You brag about how low maintenance you are. Then you ask where I’d
like to go for dinner. We’ve been through this before, so I choose one
from the list of the five measly restaurants that you’re actually
willing to patronize. You say, “Naw. What’s your second choice?”

My “second” choice? Are you kidding me? On the list of the 700 or so
places I would plausibly eat, this choice is about 690. My second
choice was a steak house. My 300th choice was a tapas place that serves
three vegan dishes you deem unworthy.

You may care about resource use and animal rights, but you’re one
selfish carrotfucker. I’m willing to limit all my nonbirthday dining to
a list of five restaurants I dislike. Now shut the hell up and march
your righteous intestines to whichever of those five places I dread the
least.

Christ. I’m actually starting to hate you for this. Hipster dick is
crazy overrated.

50 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  7. Being vegan doesn’t make this person a dick. being a dick makes him a dick.

    Not every vegan is a pretentious asshole. Maybe you should get better at choosing your friends.

  8. Vegans drive me nucking futs, most aggravating, pompous, self righteous asswipes I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. Ditch the whiny bitch dear and get a real man.

  9. Agreed! I’m a vegan, but I’ve sat through MANY measly salads and steamed veggies dishes for my man so he can go to a steak house. It’s only fair to suffer a tiny bit for all he puts up with for my diet. Tell this carrotfucker to fuck off.

  10. Ha! Genius!

    AW – I think he or she is fucking this guy and the final sentence is in regard to the fact that maybe the dick isn’t worth it if he/she has to continue put up with his snobbery when it comes to the Vegan choices in this town.

  11. If you are not paying your own way on the “non birthday” dining then you are an ungrateful sexist hag who thinks the hipster dicks of the world owe you a meal ticket. I wouldn’t take you to McDonalds

  14. haha, yeah. I used the word “dick” to generalize his behavior, before I remembered that she had used it in the literal sense within the letter.
    I’m a serial skimmer.

  15. I’m with CB on this one. I eat a lot of salads and vegie side dishes at tons of restaurants with my friends. I never ask them to come to a veg-only place though. It’s my responsibility to feed myself the way I choose, not them. Ditch that guy. What a whiner! He’d whine no matter what his dietary choice.

  16. SO right on! If you’re going to have ridiculous limitations on what you will eat, bring your OWN DAMN FOOD when you join friends for dinner….especially when you go to someone’s house. “Oh, I can’t eat that”- NO- You WON’T eat it! AARGH!

  17. As a vegan myself I don’t have any trouble eating any place that I sit down to eat. But it does get old and depressing only eating in places where they glorify something so horrific as the consumption of our fellow earthlings. Maybe you need to take some time to question what your family and culture have pounded into you and see that there is more going on in this life then satisfying your selfish needs. Your not 2 anymore. Take some time to find the bigger picture.
    Striving to do good by ourselves, our fellow earthlings and the planet does not make us the bad people. A world where no one stands up for the weak would not be a better place. Those people who do have basic human rights today would not have those rights if it were not for people willing to stand up for those who could not stand up for themselves.

  19. Adding comments to I, Anonymous wasn’t one of the better decisions the staff made. It seems like every time a new post is thrown up there’s a crowd of people reading waaaaay too fucking deeply into 156 words.

  21. There are 700 other choices for restaurants and there are tens of thousands of other choices for partnership or friendship in your community, at least half of whom also have dicks. So, stop venting to all of us, and find someone you can both eat and eat with.

  22. I agree that vegans of both genders tend to be self-righteous, humorless dickheads. I wonder how long they’d cling to the high holy ground they think they occupy if they had the balls to travel outside their western comfort zone, and dined with a Tibetan family that depended on meat for their basic substinence?

  24. I agree with cb–there’s give and take in a relationship where one party is vegetarian/vegan/whatever. I’m veggie. My husband isn’t. We deal. Sometimes he wants a big slice of rare cow, so I deal with the pathetic salads and such that are offered by places that specialize in such meaty treats. Other times he sucks it up and we go to vegetarian places. It all works out.

    Veganism hasn’t made this dude such a dick. Dickishness has made him a dick. The rest of us non-omnivores hate bastards like him; he makes the rest of us look bad. Dump his hipster ass and find a person who’s willing to deal.

  26. King, how does Yakdan saying he makes dietary choices based on big picture considerations make him uptight? I’d say sensitive.

    Go to Taewon Thai in Fremont. Almost everything on the menu can be ordered vegan or with meat. And its some of the best Thai food in town.

  27. “Not every vegan is a pretentious asshole.”

    Yes, but being a pretentious asshole makes you more likely to kick it up a notch from vegetarianism. You’re no good at compromise.

  32. So your date didn’t like your choice and asked you for the 2nd pick… you rant on about and yet HE’s the asshole?

    Even better, he’s vegan so vegans are assholes. It’s so easy for the majority to take a “fault” and paint all the others with that brush. What’s his race? religion? age? Maybe that’s why HE’s the asshole.

    It’s a funny rant though. If it’s just meant to be funny, than really neither of you are assholes.

  34. Here is the problem with this argument: Many people who cram their facehole with whatever the fuck is laying around are ASSHOLES…PERIOD. You should face the fact that the HIPSTER that you are fucking is a pointless pile of shit and always was, and if he ate raw bloody meat for every fucking meal he would still be a fucking HIPSTER DICKWAD…god I hate “I Anon”.

  35. I think the biggest argument against the ideological vegan or vegetarian is that plants are alive too, bitches.

    LOL. someone wasn’t listening in biology class

  39. Grow up!
    Don’t be an asshole.
    There is nothing wrong with caring about something bigger than your fat steak eating ass.
    Eat a big mac, grow a 4th pair of tits, and then it with him to the vegan restaurant.

  42. Vegans are mostly douchebags. Sad, really, since I am one myself (although I do eat fish), and it is very difficult to associate with my own kind. Mostly I stay home with the cat who owns me and try not to swallow bugs by accident. Also, I’m looking into immuno-suppressing drugs so I won’t kill any more bacteria. They’re people too you know.

  43. I love you. “Carrotfucker.” I’m pro-vegetables, myself, but this is a thing of beauty. I’ve been there, myself, with a veggier-than-thou vegan boy. Alcoholic veggier-than-thou vegan, that is, which is an extra special variety of knowitall.

  44. that’s true, not every vegetarian is a pretentious asshole, just the great majority of the twits!
    from one who now says, the pussy wasn’t worth it!

  45. You shouldn’t be dating hipsters in the first place. Vegan or not, they’re all pretentious c*cksuckers with stupid hair and women’s jeans.

  48. If all the hate directed at vegans is to be believed, only vegan-haters are bigger douches than vegans. But fuck that – it’s always the vocal, difficult, obnoxious ones – vegans, critics or anyone else – who are easiest to find.

    @cartilage – pretty funny comment, I’m surprised nobody took the bait. I guess either vegans aren’t reading this, or they’re not as uptight as advertised 😉

    -vegan (and I swear, not a douche!)

  49. I know this article because hipsters aren’t capable of the physical act of love. They’re all eunuchs – that’s how they fit into those tight pants.

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