I'm still coming to terms with the fact that we're going to be talking about this guy forever. Credit: Nate Gowdy
Im still coming to terms with the fact that were going to be talking about this guy forever.
I’m still coming to terms with the fact that we’re going to be talking about this guy forever. Nate Gowdy

Weekday Trumpdate gives you the latest on the ongoing catastrophe in the White House.

To start the day, Trump whined about Google:

Later in the afternoon, he doubled-down on his criticisms, per The Washington Post:

“I think Google is really taking advantage of a lot of people,” Trump said. “And I think that’s a very serious thing, and it’s a very serious charge. … We have literally thousands and thousands of complaints coming in. And you just can’t do that. So I think that Google and Twitter and Facebook, they’re really treading on very, very troubled territory. And they have to be careful. It’s not fair to large portions of the population.”

It’s, uh, all a bunch of bullshit, as CNN breaks down:

What the President of the United States is peddling to his 54 million Twitter followers, then, is an anecdote hung on a flawed analysis of media partisanship. The conclusions Bolyard’s piece draws are entirely based on what she believed going into her “investigation.” If every major media outlet in the country is biased, and Google uses the size of media outlets and the frequency they are cited as sources in its search algorithm (and it does!), then voila, all searches conducted via Google are biased.

Like I said: Conspiracy theories are so pervasive because many are simply impossible to prove false. Which, of course, doesn’t make them true.

And last night, after comparing a bunch of Christian ministers to the stock market, Trump told them that they’re “one election away from losing everything” they’ve got, according to NYT:

“I just ask you to go out and make sure all of your people vote,” Mr. Trump told the group of about 100 evangelical ministers. “Because if they don’t — it’s Nov. 6 — if they don’t vote we’re going to have a miserable two years and we’re going to have, frankly, a very hard period of time because then it just gets to be one election — you’re one election away from losing everything you’ve got.”

But that wasn’t it. He said lots more stupid shit, too, via NBC News:

In a closed-door meeting with evangelical leaders Monday night, President Donald Trump repeated his debunked claim that he had gotten “rid of” a law forbidding churches and charitable organizations from endorsing political candidates, according to recorded excerpts reviewed by NBC News.

In fact, the law remains on the books, after efforts to kill it in Congress last year failed.

Manaforts trial gets pushed back, per USA Today:

A federal judge granted a partial delay in Paul Manafort’s second financial fraud trial, ordering opening statements in the case to begin Sept. 24.

U.S. District Judge Amy Jackson said Tuesday that jury selection would begin as originally scheduled on Sept. 17, but she set the new date to allow attorneys for the former Trump campaign chairman more time to prepare.

Twitter questioned Melania Trump’s robotics:

Lots of dead people don’t want to hang out with Trump, says The Washington Post:

Less than two years into his first term, Trump has often come to occupy the role of pariah — both unwelcome and unwilling to perform the basic rituals and ceremonies of the presidency, from public displays of mourning to cultural ceremonies.

In addition to being pointedly not invited to McCain’s funeral and memorial service later this week — while former presidents Barack Obama and George W. Bush will both eulogize the Arizona Republican — Trump was quietly asked to stay away from former first lady Barbara Bush’s funeral earlier this year.

And Trump really can’t stand that some dead guy is getting so much attention, reports the Wall Street Journal:

White House officials said they prodded Mr. Trump for two days to put out a kind word about Mr. McCain. Mr. Trump resisted, and viewed the news coverage of the former senator’s death as over-the-top and more befitting a president.

Trump repeated that Mexico is gonna pay for that wall. Then Mexico repeated they ain’t paying for that damn wall. Then Trump repeated, per Politico:

“It will ultimately be paid for by Mexico,” Trump said.

Finally, when asked about Trump’s performance in bed, Stormy Daniels told Vogue:

“How many details can you really give about two minutes?” she says. Two minutes? I ask. “Maybe. I’m being generous.”

It’s the 585th day of Donald Trump’s presidency. 585 is at least 465 higher than the number of seconds Trump can—reportedly—last in bed.

Chase Burns is The Stranger's former editor. He's covered everything from gay luchadores to chemical weapons to Isabella Rossellini's favorite pets.