Thirteen years ago, I left a grocery store with an angel-food cake I failed to pay for. I felt guilty about taking it (and for only being able to eat half of it), so I returned to the store a few days later, bought an angel-food cake, and returned it to the shelves.
Brend an Kiley has worked as a child actor in New Orleans, as a member of the junior press corps at the 1988 Republican National Convention, and, for one happy April, as a bootlegger’s assistant in Nicaragua.... More by Brendan Kiley
Pussy.
But I’ll never tell what happened with the devil’s-food cake…
OK, this one is just plain weird. You’re a freak, Mr. Kiley.
Would a devil’s food cake have the same guilt-inducing effect, I wonder? Sooooo sacrilicious!
Did you know you can now buy a rubber duck that is both an angel and a devil?
Not sure if it likes cake, though.
It’s in the latest Archie McPhee catalog – man, a lot of ducks in that one.
Wow, it must be come clean day on SLOG.
Ok, here goes-
One time, I used marajuana.
Whew! That feels better!
and this one time, at band camp….
You are an idiot. Is it make fun of the readers day??? Oh Stranger writers banding together to protect one another how sweet and sad.
@8: Did you notice how many commenters are joining in, too? Did you stop to think that it is in reaction to you and the other MORally Outraged NutjobS going on about this for days now, hijacking posts that had nothing to do with the “issue” as you saw it? Didja?
@8 is it fun? ABSOLUTELY.
@8: cry moar.
hmmf…all these confessions are lame and wussy…CAKE!?!? POSTCARDS!?!?! MAGAZINES?!?!?
Where are the TRUE confessions, the juicy stuff like cars, jewels, and drugs?
At least it wasn’t a $9 bottle of wine that you stole.
Strangeways, do you mean like “I stole a jewel once, from her daddy, the day I married my sweetheart!” Like that?
@8 – No, just make fun of you day. It’s so fun and you’re so willing.
@16 – Awesome reference. 😀
These are awesome — great way to respond to the stupidity from yesterday about ECB, Stranger staff! I laughed out loud when I realized what you were all doing — brilliant.
I once tried to smuggle Viagra into the U.S. after a long weekend of banging hookers in the Dominican Republic.
This was several years after I got caught with more than 30,000 tabs of OxyContin, which I forced my housekeeper in Florida to illegally purchase using faked prescriptions.
But, at least I’m no Erica C. Barnett – she should be thrown in the hoosegow and have the key thrown away for what she’s done.
Because an adult, she’s responsible for her actions, and should pay the price for her crimes against humanity.
@6 – only once?
oh and @8 – go jump off the Aurora Bridge.
Seriously.
I’ll walk around your body on my way home and promise I won’t step on it.
Decades ago, I unwrapped a package of liver and violated it behind a billboard on my way home.
Ok. I’ll play.
I stole a little sign off of a big, beautiful tree in a national park. It was marking a trail. You would only SEE the tree if you were ON the trail. It was stupid. It made me angry. Now it makes me happy in my living room.