Cortana can you... give Alexa a kiss? Credit: Daisy-Daisy / Getty Image
Cortana can you... give Alexa a kiss?
Cortana can you… give Alexa a kiss? Daisy-Daisy / Getty Image

Amazon and Microsoft introduce most ambitious crossover of all time: Alexa and Cortana, the digital assistants of Amazon and Microsoft, respectively, are teaming up. It’s a techno sexual wet dream. Starting today: If you own an Alexa, you can engage Cortana simultaneously, and vice versa with whatever Microsoft device Cortana lives in.

Seattle priest posthumously added to sexual abuser list: According to the Archdiocese of Seattle, the investigation into Monsignor Philip Duffy was long and painstaking. Well, yeah, considering Duffy was first accused of abuse in 1960. But did that investigation really take 58 years? He’s the first priest added to the sexual abuser list since 2016. One critic said the priest’s name was only put on the list because the church is under added scrutiny. Yesterday, a report came out about how Pennsylvania’s priests molested thousands of children.

Keep guns away from kids!: You’d think this would be common sense, but here we are. No one knows whose gun it was, but two kids in Burien, ages 14 and 16, were playing with a gun at 8:30 p.m. last night. Listen, I don’t know what teens do for fun anymore, but playing with loaded firearms shouldn’t be on the list. Anyway. The 14-year-old is dead now. His friend accidentally shot him. Guns are bad.

Trump is sitting on $1.4 billion of unallocated transit funds: The money was set aside to fund transit projects. It’s just gathering dust. Only $25 million of it has been used. Meanwhile, transit projects nationwide are struggling to carry on without the appropriate funding. Lynnwood’s light-rail extension is one of these projects. It’s already been delayed once due to rising construction costs.

Airborne firefighter survives plane crash: It’s crazy how powerful Mother Nature is. Yeah, Elon Musk can bore tunnels under all of Los Angeles, we can make robots that jump pretty fast, and create entire worlds on a computer, but we can’t put out a fire whenever we want. This pilot is one of the many in Washington who are attacking the flames from the sky using single-engine amphibious scooper air tankers. His plane crashed yesterday while he was fighting the fire. He’s okay. The fire is also okay.

Sewage in Puget Sound: An arm in the Kitsap County portion of Puget Sound is contaminated. Sinclair Inlet has been saturated with sewage — 80,000 gallons of it. Don’t swim there.

Pretend I made a weed joke here: I don’t know what it would’ve been, but it would’ve been good.

But really, we are suffering: It looks like shit is not going to improve for a little bit longer. That’s no good. I don’t know if it’s the smoke or because I keep forgetting to eat lunch, but I felt spacey all day yesterday. Let’s blame the smoke.

Portland is really getting fucked up, though:

Hell is empty and the devils are here: This is disgusting. An Oklahoma middle-schooler was the subject of cruel and violent cyberbullying because she is transgender. The worst part is that the people doing the bullying were full-grown adults.

Not everywhere is as backwards as Oklahoma: In Vermont, Christine Hallquist became the first openly transgender person to win a major party nomination. Hallquist won against three other Democrats in yesterday’s primary for governor. She will face the Republican incumbent, Governor Phil Scott, in the general election.

Pearl Jam is serious about the cause: Pearl Jam’s show in Missoula, Montana, raised funds for Democratic senior senator Jon Tester. They promoted the show with a poster depicting Donald Trump’s rotting corpse on the lawn of a burning White House. Normal stuff. Shout-out to my good friend Caitlin who saw Pearl Jam last week after trying to see them for her entire life (and having five very real attempts that somehow always went wrong). We’re all so proud of you, Caitlin. What do you think of this poster?

Power has been restored to Puerto Rico: Officials say that the island’s power has been fully restored for the first time since Hurricane Maria struck. That was almost 11 months ago. It was the longest blackout in US history.

Hottest streetwear of the year comes from…: Wikipedia?

Trump Tower has been stealing water from the Chicago River: A lawsuit from Illinois’s attorney general alleges that Trump Tower has been nabbing 20 million gallons of water from the Chicago River. It uses that water “to cool heating, ventilation, and air conditioning systems,” reports the Associated Press. Then it releases that same water back into the river but 35 degrees hotter. They’ve been using river water unlawfully for more than a year.

Nebraska’s first execution since 1997 used fentanyl: The drug is embroiled deeply in the heart of the opioid crisis wreaking havoc on the country. This is the first use of fentanyl in this way. Many believed this untested method brought with it unknown risks, citing how the inmate’s face turned red, and then purple, and how the execution lasted longer than expected.

Headline of the week: Bill Cosby Says Being Declared A Sexually Violent Predator Will Damage His Reputation.

Tonight’s best Seattle entertainment options include: A show with cult rockers Poster Children, the opening of the open-call art exhibition ROAR: Your Voice, Your Story, Our Truth, and a book presentation on the business of writing with Stranger contributor Paulette Perhach.

Now, what you’re eating for breakfast this morning:

Patty asks: “Do you need a caption or does the depression speak for itself?”

Its pretty clear to me, Patty
It’s pretty clear to me, Patty.

Lissa: “In a race to use up all the nectarines and avocados we got at Costco before they go bad.”

Tag me into that race. Someone loan me their Costco card.

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Simon: “GF home-baked bread with goat cheese, a small tomato, and Kalles from IKEA.”

This is so aesthetic, what the fuck.

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DeeDee: “Cheater deviled egg, these yummy cheese and meat sticks that are a godsend for quick meals (mozzarella wrapped in salami and prosciutto), and some watermelon. I normally loathe flavored coffee, but this Highlander Grog we have at work is delicious, so that’s what I added to my creamer this morning. Featuring a pretty plate I got for a buck.”

So color coordinated!
So color coordinated!

Patrick! What is this!

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Update: The early bird gets the worm, as well all know. But we’ve had some late arrivals that would like their breakfasts to be showcased.

Jim sent me this avant-garde upside down number today, but I’m going to rotate it so we can really appreciate it’s beauty: “Bottom up is English muffin, Louisiana Hot Sauce, jalapeno Spam, red bell pepper and onion, egg fried in cajun spice, cheddar cheese, avocado. I make a fancy egg breakfast every morning with a different spice”

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Here’s Dan’s contribution. You all probably know Dan. But do you know what Dan eats for breakfast? This is intimacy.

Dan: “Two poached eggs, toast with way too much butter, fruit, and black tea, unsweetened, in my Expo 86 cup.”

There’s no such thing as too much butter on toast.

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Nathalie Graham covers anything she finds fun, weird, or interesting. You can find a lot of that in her column, Play Date. Her work has also appeared around town in The Seattle Times, GeekWire, and the...