Stop with all the fucking self-pity and woe-is-me bullshit, you
self-absorbed twat. Guess what? You totally deserved to get herpes. Not
because you made a reckless decision and let a random dude go down on
you without protection, but because you’re so fucking full of yourself
(plus, your reasons for said reckless decision were vaguely
racist).

In fact, I can’t think of a single person more deserving of getting
herpes than you, with your overinflated ego and lack of self control. I
am sick of hearing about all the boys you hook up with and the
“adorable” things they say. I know you know I’m not
interested—you actually have to ask me to ask you about what
happened with so-and-so, and I still never do. Just so you know, a
blank look means “get the fuck out of my room, it’s three in the
fucking morning,” NOT “please spend the next hour and a half telling me
every excruciating detail of your life.” If I have to have one more
conversation about how herpes is affecting your sex life, I am going to
punch you in the ovaries.

And FYI, calling yourself a make-out slut is not cute, especially
not when the reason you’re not a real slut is because you don’t want to
admit to anyone that you have herpes.recommended

43 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  8. “Apparently a 16 yo high school chick is now the editor of I, Anon.”
    /nods
    Is anyone older really going to write about anything the public would want to read that isn’t a complete and utter wall-o-txt?

  9. “Just so you know, a blank look means ‘get the fuck out of my room, it’s three in the fucking morning,’ NOT ‘please spend the next hour and a half telling me every excruciating detail of your life.'”

    To the potential ovary-puncher:

    Use your words. It tends to work better to actually express your needs rather than to staring blankly at someone and expecting them to read your mind. For example, had you said: “I don’t want to talk. I’m going to bed” your roommate may have actually spared you tales of her sexual exploits.

    Of course, if you express your needs you do miss the bonus of feeling bitter toward your roommate later.

    Why are you so mad at your roommate for hooking up w/ a lot of guys? I wonder if you’re jealous. Believe me, there are a lot more important things going on to invest your energy in, even if you’re oblivious to current events. Get a hobby: e.g. windsurfing, decopage (spelling?), or something, and quit borrowing communication tactics from reality television. In other words, feel your anger and figure out what it’s really about, and speak your mind.

    Also, this last part doesn’t make sense:

    “And FYI, calling yourself a make-out slut is not cute, especially not when the reason you’re not a real slut is because you don’t want to admit to anyone that you have herpes.”

    Yeah your roommate should be telling her sex partners that she has herpes–duh– but she’s not a real slut because she doesn’t admit she has herpes? What? What’s with all the fuss about the terminology, i.e. “make out slut” and “real slut” ? Wow what a blow to your roommate. You’ll certainly confuse her. Sheesh.

    You hate your roommate because, as per your post, she’s a slut, albeit, not a real one, who has herpes and bores you with stories about her hookups. Those are pretty lame reasons to hate anybody. Speak up and/or don’t talk to her anymore.

  10. Sucks that she is trying to open up to somebody and not getting any comfort from the person she is living with. Sounds as if you are the one with the ego problem – jerk face. Also, if people were able to communicate about their bodies better, perhaps the disease wouldn’t be silently passed on the way that is. Karma is a real bitch you know. 😀

  11. I am so confused as to how one gets genital herpes from receiving oral sex. Did they have genital herpes on their mouth? Or did they give oral herpes in the genital region? Either way, I’ve never used protection for cunnilingus. EVER. Now I’m thinking I have the herpes.

  12. OK, FIRST THINGS FIRST. I IN MY WORTHLESS SLUT ROOMATE HAVING DAYS SAID THE SAME THING A MILLION TIMES IN MY HEAD , AND SUFFERED THROUGH THE SAME BULLSHIT BEFORE BLOWING UP AT THE DUMB SLUT. SECOND TO NIP THIS SHIT IN THE BUD YOU HAVE TO BLOW UP THE FIRST TIME AND EVERY TIME UNTIL THEY GET THE POINT, OTHER WISE AS IN ALL THINGS THEY HAVE THIS INTERNAL DIALOG IN THEIR EMPTY VAGINA RULED HEADS “GEE WHY IS HE GETTING MAD? IT CANT BE ABOUT THIS, HE NEVER GETS MAD ABOUT THIS HE LOVES TO HEAR EVERY LITTLE DETAIL OF MY DISGUSTING WHORE LIFE, ITS MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE.” THIRD TO THE GIRL GET A FAG TO TALK TO ABOUT SUCKING DICK. HES NOT INTERESTED IN YOU OR YOUR DAY YOU JUST HELP PAY THE RENT, IT DOESNT MATTER WHO HANDS HIM THE CHECK. YOU OR LISA LAMPANELLI, IT DOESNT MATTER. FOURTH IF HE WAS INTERESTED IN YOU HE’D BE FUCKING YOU, AND YOU WOULDNT HAVE TIME FOR OTHER GUYS. FIFTH IF YOU COME IN MY ROOM AT THREE IN THE MORNING IT HAD BETTER BE TO BLOW ME, OR STAY THE FUCK OUT! SIXTH THE GIRL IS A WHORE WHO DESERVES HERPES, ALL SLUTS DO, I JUST FEEL SORRY FOR ALL THE DUDES SHES GIVING THEM TO. CAUSE I DIDN’T HEAR ANY MENTION OF HER TELLING THEM SHE’S GOT THE HERP. SKANKY WHORE! FINALLY STRANGER, THIS IS CLOSER TO A REAL I,ANON LIKE WE USED TO KNOW, AND LOVE BUT NOT THERE YET. GIVE US THE REAL DIRT OR GIVE UP.

