For eight years, behind the doors of an ordinary-looking house on
Eastlake Avenue East, an all-female staff provided “spiritual
uplift”—a practice some of the women also called “a rub and a
tug”—to dozens of men every day. Last week, however, Seattle
police brought those services to a halt, raiding the alleged brothel
(which operates under the name Sacred Temple) and detaining 18 women
and two men.
State law is clear: “A person is guilty of promoting prostitution in
the second degree if he knowingly… profits from prostitution.” But
what if “he” is not a he—the exploitative pimp caricature from
cop shows—but a she? And what if she is not a plotting profiteer,
but a cherubic, 43-year-old redhead who speaks in a peppy Scottish
accent and insists that the occasional “release” is simply part of her
method of spiritual healing? Seattle police and state law don’t
distinguish, of course, as it became clear to Rainbow Love—her
legal name—in the late morning of Thursday, May 21, when police
raided her businesses and arrested her at her home. Love agreed to give
The Stranger an exclusive interview about her enterprise and
arrest.
Love was inside her Marysville home with her three sons that
Thursday morning when Seattle Police Department officers, serving a
warrant related to the investigation, rushed her house with guns drawn.
“One of them grabbed my neck and put a gun in my face,” Love
alleges.
Simultaneously, back in Seattle, the doors of a black
van—which had been parked across the street from the Sacred
Temple “healing center” for three days—opened, and police
officers, dressed in black body armor, began pouring out. All of them
carried guns and several of them wielded a black metal battering ram,
multiple witnesses say.
As the men in black charged across the street toward the Sacred
Temple—a large white house with a rainbow-painted fence, between
a palm reader and a massage clinic—squad cars screeched to a
halt, encircling the block.
Police flooded the Sacred Temple’s hallways, ordering men and
women—including one woman in the third trimester of her
pregnancy, according to several Sacred Temple staff members who were
present—to lie facedown and binding their wrists behind their
backs.
“This is a nice little whorehouse they have going on here,” one of
the officers said, according to a Sacred Temple employee. Outside,
witnesses say, police chased a fleeing woman, pulled her down from a
fence, and slammed her to the ground.
Meanwhile, officers also stormed two other businesses operated by
Love, the Moon Temples in Greenwood and Kirkland. An SPD spokesman said
the department could not comment on the tactics SPD used during the
raids.
Within hours, reporters from KOMO 4 News showed up at the Sacred
Temple—and at Love’s front door, where they questioned one of her
teenage children. The news segment said neighbors had complained about
the business, and the eleven o’clock news ran photos of the women
allegedly involved in its operation.
An SPD spokesman said its investigation was based on neighborhood
complaints, but two neighbors contacted by The Stranger following the raid said the Sacred Temple had never caused problems for
them. Two days after the raid, the Sacred Temple’s closest neighbor
told The Stranger, “Nobody that I talked to was upset about it
being illegal, per se, and I know a lot of people here.” Carol, 60, who
wanted to go by her first name only, said she has lived behind the
Sacred Temple building for 20 years and she knew what was happening
inside. She was livid—not about alleged prostitution, but that
armed officers swarmed around her house. “It was really scary. These
buildings are all occupied,” she said, pointing to her home 10 feet
from the Sacred Temple and apartments and condos across the alley.
“Somebody could have walked out of their door, and a cop could have
freaked out and shot them dead.”
“If they thought people in the establishment were armed, I would
understand,” said Carol. According to an SPD spokesman, no weapons were
found during the raid.
The massive show of force—approximately
100 officers
involved in raids and arrests around the Seattle area—was the
culmination of a nearly yearlong investigation by Seattle police.
According to police records, on June 6, 2008, a former receptionist at
the Sacred Temple contacted SPD’s vice division about the business.
Records say the woman told detectives that during a busy day at the
Sacred Temple, her manager told her “she needed to help out by giving
the clients handjobs.” Instead, the woman apparently quit her job and
contacted police. Love denies the woman’s story.
Shortly after the former receptionist contacted SPD, an undercover
female detective interviewed for a job at the Sacred Temple, where,
according to police records, Love told her that clients, called
“seekers,” paid $150 for a session and expected a handjob. Detectives
conducted surveillance of the business for the next 10 months, until
police swarmed the Sacred Temple on May 21—along with the Moon
Temples in Greenwood and Kirkland.
“Oh, look at this mess,” Love said on May 23, walking into the
Sacred Temple to survey the aftermath of the raid. The contents of
suitcases and purses were dumped in the hallway, cups from the kitchen
counter lay on the linoleum floor, and CDs were strewn across the
laundry room. Each small room in the compound contained a pump bottle
of hand sanitizer and a rack of small blue towels. In the middle of each
room: a massage table, which Love called an “alter”—”because when
you get up there, it alters your consciousness.”
Three of the Sacred Temple’s 60 or so employees agreed to speak to
The Stranger about their experiences in the hope of revealing
the heavy-handed nature of SPD’s raid and countering what they see as
misperceptions about their line of work.
Karen, Amanda, and Melissa—not their real names—have all
worked at the Sacred Temple for the last six months. The three women
refer to themselves as “priestesses,” not prostitutes, and range in age
from their early 20s to their 40s. As they chuckled about their
interactions with officers at the scene, a siren went off somewhere
down the block and all three froze up and nervously looked out the
window. They were definitely still shell-shocked from the raid.
