) wage: Says the public and, now, the Seattle City Council. Emergency medical technicians have subsisted off very little, many of them don’t have money for health care, and some donate plasma for extra cash. Hopefully, that won’t be the case for much longer. The city council passed a resolution seeking better pay and benefits for EMTs. It’s a nonbinding request, but EMTs are optimistic that it will provide some much-needed leverage.

Of note: City council temporarily blocked the demolition of the Showbox and Carmen Best is now officially the permanent Seattle police chief.

Group tries to offer hope at Deception Pass Bridge: Bridges are testaments to human engineering. Beautiful structures, bridges also carry a fatal grandeur. The Deception Pass Bridge is no exception. Suicidal people have sought it out. Many have jumped. A group of people has started a campaign to offer hope to this certain demographic of bridge-goer. They’ve laid out rocks painted with messages of hope and love. Maybe someone will see the rocks and pause. Maybe, in the least, it will open up a conversation about suicide and depression.

Maybe your humanities degree will be more valuable: Only because, according to recent data, Washington State students are pursuing science, technology, engineering, and math—the dreaded STEM fields—more and more. The number of computer-science majors tripled last year. Meanwhile, English majors (my comrades) “went from 600 in 2007-08 to 381 in 2016-17,” reports the Seattle Times. I don’t think this indicates value, unfortunately.

Tragedy in Italy, death toll rises to 22: A Genoan bridge collapsed this morning. There were 20 cars on the bridge and the buildings below were damaged. Eight people are injured. The bridge supposedly collapsed during a storm.

Holy shit, look:

This is apocalyptic:

Most popular Fortnite player refuses to stream with women: I think I’m going to have to explain every part of that sentence. Fortnite is the hugely popular game that’s swept the nation and mind-numbed a generation of teenagers, my own brother included. Its most popular players stream their gameplay on the streaming site Twitch. This guy, “Ninja,” is the most popular streamer. He streams with other men but refuses to do so with women. He says it will damage his reputation and threaten his marriage.

Oh, dear:

Turkey’s financial troubles could spell trouble for the world: The lira, Turkey’s currency, stumbled to a new low on Monday. Analysts say this is largely a result of President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s authoritarian approach. According to the New York Times, Erdogan’s “deepening economic interference” is a result of him attempting “to bend the logic of monetary policy and global financial markets to suit his political purposes.”

Suspected UK terror attack: A man crashed a car outside the Houses of Parliament. Investigators believe it was a “deliberate act” and are treating it like a terrorist threat.

Drug-tested Spanish driver tests positive for every single drug: That’s gotta be some kind of record, right? He was fined 1,000 euros for failing the alcohol test and then another 1,000 euros for failing the drug test. His blood was a drug cocktail consisting of “high levels of cannabis, amphetamines/methamphetamine, cocaine, opiates; as well as alcohol.”

Ofo will fuck off soon: Wipe away your tears and kiss those ugly yellow bikes goodbye, ofo is packing up and leaving Seattle for good on August 31. It may not be the last you see of those little eyesores, since they have a nasty habit of cropping up en masse in recycling centers.

Tales from the Trail:

The Interurban Trail from Tukwila to Pacific, Washington, is no walk in the park, according to an anonymous caller. Let’s call him Jim.

Jim is from Portland. Jim worked for the forest service as a ranger for two years. Jim has never feared for his life as much as when he rode his bike back from Subpop Record’s 30th-anniversary party in West Seattle to where his friends were staying in Olympia. Jim, an avid bike rider, was excited about the bike infrastructure Seattle had to offer.

“I’m like, fuck yeah, sweet,” Jim said. “I’ve never seen bike infrastructure like that.”

He hopped on the Interurban Trail. It was a journey he wishes he could forget.

“I was going through small towns and I was being chased by people,” Jim said. It was 11 p.m. when he was riding. “Every car that passed by me went real slow, real close to me. It was like everyone was out to get me. It was worse than high school.”

Jim pedaled faster. He hid in a cave at one point. One man was jerking off in the middle of the street, made eye contact with Jim, and starting running at him.

“Once I got out of the city—and I don’t know Washington—all the towns along the Interurban Trail were dangerous, weird, upside down places,” Jim said. “I’m a reasonable guy who’s seen some very unreasonable things. It was weirder than Twin Peaks; I haven’t read or seen anything this fucked up.”

What really shook Jim was the town of Pacific. It had white picket fences, manicured lawns, and a car in every driveway. Jim didn’t see anyone. The worst part was that the town reeked of rotting meat.

“It was like the rapture already happened there and this was the aftermath,” Jim said. “Real nightmare realm stuff.”

Jim had never ridden his bike faster in all his life. He’d barely slept by the time he called The Stranger, but he felt he needed to get a PSA out.

“I couldn’t in good conscience recommend taking that bike trail, especially at night,” Jim said. “It’s kind of like a sign of the times in my opinion.”

The Washington State Department of Transportation’s communications person, Lars, seemed confused when I asked him if anyone had reported any similar experiences traveling along the Interurban Trail, like being chased by “tweaky looking people” or a pervasive smell of rotting meat. He promised someone would get back to me about it. As of this writing, they haven’t.

“That scared the fuck outta me,” Jim wrapped up our conversation, breathless. “It was a sobering experience and I was sober.”

If you can relate to Jim’s experience, let me know. If you have another interesting bike trail experience, let me know.

Tonight’s best Seattle entertainment options include: An electro-pop show with gay history icons Erasure, a trivia night about Washington State’s ecosystems with Washington Wild, and the beginning of the last week of The Phantom of the Opera.

Reminder to send me your breakfast tomorrow to be featured in Slog AM! Send it to ngraham@thestranger.com before 8 a.m. Wednesday.

Nathalie Graham covers anything she finds fun, weird, or interesting. You can find a lot of that in her column, Play Date. Her work has also appeared around town in The Seattle Times, GeekWire, and the...