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It’s always bugged me, how certain citizens are so admired that we build statues of them, then allow these statues to be plastered in bird crap.

Here’s an online game that allows the statues to fight back: Damn Birds, in which the player is a statue armed with a rifle, with which he or she must blast pooping birds from the sky. Enjoy!

(Thank you, MeFi.)

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...

6 replies on “Fight Back Against Bird Crap!”

  2. I just moved back to Seattle a month ago and I’ve already been crapped on by birds twice. I think it’s supposed to be good luck though so it’s okay.

  3. Hildegard Knef’s “Protest Eines Denkmals.”

    find it. she sings from the point of view of a statue…a bored statue getting shitted on. It bangs.

  5. Forget virtual rifles. I armed myself with a real BB gun so I could take out one particular species of bird that is notorious in my community for pooping on everything and “painting the town white.”

    The redbirds, Cardinals and sparrows that live in my backyard are free to live in peace. Heck, even the obnoxious Blue Jays and Mockingbirds are fine. But all Grackles must die.

    I have only gotten one so far, but it was a very satisfying shot off of a telephone wire. It sort of paused, then slowly toppled to the left and fell down.

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