The women involved each face misdemeanor charges of prostitution,
which carries a maximum penalty of 90 days in jail and a $1,000 fine.
Prosecutors may charge Love with promoting prostitution in the second
degree, a crime that carries a maximum penalty of five years in prison
and a $10,000 fine.
Although several of the brothels and massage parlors recently shut
down by Seattle police have reportedly been tied to human trafficking
rings, Karen, Amanda, and Melissa said they weren’t forced or coerced
into their line of work. The women do not appear to be addicted to
drugs, they’re all New Agey hippies—one of them referred to the
Temple as a co-op—and, while Amanda admitted she was once the
victim of sexual abuse, she said it did not play a part in her decision
to work at the Sacred Temple. All the women seem to have been happy at
the Sacred Temple, apparently preferring to provide companionship and
handjobs to their previous work in retail and office jobs.
“This is not at all the stereotype I expected. It’s so much happier
and kinder and friendlier,” Melissa said. “I expected a really catty,
competitive, angry place. I tried working at a strip club once, and it
was really unhappy.” Amanda added, “We’re just normal people out here,
just trying to get by like the rest of you.” At the Sacred Temple, the
women said they were not forced to do anything against their will and
there were only loose guidelines set for sessions with clients. The
“priestesses” said that they were not required to undress and were not
forced to perform sexual acts.
Robyn Friedman, a criminal-defense attorney who sometimes works with
women facing sex-crime charges, told The Stranger that fighting
a case in court can cost as much as $5,000 and could still result in a
criminal record, which in turn “could make it very difficult for them
to get jobs in the future.”
Friedman added that devoting police attention to prostitution drains
resources that could be focused on serious crimes: “To do this roundup
that took so much time, considering the level of the crime, and to use
that many resources to do it, is just ridiculous.” Love claims that
police could have called her and arranged to have an officer come to
her door to serve the arrest warrant, rather than conduct an armed
raid.
The Seattle Police Department could not immediately provide a figure
for how much the raid cost, but according to the department’s pay
scale, a four-hour raid conducted by 100 officers with three to four
years of experience would have cost the department about $15,000 in man
hours. And that’s not including any overtime pay, hours for
surveillance, undercover work, paperwork, or paid hours for trial
testimony related to the yearlong investigation, which undoubtedly cost
much more. In addition, pressing charges and court proceedings require
paying prosecutors and judges.
Todd, 37, told The Stranger he’s been going to the Temple and
similar businesses on a weekly basis since 2003. “I first went for the
usual reasons one might visit a prostitute—I was horny, had no
partner and no success finding one the ‘usual’ ways,” he said in an
e-mail. “I myself am rather unattractive physically, socially awkward,
and have dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life. I don’t make
friends easily, and I haven’t had a lover in 20 years.
“I’ll freely admit I wish I had more friends and a lover or lovers,
and if I did, I probably wouldn’t visit the Temple as often or at all,”
he said. “For some of us, for whatever reasons, those don’t appear to
be options, though.”
Love, who is awaiting charges, hadn’t yet retained legal counsel
when she spoke to The Stranger in the ransacked house. Love said
she believes she’ll be vindicated in the eyes of the law. “I have
nothing to hide.” 
This story has been updated since its original publication.
Fucking Whores
Two thumbs down to Rainbow Love. This is prostitution. If you cannot stand up for what you are doing then maybe you might want to look for a new profession. Hiding behind this “spiritual release” crap makes it look like you have something to hide. Like you are ashamed of what you are doing.
I feel that decriminalizing prostitution is in the best interests of everybody, especially the prostitutes and essential to allowing adults the right to their own bodies.
I also believe true massage therapists have a right to not be sexually harassed by people who are confused about the profession thanks to people like this who misuse the title.
I’ve been there a few times. I’m not married, I have no children and I don’t have anybody in my life. In my case it really was two consenting adults choosing to spend time together.
Rainbow is a very kind woman who treated me with kindness and made me feel welcome. That’s more than I can say for other women who make men feel like they owe them something or that a guy has to jump through flaming hoops or stand in constant judgment. I don’t wear the right brand of shoes or maybe my job isn’t hip enough or maybe my car isn’t cool this week. Maybe I don’t have a car! Whatever secret rules are used to determine if I’m a valid human being. I just don’t measure up and never will.
It was nice to be able to go to a nice, comfortable place and be treated like somebody who mattered by a sweet and pleasant lady, if only for an hour. That was all I had to hope for most times. People need to be touched, they need a little kindness. I’d rather go there than some rundown Aurora motel with some herpes factory.
Human kindness shouldn’t have a price tag on it anyway but it does. If you think it doesn’t you’re a fool. Go to “The Parlor” over in Bellevue some weekend and think some woman will give you the time of day if your projected net worth isn’t up to par.
Whether you pay up front or you go by the installment plan (i.e. dating & marriage) you still pay. This is at least a far more honest exchange.
Hey they’re open for business at the Eastlake location. Make sure and smile for the cameras.
Today 14:12:16
Gymbow
ST back open.
Yup, called today and three ladies working. Ad is on backpages.
Same location on Eastlake.
Too cool…
GYMBOW
@26:
I’m with rotten666. Well said.
What a waste of resources! That sounds like the 300-against-2-guns-cocked-‘n-loaded scenario out of Thelma & Louise!
C’MON!
Did the SPD celebrate afterwards at Krispy Kreme?
It’s obvious Washington lawmakers and Seattle cops hate women.