  13. know-it-all: I dunno, I think it’s a pretty good reason. There is definitely such a thing as too much information, and people like this really ought to get a clue that nobody other than them and their questionable bedmates find the grotesque details of their trysts particularly fascinating. That’s what the _Penthouse Letters_ column is for.

  18. So the lady like the big black cock. So what? Most white guys can’t come close to that average size of a black guy, and if the lady needs a big wang to get off, what’s the issue?

  21. TO ANY EDGE. WHEN YOU READ MY WEEKLY POSTING TO I,ANON PICTURE IN YOUR HEAD SAM KINNESON SCEAMING AHHH AHHHH AHHHHH LEPER WHORE AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! THEN YOULL HAVE MY WHAT ACTORS CALL “MOTIVATION” MMMK!

  22. I’ve never lived anywhere else in my life, where as many people have Herpes; as they do in Seattle. They should put Valtrex in the water.

  23. So nobody here has ever had to deal with a blowhard who’s constantly bragging about how much nooky they get or what have you?

    Fess up: all y’all have at least one friend who bores you to tears, and it’s all you can do to act like a good friend and pretend to listen when all you wanna say is “Shut the f*ck up! I don’t care!”

  24. Ummm…Herpes sucks and I’d bet 35% of Seattle’s Stranger’s audience has it (including me), so why not chill out, you’ll probably get it, too…

    (BTW, it sucks, but not that bad, it sure hasn’t ended my sex life or my partner count. I do use condoms for the one-offs though…)

  26. Haha. She sounds like a tool. But so do you. Speak up. Just go “k too much info” and she’ll shut up and you won’t feel like a total btch.

    Blank faces are subject to lots of misinterpretations.

  28. Know-it-all: While I don’t agree with the sentiments of this passive-aggressive post, I will defend the last paragraph. She’s not arguing that her make-out slut status restricts her from being a real bonafide slut. She’s arguing that the only reason her roommate isn’t a legit, all-the-way ho is because she doesn’t want her herpes status coming out. She’s in denial, restricting herself to face-sucking, but her label implies that it’s a choice, rather than a necessity to avoid discovery. It’s like someone proudly claiming renewed ‘virgin’ status, wherein they just don’t want to admit they were sexually promiscuous and contracted a disease. Asserting that they abstain from sex for spiritual belief or some rot.

    I wonder if that at all made sense. Let me try again: Instead of being at all upfront about her STD, she’s cheerfully proclaiming that she’s a makeout-slut in such a way that it seems to have nothing to do with her herpes.

  30. Say, all of us slutty HSV POS people should really bound together and build some sort of network of safe, sane and shame free sluttiness! Be it face or crotch sucking.

    I have no shame in asking for those slutty female herps to “touch base” on gee mail.

  31. If making one mistake and being full of yoursef are enough to deserve herpes, then I think this Anonymous deserves it too. Watch that toilet seat, Anonymous roomate!

  33. herpesmanslut said “I have no shame in asking for those slutty female herps to “touch base” on gee mail.”

    can someone tell me what this means?

  34. I love how no matter what any I, Anonymous auther says, the peanut gallery just tears them to shreds every week. It’s like 100 mini versions of the column!

  35. Exactly NzG! Who the hell uses “protection” with oral sex?! And how is that a reckless decision?! Its the assholes who have herpes and don’t protect their partners that are reckless!

  40. to kate…and everyone else.
    recently, a lot of young women have been contracting ORAL herpes on their genitals. its more often women than men because mucus membranes transmit viruses more easily. un-fucking-fair, i know.
    erase body-area specifics from your mind. now. understanding viruses requires it. oral herpes=virus HSV I. HSV I has less frequent outbreaks than HSV II (genital herpes) and the outbreaks are less intense. the first outbreak of HSV II is nightmarish and ive seen friends go thru it. fever, chills, weeping sores. it sounds (and looks) very painful.
    HSV I and HSV II are similar viruses. HSV II is Big Daddy. HSV I is Little Daddy. and yes, HSV I can be transmitted to the genitals. however, a person is less likely to contract HSV I on their genitals if they already have the virus. understand? and 90% of the population already has it. but i do mean less likely , not impossible.
    and yes, its pretty unrealistic to expect that everyone will start using dental dams/saran wrap/fruit rollups/condoms during oral, so what can you do?
    first, go get the blood test for HSV I & II. its not included in a pap smear. next, start talking to your partners! yes, its difficult. yes, its uncomfortable. but its more difficult & uncomfortable to explain to a potential partner that you have an STI. start by asking “do you have anything i need to know about?” & ask partners not to do oral if they feel like they might be getting a cold sore. start there. educate yourself. not educating yourself about STI’s is a diservice to yourself and your partners and above all, is sexually irresponsible.
    and to mr dingle who asked “why the stigma”? because there are STILL, even in the year 2009, loads of sex-negative, religion-brainwashed, repressed, sad, sad children that believe people (especially women) who contract STI’s do so because they are dirty and deserve to get them. to them i say, open your mind, a book, and your legs. enjoy sex. get with it.

    more questions? love letters? hatemail? email me on gee mail or myspace.

  42. Thanks holly chernobyl. That was perfectly said. If we’d talk openly and honestly about our bodies, health, and sex (including how beautiful it can be), we’d all be a lot better off.

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