Gone are the days where Drag Race reunion episodes are sordid kiki sessions where the queens sit around and throw shade at one another.
Now, we’ve got LaLaPaRuzas, and if you have trouble wrapping your tongue around that particular RuPaulism, just know that Ru struggles with it too: she called it a “lip-sync whatcha-callit.” Keep cashing those checks, Mama.
Punny tongue twisters aside, we got nine (!) lip-sync battles as all the eliminated queens duked it out for the title of “Queen of She Already Done Had Herses,” plus a $50K cash prize. Discord was thrilled at how many safety pins she could buy with that much money. And I was just happy to see Jane back on my television screen.
Briar Blush, post Faintgate, opted to sit out of the LaLaPaRuza on her doctor’s orders, revealing her diagnoses of walking pneumonia and sepsis. The other queens were supportive, a kind conclusion to what had been a problematic edit of Briar’s health issues.
We also revisited the drama between Ciara Myst (her bloody Carrie-inspired werkroom look was doing the most) and Jane Don’t, the recipient of Ciara’s suitcase full of scraps in Episode 10’s design challenge. When Jane confronted Ciara about the sabotage, Ciara claimed innocence, but was happy to hear how her presence haunted the werkroom even after she had sashayed away. Keep those bitches talking about you, and you’ll live forever.
RuPaula-Shanina-PaRuza
The Lip-Sync LalaPaRuza Smackdown *tongue pop* featured all RuPaul songs, because apparently a reunion episode isn’t worth the staggering licensing fees for a dozen gay anthems.
I enjoy RuPaul’s music just as much as the next Drag Race gay. The song selections were diverse, considering they were all Ru’s; his sixteen-album catalogue skillfully samples from basically every queer genre you can think of from disco and house to sissy bounce and hyperpop.
The “RuPaula-Shanina-PaRuza” (thanks, Ru) was structured into three rounds. The longer a queen lasted in the competition, the later she would enter the fray. The first round featured DD Fuego, Mandy Mango, Vita VonTesse Starr, Ciara Myst, Mia Starr, and Athena Dion. The three winning queens of round one would then enter round two against Kenya Pleaser, Discord Addams, and Jane Don’t; then, the last three queens standing after round two would battle it out alongside Juicy Love Dion (the “final boss,” according to Discord) in round three. Finally, the last two queens would battle for the win.
Meanwhile, our top three took on a spectator role. Floridian Myki Meeks wore an elegant citrus-patterned dress, while Darlene Mitchell appeared as a cheeky diner waitress complete with a stack of pancakes. And Nini Coco looked like the most glamorous STI you could possibly get.
Let the Lip-Syncs Begin
With Asaf of the Pit Crew pulling balls from the Golden Hopper to decide the order of the queens’ lip syncs, our first matchup was between Ciara and Athena to “Born Naked.” (Asaf was the gem of the episode—his reactions from the judges’ panel were so pure.) Ciara went for a mutated beauty queen look a la The Substance while Athena was clean and classic. Despite struggling with her reveal, Ciara got the pass and Athena sashayed away.
Next up was Mia and Mandy to “Just What They Want,” a hyperpop-house track with a lot of words. The matchup was epic, with both queens giving their all. Mia brought a fat stack of real dollar bills to make it rain on Mandy mid-lip-sync. Icon behavior won Mia the lip-sync, and Mandy joined the peanut gallery.
As the last lip-sync for round one, Vita and DD Fuego squared off to the classic disco beat of “Main Event.” DD’s looks and movement were beautiful, and it was great to see more from our Porkchop of the season. However, Vita better matched the energy of the song and became the final queen to advance.
Vita and Mia, still sweating from round one, kicked off the second bout with “Call Me Mother” —a bouncy house track that made for an excellent mainstage showdown. Mia won by a hair, advancing her to the final round.
Next up were Kenya and Ciara to “Pretty Gang,” a RuPaul track that I don’t think much about, and it was okay. Ciara just sort of walked back and forth while Kenya bounced around the stage, bringing her the win.
And now we get to Jane. With Discord as her opponent, Jane had an opportunity to do “the funniest thing ever,” which was choosing “Sissy That Walk” as their lip-sync song. When the beat dropped, she mimicked Discord’s iconic walk (Discord did too) to howls of delight from everyone present. Jane’s comedy savvy brought her the win.
The Final Four
As round three began, I wondered how Jane could pull off a win against performance powerhouses Mia, Kenya, and Juicy. Nini thought she could by channeling her “Jane magic,” AKA using the lip-sync song to make her opponent look silly.
But alas, Jane could not keep up with Juicy Love Dion during “Cha Cha Bitch.” Juicy made Drag Race herstory by doing a costume reveal through a back handstand (!), cinching her a spot in the top two. Jane wasn’t too put out by her loss: “I’m ready to go drink and talk shit.” Love you, Jane. Can’t wait to see you at home.
Mia and Kenya jiggled and wiggled their way through “Peanut Butter,” a sissy bounce masterpiece featuring vocals from the queen diva herself, Big Freedia. The energy was high. The asses were fat. Both queens put on a spectacular show, but Mia was a bit more precise, launching her into the top.
And here we go again: Mia Starr versus Juicy Love Dion. The last time these two queens lip-synced, it was a double win. The LalaPaRuza finale was the ultimate tiebreaker to the tune of “Cover Girl,” the proto-Drag Race track that started it all. While Mia gave it her all, this was her fourth high-energy lip-sync of the day, and she couldn’t quite keep up with her drag niece. Juicy killed it, winning the title and the cash prize, a tidy conclusion to her prodigious story arc.
Join us next week for the finale of Season 18, where Myki Meeks, Nini Coco, and Darlene Mitchell compete for the crown. Also, Team Jane Don’t for Miss Congeniality! The bitch deserves it.
See you then!