Half the laws regarding the sex industry should not be laws at all. It is a complete waste of time to try and uphold these minute details. The laws regarding the sex industry in Seattle are outdated.
If you are appalled by how much money they have spent on this raid, there are other places that have been under investigation for years. YEARS.
The cops that conduct these investigations make almost six figures (public record) to spend tax payer money on ‘services rendered’.
Seattle Lite Quote:
“It’s obvious Washington lawmakers and Seattle cops hate women. “
Interesting theory considering Washington State has a female Governor and two female United States Senators.
The police don’t make decisions to execute a raid like this. It came from the King County Prosecutors office. The warrant to go ahead with the raid was signed by a Judge.
The prostitution laws came into existence in the early 1900’s (1910) almost at exactly the same time women won the right to vote. By an overwhelming majority it’s women that want prostitution to remain illegal.
There is no political will to legalize prostitution in the state of Washington. If you want you can always start a petition to get it on the ballot. Keep in mind everyone in the state would be voting on it since it’s a state law that makes prostitution illegal.
Either way you must have skipped civics class since you appear to have no idea how laws are made or enforced.
@ Warehouse Loader
Your attitude and disrespect are more likely the reason you have to pay for it.
Buzzkill wrote; “There is no political will to legalize prostitution in the state of Washington.”
this is wrong, you can read it in comments here, there is plenty of will.
if anybody, any group wants to start an initiative, I will sign it. keeping prostitution laws on the books creates a black market, and the black market for prostitution is where human trafficking takes place. it works in Nevada, it works in Amsterdam, and it could work here.
Buzzkill wrote; “There is no political will to legalize prostitution in the state of Washington.”
this is wrong, you can read it in comments here, there is plenty of will.
if anybody, any group wants to start an initiative, I will sign it. keeping prostitution laws on the books creates a black market, and the black market for prostitution is where human trafficking takes place. legal prostitution works in Nevada, in Amsterdam, and in plenty of other civilized places. it could work here too.
Vernon Quote:
“this is wrong, you can read it in comments here, there is plenty of will.”
I didn’t say there were no people for legalizing prostitution. “Political will” means there are no lawmakers who are going to introduce a bill that legalizes prostitution. As far as judging by the posts here there are 60 posts and several of them are from the same people. I wouldn’t call that anywhere near the numbers you would need to get it on a ballot much less actually vote for it.
There are a little over 3.5 million registered voters in Washington State. The numbers aka political will to legalize just aren’t there.
Vernon Quote:
“if anybody, any group wants to start an initiative”
That’s another problem. It always has to be someone else who starts the ball rolling. The people claiming that it would garner enough signatures never do anything about it. Anyone can start the ball rolling but nobody ever does.
There has never been a petition to legalize prostitution circulating. They’ve polled the question and it would be overwhelmingly defeated.
That article was the greatest spin of all time. Way to make it the polices fault and the poor victims in the brothel. Its called the law. If you want it changed, please get off your lazy butts and go change the law. Don’t sit around and spin this crap like this. Rainbow fence here and poor little girl over there. Unbelieveable. If you are doing these acts you know you are breaking the law.
The writer of this article should probably be fined and jailed too… haha
Comment from a UK reader – all the way from Abercarn, Wales:
Yes, any excuse to send in the swat team. This sort of abuse has really escalated under the neo-cons. Let’s hope Obama’s administration hearkens to the ACLU, who are lobbying for the restoration of pre-911 civil liberties and an end to these excessive and dangerous ‘police (behaving more like soldiers) responses’.
It’s totally irrational. A real no-brainer. And innocent people (and some police) are getting killed. In fact, there’s a disturbing trend amongst bored teenagers now, called ‘phone phreaking’ or ‘swatting’, where they call the police with a fake report of a murder, hostage crises or meth lab or the like, and then the swat team storms some poor random family at 3am – and it’s all based on the word of a prank caller.
In any case, we should Not be trying to legislate private morality! Good god, have we not learned anything in the eons since we crawled out of the mud? Making alleged contact between-consenting-adults illegal just doesn’t work – Duh!
If any of you know these people, please relay my sympathies, and my hope for a good outcome to all of this – for them.
Why is everyone so shocked to see spirituality attached to sex? Have you really never heard of this before?
Lots of people practice ritual sex, and lots of people still consider prostitution a sacred art.
I do know some of these girls, and they are really good people. Such a waste that the police are ruining their lives with this bullshit instead of doing their actual jobs: serving and protecting.
A victimless crime is not a crime at all.
These women choose to do this for a living, just as the cops were only doing their jobs. Also, cops are not the ones making the law, but I enjoy how the Seattle PD is being blamed for doing their jobs.
It’s illegal. It’s that simple.
Civil rights should not be up for public vote. HUMAN rights should not be up for public vote.
My body belongs to me,and no one else.
I have sovereign right to decide what I put into my body, what I take out of my body, who I have sex with, who I live with, marry, love, and etc.
I do not recognize the authority of any person or group of people who says otherwise.
If I want to charge money for a handjob, THAT IS MY FUCKING BUSINESS.(literally)
If it becomes illegal to eat, I am going to break the law.
No form of consensual sex is a crime.
THE LAW IS WRONG.
Buzzkill’s wrong about B&O Tax in several ways. It is a tax on overall activity, and it is based on total income, but there are exemptions and the rates are extremely low (.0471% for retailing, 0.484% for manufacturing, wholesaling and most other business). The highest rates are for some “selected business services” — 1.5 %. I have no idea what the ‘temple’ business would be called (“Amusement and Recreation Services” sounds promising; it’s taxed as Retailing — as are dating and escort services).
