Date: Sat May 14
Place: The Baranof, 8549 Greenwood Ave N
Time: 12:05 am
If I were a location scout for Quentin Tarantino or David Lynch, the Baranof would be a leading contender for “potential setting of explosive, nonlinear opening sequence.” From the wall covered in vintage copper Jell-O molds to the hallucinogen-conjuring nature of the bright-blue nautical theme splashed throughout the dining room, just walking through the front door is a cinematic experience. Turning the corner, we pass a white piano (remarkably in tune, according to one of my tipsy musician companions who can’t resist a quick drumming of the keys) and enter the large room adjacent to the smaller, dimly lit lounge. At this late hour, the rambunctious karaoke crowd is well-lubricated; one young guy is belting out an impressively atrocious version of Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” while his friends cheer him on and dance with the distinct bob and weave that is only possible to achieve after at least four cocktails. We order a couple of whiskies from the lovably grouchy woman tending bar and grab a table in the lounge, noting the appropriately caustic signage behind the bar (“Warning: Bitch Bites” and “Hot beer, lousy food, bad service-Welcome and have a nice day!”). A handful of customers are compulsively tearing through a pile of pull-tabs as the karaoke MC, a congenial redhead with an encouraging tone, calls up someone named Sarah for her turn on the mic. While Sarah belts out Patsy Cline’s “Walking After Midnight,” my attention turns to a fascinating older woman in the corner who’s wearing a red-and-white trucker hat, a gray, notch-collared suit coat, and a loud-patterned skirt. She has the spellbound attention of a young hipster boy who is chatting her up, a sight that makes me think she’s full of all sorts of fantastic stories. One of our bartenders has commandeered the karaoke mic and is robustly singing “You’re Going to Miss Me When I’m Gone.” Although it would no doubt mean a premature death from cirrhosis, I’d come to this place every night if I could.