I would like to personally thank you for the great sex tonight,
miss.
For those of you who were not there (which, as far as I know, is all
of you), I shall briefly tell my tale of tonight’s escapades.
I was out with my best friends, celebrating one of their birthdays,
when we decided to go for some late-night Ping-Pong at the local
billiards place. When all the boisterous fun was over, my mates went up
to the counter to pay while I put the tie and vest I had taken off in
the heat of the game back on in the booth.
A stunning young woman whom I had noticed playing pool earlier
walked up to the booth and pulled me by the tie into the bathroom,
where we proceeded to have the most anonymous, passionate sex I have
ever had. After it was over, you took my phone and programmed your
number, saying, “There’s more where that came from.”
Holy shit. You didn’t even list yourself under your real name; you
simply programmed your number under “fuck.”
Holy shit.
Thank you, miss.
Officially ambivalent on this one
#1 – would that be the sort of clap easily treatable by modern antibiotics?
“Dear Penthouse Forum:
I never believed that the letters you printed were true. That is, until I went with my mates one night to play ping pong…”
What, no reference to fucking her amputation stump?
boring braggart.
eh-hem.. wouldn’t the author be “fuck35441” or “fuck5671″… in this gal’s phone?.. or something slightly more indicative of her true relationship with said giant fibber? Please, at least make the effort with your BS stories.. this is so a note passed around by the first kid her figured out what his winky could do in fifth grade.
*cue 80’s synth ‘n’ guitar music*
In the heat of the game
You gave me the most anonymous sex
I ever, ever had
I’m so glad
That I got laids
Amongst the boisterous fun of our ping-pong escapades
*guitar solo*
T-T-T-Toilet sex . . . TONIGHT!!!
*echo echo echo . . . fade*
Jealous much? Anonymous sex does happen and there seems to be a lot of bitterness that it’s not happening to you. If the story is true (which i’m not claiming it is) that is one badass muthfuckin night and perfect for this column.
No stunning young woman wants to fuck anyone who would wear a vest, with or without the tie. Either she wasn’t stunning or you’re lying about the vest. Next time you tell the story, leave out the vest part. Poor girl probably didn’t even see the vest until it was too late.
P.S. to violet – it was supposedly HIS phone. Not hers. She’d be the only “fuck” for Sir Vest.
kmlalk,
I disagree about the vest. I think a vest can look nice on a man, assuming that his clothes fit him well.
However, no woman would program a guy’s phone with “fuck” in place of her name. I also don’t believe any woman in that situation would expect or even want the guy to call her afterwards.
i am fuck
Pure Bull-Shikies just like half the stuff shown in this column.
fantasy. lame fantasy at that
Hey, this stuff happens every so often. I mean, there’s usually a catch, but, hey, if you were the one in a million who had success dropped on your dick, Anonymous, then, well, good for you.
If you’re a liar… why did you bother?
The only thing that makes this story even remotely extraordinary is the fact that he’s straight. Any gay man who’s not a total leper has at least one bar sex story.
Ah stop being jealous cause y’all never fucked a hottie you just met in nasty bar bathroom.
Hope you wore a rubber.
Bravo.
Actually she probably said, just as she was walking out the door “OH and, just so you know…before the operation, I was your Uncle Dave”.
In all liklihood, the last thing she said, as she walked out the bathroom door, was probably “Oh, and by the way…before the operation, I was Reverend Bob, your former youth pastor”.
self-delete.dupe post
can’t call her back. never. ever.
By the way, is playing ping-pong something that people do in bars in Seattle? How wholesome. And boisterous!
Crazy shit does happen and thank god for it, but usually only when you’re in a band.
awesome.
congratulations.
@ #15 – Speak for yourself…and go get tested.
Who’d have guessed that Mike Duvall reads The Stranger??
fake.
Hahahahaaa @ #17
@9 blushing.. yes, I skimmed (woopsies). @21 yepper, I believe the stranger has figured out its readers are often more interesting than its writers 🙂
@#1 – Thanks, that made my day.
I see you met my ex. Fun, but remember : You can’t fuck out the crazy.
Does anyone know which bar has ping pong?
hmm… maybe the “fuck” was meant so he knew which expletive to use when he found out just how many std’s he contracted?
i nominate #31 for the win
I second #34’s nomination of #31.
hahaha#31…well done!
Jillian’s has ping pong. Makes sense this would happen there. She is probably a crack whore who hadn’t bathed in a week. “Stunning woman” = not fat (again, crack whore) and not deformed.
Roanoke tavern has ping pong
@9, either you are too young to remember Interpol, cause that was, like, you know – soooooooooooooooooooooooo long ago – or Carlos D and his vest-and-empty-gun-holster never got laid in the history of getting laid.
On the matter of Senator Lilzilla’s motion for Huckster being teh winz, aye’s four, nay’s none. *thud thud* Motion is ratified, Mr. Secretary please close the notes and we’ll ajourn for a short recess.
Watertown has ping pong.
We are all FUCK.
Well there WAS more where that came from before you announced it to greater seattle.
I would bet a million dollars this is a freakin pre-op tranny, and he maybe scored a blowjob. Thats my take, folks. Cap Hill tranny got some straight boy dick..good for her/him/it!
#33 for the win!
“hmm… maybe the “fuck” was meant so he knew which expletive to use when he found out just how many std’s he contracted?”
#33 for the win!
“hmm… maybe the “fuck” was meant so he knew which expletive to use when he found out just how many std’s he contracted?”
“boisterous” ping-pong, dandy vest? I kept waiting for the part about claiming his lightsaber at the hatcheck.
UHmm, the OP is a lesbian. This was lesbian axe-body-spray-commercial sex. Duh.
Faux-manly costume? check.
competitive but not too-testosteroni sport among ‘mates’? Check.
Zero references to gender of mates or self? Check.
Over-Polite referencing to female attacker aka FUCK as ‘miss’? Check.
Not mentioning WHICH bathroom you were dragged into but rather simply “SHE pulled me into THE bathroom” = Verified grrl-on-girl action. Without question, a boy would have bragged WHICH loo it was.
Don’t believe me? Run it through the gender genie:
“The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!”
Is no one going to mention the title? It’s so cute, funny, and clever – exactly what is lacking in all these detractive comments!
Give props where props’ due, whether it’s real or just unique fakery.
Straight, young, pretty female here – I’d probably do this. In fact, I’d probably love to do this.
Wouldn’t give him my number, though. No need to learn about his personality, it’d probably just be a buzzkill.
Also, vests are hot.