How very MAGA of you: The Biden administration will build 20 additional miles of the former president’s infamous border wall in Starr County, Texas. Not so long ago, Biden railed against Trump for the very stupid project. During his campaign he promised not to continue its construction, and in office he passed a resolution affirming that commitment and saying the wall was “not a serious policy solution.” US Customs and Border Protection justified the policy Biden once scoffed at by arguing Congress already paid for the wall in 2019, so they HAVE to do it. Girl, Biden waived 26 federal laws to permit more border wall construction. The US government certainly does not HAVE to do anything they find wasteful or abhorrent. 

Chippin’ away:

If you’re ready, come and get it (nah-nah-nah-nah boo-boo): As you savvy Stranger readers already know, the Republicans fired House Speaker Kevin McCarthy. Can we get an LOL in the chat? But it’s a tough job to fill considering the fractured state of the caucus. According to CBS News, two big, brave boys announced their candidacy for the opening yesterday afternoon: Majority Leader Steve Scalise of Louisiana and Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio. 

Scalise is a big duh for the Republicans: He’s the second-ranking member, he got shot and still loves guns, and he voted twice against making Martin Luther King, Jr. Day a state holiday during his time at the Louisiana State Legislature. Nice! From what I read, he talks about Republican unity a lot, so maybe he would do a better job herding the GOP cats than McCarthy. The dude behind McCarthy’s downfall, Rep. Matt Gaetz, also indicated to press that Scalise could be a good replacement. But the party might be too ableist to put Scalise in charge since he recently revealed a blood cancer diagnosis. 

As for Jimmy: Jordan’s an old dog, too, having sat in congress since 2006. But he’s not much of a unifier. He’s a founding member of the House Freedom Caucus, which is a much cuter way of calling your little friends the “Far-Right Caucus.” He also earned the title of “legislative terrorist” from former House Speaker John Boehner. Jordan has tried to get this job before, so we’ll see if the current climate gives that nutter a better shot. 

Dear future speaker:

In other speaker news: The Canadian House of Commons elected their first ever Black speaker, Greg Fergus. The move comes a week after the last speaker stepped down for leading lawmakers in a standing ovation for a literal Nazi he invited into the chambers. 

ICYMI: The Three Percenters adopted three highways in Washington. Stranger superstar Vivian McCall asks, “Why would any anti-government group want its name on a government sign, and why would they clean government-owned roads for free in the first place?” She answers the questions too, btw. 

Woman, Life, Freedom: Iranian women’s rights advocates accuse the State’s morality police of brutally assaulting a 16-year-old girl who entered a train station without covering her hair. She’s in the hospital with serious injuries, and Iranian authorities blame low blood-pressure. This allegation comes a year after 22-year-old Mahsa Amini’s death in the morality police’s custody sparked huge protests. Police arrested thousands, and more than 300 people died in the struggle. Sources did not directly say the cops or the government killed the 300 people, but CNN reports that the government executed more than 500 Iranians last year.

Day two: More than 75,000 Kaiser Permanente workers left their jobs yesterday in the largest health care strike in US history. And they’re back at it again today! The union said the workers will end their stoppage Saturday morning regardless of their bosses next moves. But to avoid a “stronger, longer” strike in November, Kaiser Permanente needs to make some concessions NOW. Keep up the good fight! Love you! Solidarity!

Dirty deal: As his Democratic colleagues call for Sen. Bob Menendez to resign over bribery charges, new information makes the allegations look even worse. So, we knew that Menendez accepted a Mercedes-Benz convertible worth more than $60,000 in exchange for his political influence, right? Well, newly reveled police records show that the new car replaced the vehicle his then-girlfriend, now-wife drove when she struck and killed a pedestrian in 2018.

Bed bugs incoming: Did you see this shit on Twitter? This is a real-life bed bug moments before catching a ride to LA on some fashion girly’s Fjallraven Kanken backpack. Stay safe out there.

Security: King County Metro made a promise to beef up security after someone shot and killed a man on the H Line Tuesday night. For Metro, that means more transit cops from King County Sheriff’s Office (KCSO). However, as KOMO reported, KCSO complains they are short 18 cops for Metro Police. Flagging this because I’m sure someone on the county council will try to take the opportunity to give KCSO more money. 

Listen up, West Seattle, Georgetown, SODO, South Park, Pioneer Square: District 1 City Council candidates Maren Costa and Rob Saka squared up Tuesday night at the Seattle City Club forum. Usually forums are very boring, and I always pull out my eyebrow hairs when I watch them. [Editor’s note: Yeah, same.] But thank gaaaaaawd for the incredibly based moderator, who kept pressing the candidates about how they would pay for all the stuff they claim they want to “invest” in. 

Costa gave the correct response: The City will probably face a budget deficit of more than $200 million, so Costa said the City needs to tax the rich. Duh. While I don’t like how Saka responded, I will give the usually non-committal candidate props for staking out a position at all, even if it’s what the girls call “delulu.”

The “delulu” in question: He said he’s going to start spending the money the City already has, which, whether he wants to admit it or not, means cuts. I shut down that bad argument here, if you need a refresher. If (read: when) he runs out of existing funds, then Saka said he’ll rely on the goodness of big business’ hearts to pay for our programs via public-private partnership. Can’t imagine they will give the City as much money as a new tax would force out of them! If that’s not enough, Saka said he’ll ask the County, the State, and the Feds to pay for stuff. As he noted in the forum, the feds can print more money. Finally, after he goes through all that bullshit, allowing the expensive crises the City faces to further fester, then he’ll look at taxing the rich. You can tell this man has a sense of urgency!

Speaking of taxes: Yesterday the Mayor signed a bill into law instituting a new tax on tourists. I’m not a simp for tourists at all, but this is just a reminder that he’s not against taxes, he’s against taxes on corporations, landlords, and the rich. 

The best way to revitalize downtown: Do whatever EverOut tells you to do. Buy the food they tell you to buy. Drink the booze they tell you to drink. 

Ukraine: Russia bombed a grocery store in Ukraine, killing at least 49 civilians in the latest episode of senseless cruelty in the war.

This song came on while I watched RuPaul reruns in an effort to better relate to my new bestie:

Hannah Krieg is a staff writer at The Stranger covering everything that goes down at Seattle City Hall. Importantly, she is a Libra. She is also The Stranger's resident Gen Z writer, with an affinity for...