This race is just like the annual Georgetown Power Tool Drag Race,
except instead of modifying an old belt sander, drill, or nail gun,
contestants trick-out brightly colored dildos, vibrators, and
butt plugs with wheels and some sort of power source. Think Mad Max meets Babeland. Remember: Sex-toy racers
should not only look good, but go FAST. Slow and steady does not win
this race. The racetrack will magically appear somewhere inside the
Wildrose post-parade carnival. Don’t miss it! (Wildrose, 1021 E Pike
St, 324-9210. 3 pm, donations go to KEXP, 21+.)

Kelly O—formerly a Stranger staff photographer, music writer, Drunk of the Week columnist, and more!—finished art school and a soul-crushing internship at a corporate advertising agency in Detroit,...