Attention fuckers calling on me to step down: Fuck. You.. (For real.)

Seriously Washington Times and all 50 Democratic senators and President-fucking-Elect Obama: You want me to step down? For fucking free?

Fuck that. I’ll step down as governor for $500,000.
I’ll step down wearing a French maid’s outfit for $750,000.
Shit, for $25,000, I’ll wrestle anyone live on Pay Per View.
For $10,000, I’ll shave my head, and for an additional $5,000, I’ll eat the hair.

Don’t fuck with me. A governorship is a fucking valuable thing. You just don’t give it away for nothing.

12 replies on “Fuck It”

  1. I’d donate money for a G-Rod resignation in a French Maid outfit. If you end up resigning for free, can we pay you $250K to get that outfit out?

  2. Hot Rod has The Stranger patois totally down. Fire Sanders. Hire Blago.

    Eli’s in love, and it’s screwed his head. As your pub(l)ic editor noted, Sanders flipped from depressive Red Guard denunciations of Intern Sarah (what part of diversity does Eli not understand?) to manic sycophancy for TBTL. Is it true, Eli, that you’re having Burbank’s baby?

    I heard the future, if TBTL’s the future of news/talk, and the future sucks. Even worse than Luke and heh heh heh Jen during the week are Luke-and-Jen reruns on Saturday. So bad that they make Radio Goldy, who sounds like a washed up castrati singer, sound good. (Goldstein, despite his unfortunate voice and goofy politics, sometimes gets it right. Even right-wing misfits are secretly relieved that Goldy’s candidate, John Edwards, is only five weeks away from taking over and saving America. And is it true, Eli, that you are John Edwards’s love child?)

    I remember Luke & Jen from KKKVI. Luke bumbled off to NPR, and Jen did deadly impersonations of simpering NPR snobbery. Now she’s the annoying cartoon character (Luke surely knows who it is) who does a sniveling heh heh … heh heh heh. And that’s the ‘laughter’ Luke listens for to let him know he’s found his groove. Luke, who sounds like the worst of NPR/PRI, Ira Glass, or like Hayes Barnard who sounds like a perv.

    And for this he gets paid six figures? Hope that’s counting the two figures to the right of the decimal point.

    Burbank occasionally takes time out from s’mores or deep-fried prom Snickers to snicker at KVI, which launched him. So maybe, for symmetry, the Mormons can give his prime time to someone worthwhile, and send Luke and Jen to KDDT for one hour, very early Sunday mornings, between erectomercials.

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