Credit: Steven Weissman

For the love of all things holy, the dog park is NOT your petting zoo.

If you have a dog, fine, bring your kid. I’ll make an exception. But check the gummy bears at the door. And for everyone’s safety and sanity, make sure your walking liabilities aren’t covered in PB&J and Goldfish dust.

My dog is a rescue. She has issues. She does NOT want you petting her head. EVER. AT ALL. She will react. No, she won’t bite, but she’ll scare the absolute shit out of you, your precious prince/princess/princex, and me.

Dogs at the park are already amped up and doing dog stuff. They’re not there for your entertainment or affection. Keep your hands to yourself, let dogs approach if they choose, and understand that no dog owes you affection—regardless of your age.

We’re here because it’s one of the few places my dog can run free with other unhinged dogs and just be a dog. I’m not here to supervise your kids or have some blond every-other-weekend dad lecture me about my dog’s behavior while making absolutely no effort to manage his own kid in the ONE PLACE designed for dogs to be dogs.

And if you don’t have a dog, do NOT bring your child for the “experience.” That’s not enrichment; it’s entitlement. People with no real experience around dogs wind up doing dumb shit like trying to cuddle a goddamn husky.

The dog park is for dogs. Let them have their fucking park.


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