Even if the operation took in $5 million a year, B&O Tax would be $2355 per year. Sales tax would be much higher, and depening onhow you pay to who, either the temple or the ‘priestess’ would have to collect the tax and forward it to the state …
Quote: nelly-o
“Buzzkill’s wrong about B&O Tax in several ways.”
Sorry but you’re wrong. The Temple’s business license is available online. They are listed as Service and Other Activities and were suppose to be paying 1.5% of gross income.
Using your number of $5 million B&O tax would be 1.5% of 5 million = $75,000.00
It appears they are open for business again according to their website. Maybe it was just a big misunderstanding.
Service and Other Activities B&O Tax Classification
Income from performing personal and professional services and activities not otherwise classified in Chapter 82.04 RCW is subject to B&O tax under the Service and Other Activities classification. Many of the services typically performed by beauty operators are taxable under the Service and Other Activities classification.
What activities are taxable under Service and Other Activities B&O tax?
Income derived from providing haircuts, coloring, permanents, manicures, massage therapy, booth/chair rental, etc., is taxable under the Service and Other Activities classification.
I am an ex-wife of a sacred temple regular. I can tell you in my ex-husband’s case it was not an act of healthy release. There are victims in these stories and I am surprised and yet not surprised at some of the naive and rationalizing perspectives expressed. It really is myopic sounding.
As far as being consenting adults,
the wives, husbands and monogamous partners of the clients secretively visiting the establishment were not consenting adults. And as far as safe sexual practices: Speaking from the direct confession of my ex-husband, the ‘tug’ is not the only thing one can get at the sacred temple by a long shot. He described several other sexual services he himself received, including being offered blow jobs. Last I checked, oral sex isn’t in the category of ‘safe’. My marriage to him ended because after a counselor told him he needed to disclose everything in order to hope to save his marriage, he could not face doing that. From that I can only conclude that there was something more he was involved in there that he just couldn’t bring himself to reveal.
Also, during that time (it was about 4 years ago), I visited two on-line chat sites where clients of the sacred temple discussed there experiences there and rated the practitioners. Most were men, and they sounded so sadly insecure with their bragging and flaunting. Who in the world needs to brag about a sex exploit they had to pay for? How painful. Anyway, it was easy to verify the names of the women they discussed as matching the names and photos of the practitioners on the temple’s site. On the chat sites, the clients talked about numerous things besides hand jobs. Interestingly, there is a whole coded vernacular used to refer to the different sexual services. I remember a few: The Russian, and the Surfboard or Surfing.
I also found one of the female practitioners listed on another prostitution site. Same picture and same name. Under her stats was listed her services offered and even whether or not she was ‘shaved’ – she was.
I reported the sacred temple as well as these chat sites to the Vice Squad, and I am not disappointed that the place finally got exposed. Of course I know it probably won’t do much.
I know it’s ‘the oldest profession in the book’, but the age of a thing doesn’t make it harmless. Most of the human maladies so familiar to us are quite ancient.
I am an ex-wife of a sacred temple regular. I can tell you in my ex-husband’s case it was not an act of healthy release. There are victims in these stories and I am surprised and yet not surprised at some of the naive and rationalizing perspectives expressed. It really is myopic sounding.
As far as being consenting adults,
the wives, husbands and monogamous partners of the clients secretively visiting the establishment were not consenting adults. And as far as safe sexual practices: Speaking from the direct confession of my ex-husband, the ‘tug’ is not the only thing one can get at the sacred temple by a long shot. He described several other sexual services he himself received, including being offered blow jobs. Last I checked, oral sex isn’t in the category of ‘safe’. My marriage to him ended because after a counselor told him he needed to disclose everything in order to hope to save his marriage, he could not face doing that. From that I can only conclude that there was something more he was involved in there that he just couldn’t bring himself to reveal.
Also, during that time (it was about 4 years ago), I visited two on-line chat sites where clients of the sacred temple discussed there experiences there and rated the practitioners. Most were men, and they sounded so sadly insecure with their bragging and flaunting. Who in the world needs to brag about a sex exploit they had to pay for? How painful. Anyway, it was easy to verify the names of the women they discussed as matching the names and photos of the practitioners on the temple’s site. On the chat sites, the clients talked about numerous things besides hand jobs. Interestingly, there is a whole coded vernacular used to refer to the different sexual services. I remember a few: The Russian, and the Surfboard or Surfing.
I also found one of the female practitioners listed on another prostitution site. Same picture and same name. Under her stats was listed her services offered and even whether or not she was ‘shaved’ – she was.
I reported the sacred temple as well as these chat sites to the Vice Squad, and I am not disappointed that the place finally got exposed. Of course I know it probably won’t do much.
I know it’s ‘the oldest profession in the book’, but the age of a thing doesn’t make it harmless. Most of the human maladies so familiar to us are quite ancient.
Samsam, sounds like you have a personal vendetta and not a rational perspective on what a waste of recources busting this place has been. So, your hubby cheated on you there, that is too bad, on a moral level I do not think someone should go to a place like this without permission from their partner. But this is a crime of consent, and there seems to have been no slavery or human exploitation involved here, except for exploitation that men are horndogs who are more likely to pay to get off than women. With the other unresolved problems that the police seem to be doing very little about, it seems waseful if nothing else, that they persued this while violent crimes are on the rise in Belltown and the U-District, while we face a budget crunch. What the police are not doing while they do this is a serious problem, they need to learn to prioritize like the rest of us.
