Good Morning! We’ve got more sunshine coming your way today. Highs in the 60s, perfect Outdoor Beverage Weather, and it’s expected to last all weekend. Go find a patio.
But first, the news.
“As Long as It Takes”: Iran says they won’t come to the table for peace talks until the US Navy lifts the blockade in the Strait of Hormuz. Pete Hegseth says it will last “as long as it takes, whatever President Trump decides.” He also complained that our “allies” that we alienated by starting a war without consulting anyone, aren’t helping reopen the strait. None of this appears to be getting us any closer to peace talks, but TV personality Hegseth wants you to know that this isn’t the longest war we’ve ever been in, so stop complaining.
A New Kind of Insider Trading: Federal prosecutors have indicted a US Army special forces soldier, accusing him of using his insider knowledge of the operation to capture Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro to bet on his removal on Polymarket. According to the prosecutors, 38-year-old Gannon Ken Van Dyke was literally part of the team that planned and carried out the Caracas raid when Maduro was kidnapped, and Van Dyke won $400,000 off of his bets on Polymarket. This is the first time US officials have brought criminal charges against someone over prediction market wagers, but it definitely won’t be the last. How many of Trump’s buddies do you think are placing bets on the Iran peace deal while you read this?
Trump Has the Reno Itch Again: He’s slowly turning the Capitol into a Trump-brand hotel, and this time, he’s renovating the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. According to Trump, there were plans to replace the pool’s aging granite, which were expected to take about three years. Instead, he’s calling on an old buddy from his hotelier days, and he’s going to have them line the pool with an “industrial grade pool” surface in just a few weeks, all wrapped up before the country’s 250th anniversary party. Trump told reporters that he’d originally wanted a turquoise-colored surface in the pool “like in the Bahamas” but his contractor suggested “American flag blue.”
Tariff Refunds Are Coming? But not for you. Companies were able to hike their prices and recoup the cost of Trump’s bonkers-ass tariffs, and now, they’re the ones getting refunds from the Trump administration now that they’ve been deemed illegal.
Trump Disapproval Is the Highest It’s Been in His Second Term: Sounds about right.
Maybe This Will Help: On Trump’s orders, the FDA is fast tracking the review of three psychedelics that could help with treatment resistant depression.
This Whole Blurb Is a Dick Joke: If your social media algorithm is anything like mine, you might already know of Renea Gamble. In October, the 62-year-old Alabama grandmother put on a 7-foot inflatable penis costume and a sign that read “No Dick-tators” to her local No Kings rally, and the video of her being awkwardly arrested by three local cops went a little viral. She was charged with a misdemeanor for being a threat to “public safety,” and for giving the cops a false name (“Aunt Tifa”). This month, she went to court for the charges against her, and the prosecutor argued that there is no constitutional right to dress as a giant “erect penis.” The judge was unconvinced that Gamble’s 7-foot shaft was a threat to anyone’s safety.
KCRHA on the Chopping Block: After the release of a bleak audit of the King County Regional Homelessness Authority (a more than $40 million deficit and $13 million missing public dollars), City Councilmember Maritza Rivera and County Councilmember Rod Dembowski have announced their plans to file simultaneous resolutions to dissolve the Authority. “Cats get nine lives,” Dembowski said. “This organization has had 10—one more than it should have.” If passed, the dual resolutions would trigger a yearlong wind-down of KCRHA.
Step Away From the Battery-Powered Socks: Apparently Costco was selling heated socks, and if you bought them, it’s time to get your refund. The Consumer Product Safety Commission says 13 people have gotten first- or second-degree burns from the rechargeable $30 socks.
Yikes: UW researchers found that Latino farmworkers are at significantly higher risk for long COVID than the general population, and they’re less likely to get diagnosed with it. A survey from the university’s Latino Center for Health showed that more than 41 percent of agricultural workers experience long COVID (one of the highest rates of the professions that they studied) and 34 percent of Latinos report experiencing long COVID (the highest rate among the racial groups surveyed). I dunno, maybe diagnosis would be easier if they had collective bargaining rights and had the time and resources to go to the doctor?
Breaking News: The fare inspectors on King County Metro didn’t collect a single dollar. The 30 officers asked nearly 79,000 passengers for proof of payment, wrote 2,186 warnings for people who didn’t have it, and issued eight whole citations to people caught fare-less after several warnings. And not a single one of those people paid their fine. How many fares do you think those 30 salaries could cover?
Two Capitol Hill Bookstores in Their Final Chapters: Ada’s Technical Books and Cafe and Haunted Burrow Books have both announced that they’re closing up shop this June. In a rare turn of events, though, neither seem to be being pushed out by insane rent hikes or abusive landlords. Danielle Hulton, who owns Ada’s, actually owns the building it’s in, and is looking for a new tenant. And Haunted Burrow Books owner Roxanne Guiney says “HBB has always been a temporary store,” and they’re just sticking to their plans.
There wasn’t a lot of good news today, so do you wanna see a baby koala peeking out of its mom’s pouch at a Florida zoo? I do.
Looking for something to do this weekend? Look no further. Shabazz Palaces is playing at Nectar Lounge on Saturday.
