On September 9, the Khosla family—who got uber rich from computer stuff—was officially introduced as the new owners of the Seattle Seahawks.
At the Khoslas’ inaugural press conference at Lumen Field, billionaire venture capitalist Vinod (one of the founders of Sun Microsystems, the company that invented Java) sat between his wife, Neeru (a molecular biologist and nonprofit cofounder), and their son, Neal (himself a Silicon Valley CEO in the health care field). The family promised to take a hands-off approach to the football side of team operations, announced the return of white throwback jerseys in 2027, and effused praise on Seattle’s zealous fanbase.
It was all pretty standard stuff, especially given that their gazillion-dollar purchase (read: $9.6 billion) bought them the defending Super Bowl champions, and the Bay Area–based family was cautious not to rock the boat too much. But a few sartorial details of that afternoon hinted at a much more tech-ified existence for the Seahawks, even more so than when they were run by Microsoft pioneer Paul Allen. A boots-on-the-ground ESPN story reported that Vinod, a 71-year-old man, wore Seahawk-colored shoes designed by ChatGPT. Meanwhile, Neal, 33 years old and very online, weighed in with his own thoughts on the contentious and Earth-destroying technology. “We’re not here to make decisions about how AI gets used in football,” the Khosla son, whose official title with the Seahawks is “vice chair,” said. “I think we’re here to have those conversations and hopefully bring some new ideas.”
While some signs were there—Neal, as far as we know, did not rock a fresh pair of ChatGPT 1s, though he did sport a leather bomber jacket, the type a tech bro would wear to speak to a computer science class and definitely turn the chair around backward—Neal was quiet about how much chatbots actually rule his life. For that, we have to go to his incredibly cursed X account, which boasts 37,000 followers and greets visitors with a bio that reads, “I judge myself on what my 8 and 80 year old selves would think.” Perhaps for obvious reasons, he kept his freakazoid internet habits on the down-low while answering questions about publicly entering the jock space. But just one day before that landmark press conference—the price was the highest ever paid for an NFL franchise, and the Khoslas became the first owners of Indian descent in league history—he was posting about Ultra GPT-6 Astra, Open AI’s business-specific model. I’m not entirely sure what this image means or what Ultra GPT-6 Astra does, because I’m a person who regularly goes outside. What I do know is that Neal captioned this screenshot with a simple “fuck it we ball,” which caused every fiber of my being to simultaneously cringe.
Mere hours before that, he was touting the work of a company called Forus, quoting a post from the Forus CEO all about how they were bringing AI to the medical field, a horrifying proposition for anyone who watched Season 2 of The Pitt. “Great company. Great founder,” Khosla wrote (presumably using his own fingers, but who knows?), while someone in the comments wondered if he was part of the New World Order.
The AI posts didn’t stop there. On September 18, now with a much more visible profile after the Seahawks began their 2026 season, Khosla authored his opinion on OpenAI’s Astra being superior to Muse, the agent developed by Mark Zuckerberg’s Meta. Not only that, he did so in cutesy language clearly indicative of a digital native.
Again, I’m not totally sure what any of this means, because I mostly deal in the human realm. But on September 21, Khosla posited that this current artificial intelligence hellscape is actually “the magic golden era of agents” and cryptically alluded to WalMart having something to do with it? To his credit, Khosla does seem to possess some self-awareness about his obvious AI infatuation, taking to X on October 2 to state that he is weary of AI psychosis at Anthropic, particularly because he believes the company is building a “conscious god”, then later quoting himself with more e-girl speak: “it’s giving aztec empire.” All right, man.
I’m sure this really made waves in the light-up keyboard, multiple monitor community, as did his ensuing bars on October 3 about how “computer use is coming for phones and it’s going to be a knife fight.” Whatever you say, babe.
It wasn’t until a few days later, though, that Khosla put out his pièces de résistance. The first one—which, I will remind you, is coming from a purported computer genius who is the top-ranking official of a tech company—apologized for getting hacked. If you were duped by this hack and got involved with any sort of Neal Khosla cryptocurrency, DO NOT BUY ANYTHING!
Then, not even 48 hours after the embarrassment of his two-factor authentication failing him, Khosla decided to compound his humiliation by showing everyone that he used Fo, an AI agent from the San Francisco startup Wajo—not even one of the most well-known AI purveyors!—to execute the simple task of buying flowers for his fiancée. In this case, the AI snitched on him for using it to write a heartfelt note, because apparently “Love you. Hope you have a great week!” would have been too complicated to come up with on his own.
People made fun of him accordingly, prompting a five-part defense where he owned up to his laziness, acknowledged his fiancée was as pissed about the note as the angry mob in his mentions, and then turned the tables and asked when was the last time you bought flowers for your lover? (By the way, Khosla likes Fo because it was able to call pharmacies and inquire about his dog’s medication, a problem that Alexander Graham Bell solved in 1876.)
This daring disruptor, who theoretically has the power to decide things like how the Seahawks should handle ticket sales or if stadium employees could be replaced by robots, went dormant for a while after that. That’s nothing new for Khosla, or his company, Curai Health, which has not tweeted since 2024. Khosla’s personal website—which, like the Curai account, is linked in his bio—is strangely private and requires a special login to access, making it literally impossible to see what he’s up to on there.
But with the Seahawks getting their season back on track after a resounding primetime win over the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday night, he dipped his toes back in the water with a safe, uncontroversial Tuesday morning post about how there’s nothing like Lumen Field when the 12th Man is at its loudest. Then, later that day, when news broke that the Seahawks had traded for future Hall of Fame guard Quenton Nelson, Khosla couldn’t resist firing off a doctored photo of Seattle general manager John Schneider with glowing red eyes.
This seemed to mark the end of his full digital cleanse, which included not responding to a request for comment via the Contact Us page on Curai’s website.
Maybe I should have used Fo.