Go ahead, do something about neighbors complaints, do something if there is reasonable suspicion of exploited minors, immigrants, and other unwilling people, but this was a waste of so many’s time and comes off as nothing more than a gratuitous display of force while more important problems are going unaddressed. Hell, even the shitty driving here should be a bigger priority.
But don’t involve the police over your personal vandettas.
Samsam:
Hard to feel sorry for you here. I was in a seven year realationship and found out that my guy was carrying on with a co-worker for two years when I broke into his email, whom he frequently travled with, and it helped her to climb the corporate ladder (I was always looking for evidence – and eventually found it). We all create our own reality, and are equally responsible for what happens in a relationship.
Much more intimacy was happening than an accosional hour of touch therapy. . .or body work. . and he was getting it for free. I don’t consider body work prositution, but at least these woman take precautions, and I would have much prefered that he had been visiting a prostitute vs. sleazy co-worker – at least the former would have taken precautions — unlike the unpaid coworker. “I love waking up to you and hearing your heart beating on my chest”. . .
Reading the words, made me go weak in the knees. I called him on his cell and told him to his S%$@ out of the house and don’t ever return. He didn’t
Once I got over the poor, poor pity me…how could he do this to me????. . I realized why it happened. Not only was he miserable, but I was miserable. I wasn’t truely in love with him, and can admit that I stayed with him for security and financial reasons.
I had gained twenty pounds, had lost my zezt for life and passion. . .I was just as much to blame as he was as I realize now.
And, once we broke it off – I truely began living again. I no longer wonder about my current guy. We have total trust in each other.
At times we spend weeks apart. .and I don’t wonder or bring negative feelings into the relationshop. If either of us are unhappy – it’s just as much my reponsibility as his to relay it. As well, I freuently get massage therapy – deep tissue, reflexology. .from male and female alike – and so does he. It’s nothing to do with something missing in our relationship – just good for our well being.
Hope you can get over this and go with flow of the universe – and meet someone who will be a positive influcence as your parter. The less restriction you put on someone the better – and you should read “down with love”. .made me laugh.. .and dares to ask the questions I have been asking for years.
.
I had a feeling my story would invite unoriginal tangential comments that turn something personal into a political rant. Parallel but not connected.
UK Reader, my story is not yours. I think you’re getting a little mixed up about that. I’m sorry for what happened to you. From what you said it sounds like you found the meaning, direction and recovery you needed.
Thank you for hoping for me. I am doing really well. My life got so much better after being released from an oppressive situation. It’s amazing the way that new life can be born out of pain and suffering, and I’m grateful to have been given that experience. So it’s ok that you don’t feel sorry for me. I wouldn’t ask for or need that. My post had nothing to do with that at all.
You are the second person to give me advice here. Don’t you think it’s at least a bit presumptive to give advice to someone about how to live their life when all you know is at best a tiny sliver of their whole story? I think you are filling in the blanks with your own story. So I think there is a very slim possibility that you would be able to know what my needs are. That could only happen if you knew me really really well – and even then, it would still be just a guess. It sounds like you followed your own advice and did well with it, and that’s great. It really is.
For what it’s worth, marriage up until modern day, was never meant to involve love. It was generally pre-arranged by unknown parters, strictly a contract for financial benefit between families. True love only existed outside of marriage, and there were actually rules/codes written as such back in 15th century Venice — to follow the aritcle by Laura Kipnis – Rules of courtly love & codes of chivilary. . . anyway someting to think about. And she does make many good points here. . .
Marriage belongs on the junk heap of human folly says Laura Kipnis. Finally a book lambasting marriage is out and written by a woman! Laura Kipnis has written a brilliant book, Hopefully men everywhere will read this.
The article from MSN’s Slate, in a piece titled “Beware the marriage trap” Meghan O’Rourke looks at the book, Against Love: A Polemic, by Laura Kipnis. The book’s message says, “matrimony is equal-opportunity oppressor.”
“Marriage, she suggests, belongs on the junk heap of human folly. It is an equal-opportunity oppressor, trapping men and women in a life of drudgery, emotional anesthesia, and a tug-of-war struggle to balance vastly different needs.
O’Rourke says THE NUMBERS seem to back up her thesis: Modern marriage doesn’t work for the majority of people. The rate of divorce has roughly doubled since the 1960s. Half of all marriages end in divorce. And as sketchy as poll data can be, a recent Rutgers University poll found that only 38 percent of married couples describe themselves as happy.”
Kipnis’ poses the essential question, why do Americans keep getting married? Why, in what seems like an age of great social freedom, would anyone willingly consent to a life of constricting monogamy?
O’Rourke states that Kipnis’ answer is that marriage is an insidious social construct, harnessed by capitalism to get us to have kids and work harder to support them.
O’Rourke believes Kipnis is dead-on about the everyday exhaustion a relationship can produce. And Kipnis has diagnosed something interesting about the public discourse of marriage. People are more than happy to talk about how unhappy their individual marriages are, but public discussion assumes that in each case there is something wrong with the marriage — not marriage itself.
Kipnis argues, our social decisions need to start reflecting the reality of declining marriage rates — not the fairy-tale “happily ever after all” version.
Even in a post-feminist age of loose social mores we are still encouraged, from the time we are children, to think of marriage as the proper goal of a well-lived life.
Kipnis’ suggests Marriage could be a form of renewable contract.
While Kipnis usefully challenges our assumptions about commitment, it’s not evident that we’d be better off in the lust-happy world she envisions, or that men and women really want the exact same sexual freedoms. O’Rourke drawing inspiration from Kipnis adds in its ideal form, marriage seems to reify all that’s best about human exchange. Most people don’t want to be alone at home with a cat, and everyone but Kipnis worries about the effects of divorce on children. “Work,” in her lexicon, is always the drudgery of self-denial, not the challenge of extending yourself beyond what you knew you could do. But we usually mean two things when we say “work”: The slog we endure purely to put food on the table, and the kind we do because we like it — are drawn to it, even.
O’Rourke surmises that while it’s certainly true that people stay in an unhappy relationship longer than they should, it’s not yet clear that monogamy is more “unnatural” than sleeping around but finding that the hum of your refrigerator is your most constant companion. And Kipnis spends scant time thinking about the fact that marriage is a hardy social institution several thousand years old, spanning many cultures — which calls into question, to say the least, whether its presence in our lives today has mostly to do with the insidious chokehold capitalism has on us.
O’Rourke is amused by Kipnis’ exaggerated polemic romp, O’Rourke says it is wittily invigorating, it may not actually be as radical as it promises to be: These days, even sitcoms reflect Kipnis’ way of thinking. There’s an old episode of Seinfeld in which Jerry and Kramer anticipate most of Kipnis’ critique of domesticity; Kramer asks Jerry if he and his girlfriend are thinking about marriage and family, and then cuts him off: “They’re prisons! Man-made prisons! You’re doin’ time! You get up in the morning — she’s there. You go to sleep at night — she’s there. It’s like you gotta ask permission to, to use the bathroom: Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?” Still, love might indeed get a better name if we were as attentive to the intellectual dishonesties of the public debate over its failings as we are to the emotional dishonesties of adulterers
Themes & Motifs: Amore: The Art of Courtly Love
Andreas Capellanus wrote the three books of his treatise The Art of Courtly Love at the request of Countess Marie of Troyes, daughter of Eleanor of Aquitaine. It supposedly portrays life at the Queen’s court from 1170 to 1174. In the book Capellanus discusses the concept of courtly love and prepares to explain its “rules” very clearly so as to provide a manual or handbook on Love:
Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
He who is jealous cannot love.
No one can be bound by a double love.
It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.
Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
When made public love rarely endures.
The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
A new love puts an old one to flight.
Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
A man in love is always apprehensive.
Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.
He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
Love can deny nothing to love.
A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
Samsam:
True. I don’t know your story. But I have witenssed both of my siters go through divorce & struggle -one now on her second marriage and the other on her third. I have also witnessed the negative effects it has had on their children (and vowed that I would never go there unless I didn’t have to think twice) – and the positive outcomes. The negative aside from missing their fathers, was financial struggle that they went through – many times I was the fairy godmother,as well as my father, paying for the transmition that went out, back rent, buying the kids school clothes….
But the positive is. . .that they all blossemed and became very independent & stonger because of it. My sisters final marraiges were becasue they were independent – self supporting, didn’t need financial support, and were truely in love with supportive men.
Even in 15th century Venice, Veronica Franco the famous courtesan & poet, unlike most woman who were forbiden – she was allowed access to libraries and learned to read and write said, “a women’s greatest asset is her education and independance”
Yes you are right. I don’t know your story, but have sisters who have been in a similiar situations, with children suffering financial & emotional hardships from the divorces due to their fairy tale dillusions – on their second & third husbands & finally found true love – realizeing that a woman’s greatest, and most hard-won asset… is an education & decision making skills “as quoted by Veronica Franco (1546-1591) a poet and courtesan in sixteenth-century Venice.
In Renaissance Venetian society, there existed a hierarchy even amongst courtesans: the cortigiana onesta, the intellectual courtesan, and the cortigiana di lume, lower-class courtesans (modern day prostitutes) who tended to live and practice their trade near the Rialto Bridge.
Veronica Franco was one of the most celebrated and revered courtesans of her time. She spent her time, much like her Asian counterpart, the geisha, learning the art of seduction, while also receiving a first-class and multi-disciplinary education. This education was rare for a woman of this time, and usually restricted to women of the upper ranks of society. So becoming a courtesan would not only grant a woman sexual/gender freedom, but it would also permit her to gain the same insight into art, literature and culture as a male counterpart.
A woman’s greatest, and most hard-won asset… is an education
>>She spent her time, much like her Asian counterpart, the geisha, learning the art of seduction<<
Sigh…just to chiming in to bust this long-standing myth. Geisha are not, and never were, prostitutes, and were/are not “learning the art of seduction.”
Japan had many types of legal prostitutes, all of them officially categorized and licensed. Geisha were licensed as entertainers only, and were forbidden to sell sex. What most people think of as a geisha is actually an oiran, a special type of high-class prostitute.
Not to say that no geisha ever broke the law and sold some sex to a persistent and rich man, but it certainly was never part of the gig, even less so in the modern era.
>>She spent her time, much like her Asian counterpart, the geisha, learning the art of seduction<<
Sigh…just to chiming in to bust this long-standing myth. Geisha are not, and never were, prostitutes, and were/are not “learning the art of seduction.”
Japan had many types of legal prostitutes, all of them officially categorized and licensed. Geisha were licensed as entertainers only, and were forbidden to sell sex. What most people think of as a geisha is actually an oiran, a special type of high-class prostitute.
Not to say that no geisha ever broke the law and sold some sex to a persistent and rich man, but it certainly was never part of the gig, even less so in the modern era.
1) Prostitution isn’t going anywhere.
2) It could be an incredible source of revenue (through regulation and taxation) for the government if they were to widely legalize it, like many other countries have.
The sanctity of a marriage ruined by a wandering partner is not violated by the prostitute, or mistress, as it may be. If said wandering partner wants to indulge in a marriage-compromising activity, that is their conscious choice and cannot be blamed on the other party, whether this is the heat of the moment or an on-going affair. Unless our prostitute/mistress drugged said wandering partner and raped them, that would be like saying that criminals aren’t responsible and that the crimes themselves are (they tempted).
While the astronomical divorce rates in this country sadden me, I can’t say that I feel sorry for anyone that situation. There are an obscene amount of circumstances that impact a marriage, and adultery shouldn’t necessarily be singled out in every case it’s involved with.
Yes, this “house of love” was technically illegal as it is written in our books. They screwed up, and now there are consequences. But I believe that the idea of prostitution as illegal and bad perpetuates a terrible image about it that was drummed up by those who judge the act according to their own morals and values.
There are other people out there that don’t believe the same thing as the overwhelming population of Christians and the likes in the US, and don’t deserve to be judged according to the norm’s standards.
Just because one lives in a country that allows a specific activity, that doesn’t mean that they automatically endorse it or even have to have any contact with the activity.
If it creates another money source, and is generally about on the same level of ridicule as the adult entertainment industry (which is pretty solid in its standing), why not legalize prostitution?
Please don’t liken my argument to that of a Communist, or a mass murderer. It was not intended for such a situation.
Samsam:
Wasn’t attemping to side against you with the other commenter – just my point being – most of us, if not all of us, have been in a similiar situation at one time or another. I’ve had many men fool around on me, but I didn’t have any standing to call the vice cops (although, I sure wish I could have at the time!).
Another point, why is it that we never hear about female undercovers following through with an act to catch a “John”, offer and acceptance seems to be enough – slam dunk! But seems as if the male undercovers do at times follow through on tax payers dollors from what I have read, conducting investigations for months? Just doing their jobs? As well, you never hear about undercover males investigating gay massage pallors.
Lastly, perhaps you should have said to your former husband – “it’s OK Honey, it you want to visit these estaablishments, as long as you are conformatable with me working in one”.
I used to be suspicious of my guy’s body work, that I never relayed to him, until he booked me a surprise appoitnment. Totally legit.
Peace be with u
Nothing special, yes you are correct. True Geisha’s were entertainers only – and would not partake in the flesh. That was their appeal.
Can we have a city vote to make hand jobs a low priority for our law enforcement? Don’t they know they have better things to do?
Especially since:
King County’s $70M budget crisis: Cuts in courts, law enforcement warned
Responding to a nearly $70 million estimated budget shortfall in King County, local criminal-justice leaders said Thursday they plan to…
By Natalie Singer and Keith Ervin
Seattle Times staff reporters
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GREG GILBERT / THE SEATTLE TIMES
King County Executive Ron Sims discusses the projected budget deficit at a news conference on Thursday.
THOMAS JAMES HURST / THE SEATTLE TIMES
King County Sheriff Sue Rahr, left, and King County Prosecutor Dan Satterberg listen as Superior Court Presiding Judge Bruce Hilyer addresses the media during a news conference on Thursday about the projected budget deficit.
Responding to a nearly $70 million estimated budget shortfall in King County, local criminal-justice leaders said Thursday they plan to move thousands of property-crime, forgery and drug cases to lower-level courts and cut investigations of fraud, Internet crimes and cold cases.
Belt-tightening might also eliminate Drug Court, family-court services and mental-health court services, officials said at a news conference at the King County Courthouse.
In one of the moves that could most trouble taxpayers, King County Superior Court is prepared to push all property crimes under $10,000 to municipal and district courts, said King County Prosecutor Dan Satterberg. Currently, all cases over $500 are classified as felonies and tried in Superior Court.
Under the new proposal, the prosecutor’s office would direct law-enforcement agencies to automatically file any nonvehicle thefts under $10,000 in local-jurisdiction courts as third-degree thefts, which are gross misdemeanors punishable by up to one year in jail. Under state law, any theft over $250 can be filed as second-degree and any theft over $1,500 as first-degree, both felonies.
“After these cuts we won’t be responding to the smaller crimes … [and it] will not discourage criminals; it will only encourage them,” Satterberg said.
King County Sheriff offers alternative budget in bid to save deputies
By KRIS HILL
Maple Valley Reporter Staff writer/news
Jul 09 2008
King County Sheriff Sue Rahr has developed a proposed 2009 budget that she said offers creative ways to trim spending while minimizing cuts of deputies to about of what she originally feared.
She said the proposal she sent Tuesday to County Executive Ron Sims includes the $7.5 million in cuts “I was directed to make” by Sims.
samsam – the story you tell is sad, but not relevant. the victim is the spouse? of what crime? cheating? is all creating illegal? are only spouses of johns considered victims?
if this behavior were legal, you would still be the exact same amount of victim, so it does seem your motivation for calling the police was because you were wronged, not because there was illegal activity.
furthermore, if only spouses of johns are victims, who of those who were not married? or those providers who only saw people who were not married? should that be illegal as well?
If consentual sex is legal, then prostitution should be considered even more legal than most of the hook-ups I have had after being given quantities of alcoholic beverages from supposed “dates”. Point being, the exchange of money for sexual acts seems more of a binding contract for consent than anything else. Both parties are in agreement on the same issue… which is more than I can say about the end of most of my dates after a night of drinking. Contradiction here is pointless, as I know and am friends with women who work in various aspects of the sex industry (from the exact parlor listed in the above article, to strippers, to women who sell vibrators, to independent contractors and sugar babies) and they are all content with the work that they do and probably would be more so if they didn’t feel that sex was so taboo.
Prostitution, along with a slew of other highly charged emotional legalization topics, is primarily illegal due to morality mindsets backed foremost by religious thinking- not logic. It has nothing to do with safety, as legalization generally encompasses the protection of all citizens, not those who “qualify” for cashing in on their trust and protection from law enforcers and makers- as in, a sex worker should deserve the same basic human rights as any other employee who is on the receiving end of harassment and assault, be it verbal, physical, or mental. Furthermore, workers of non-legalized trade industries learn to fear and not trust law enforcement agents and are more likely to continue ongoing abusive and potentially fatal relationships- work related or otherwise. Give me a sound argument that does not deal with morality or religion about why prostitution should be illegal and maybe I’ll give a shit about your view point in return. And don’t give me that “hard to tax” bull shit. You can tax anything.
If consentual sex is legal, then prostitution should be considered even more legal than most of the hook-ups I have had after being given quantities of alcoholic beverages from supposed “dates”. Point being, the exchange of money for sexual acts seems more of a binding contract for consent than anything else. Both parties are in agreement on the same issue… which is more than I can say about the end of most of my dates after a night of drinking. Contradiction here is pointless, as I know and am friends with women who work in various aspects of the sex industry (from the exact parlor listed in the above article, to strippers, to women who sell vibrators, to independent contractors and sugar babies) and they are all content with the work that they do and probably would be more so if they didn’t feel that sex was so taboo.
Prostitution, along with a slew of other highly charged emotional legalization topics, is primarily illegal due to morality mindsets backed foremost by religious thinking- not logic. It has nothing to do with safety, as legalization generally encompasses the protection of all citizens, not those who “qualify” for cashing in on their trust and protection from law enforcers and makers- as in, a sex worker should deserve the same basic human rights as any other employee who is on the receiving end of harassment and assault, be it verbal, physical, or mental. Furthermore, workers of non-legalized trade industries learn to fear and not trust law enforcement agents and are more likely to continue ongoing abusive and potentially fatal relationships- work related or otherwise. Give me a sound argument that does not deal with morality or religion about why prostitution should be illegal and maybe I’ll give a shit about your view point in return. And don’t give me that “hard to tax” bull shit. You can tax anything.
Think about the neighbors and the children growing in the neighborhood. Kudos to police to clean the neighborhood. Its public taxes well spent. Every criminal has the excuse that the state should focus on bigger crimes and look in the other direction in my case.
It is not as though nude men and women were running around in the streets. No. That happened in Freemont where I was astounded to see so many children there. And THAT was ok and it was out in the open. And paying for a police officer to get a hand job is not taxes well spent.
I patronized this business occasionally, in its various forms, for several years, for many of the same reasons “Todd” did in the article. For personal reasons, I prefer a “rub and tug” versus full service. The problem with this business was its scope and size. It got HUGE, and it was all cash, and they weren’t humble about it at all. All that cash ostensibly was not taxed. Not taxed means the business doesn’t contribute anything fiscally to the community, other than paying their utility bills (washing and drying all those towels). And, as we all know, one gots to pay the taxman. I always felt, esp. after they moved to Eastlake, that I was patronizing a BIG CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE. It became so big and so high profile, I thought they were begging to get raided. I thought they were lasting so long that way cuz they were greasing some palms. Bottomline: no matter how you couch it- what with seekers, priestesses, altars, sacred vessels, donations or tributes, incense, and candles (fire hazard – btw, for you trivia nuts, how many “sacred temples” have burned up?)- it’s still prostitution and all that cash needs to be laundered. Live by the sword and die by the sword. Live as an outlaw, etc. Oh, and about the cops overreacting or whatever, it seems to me that that is what Seattle cops do.
If you feel, as many of you do, that prosecuting Rainbow Love is a waste of King County’s valuable resources, please write to Dan Satterberg and tell him how you feel. You can email him here:
Prosecuting.Attorney@kingcounty.gov
Ms. Love DECLARED HER INCOME and PAID HER TAXES. She has been an advocate and helper of women in need, a patron of the arts and a good neighbor. Please tell Dan Satterberg to DROP THE CHARGES against Rainbow Love (aka Vivian Ellis) and spend his time and resources on real criminals.
most of you guys are rediculous. arguing about what you speculate happened there and how much money you speculate went through there. you werent there. you dont know how it was run. you didnt count the money every night and deposit it in the bank every night. you didnt answer the phones and book appointments. you didnt answer the door making sure it was safe for everyone in the building. you didnt do 50 loads of laundry every day. you didnt know all the girls by name and all their kids names and their hopes and sorrows. you werent there. and none of your ideas come anywhere close to what it was actually like