Apparently Microsoft still hasn’t fired the agency that created the AMAZING Songsmith promo video. (I just watched that thing again. Holy shit.)

This one is not quite that bad, but it still shows a level of tone-deafness that’s hard to believe.

Anyway, here’s how to host your very own Windows 7 launch party. Because a lot of people want to do that.

Since there’s almost no chance you’ll be able to sit through more a few seconds of this video, here’s some sample dialogue:
Woman 1: “Now, after MY overview, I went straight to an activity!”
Woman 1’s Mom: “Oh, you went straight to the activity? Oh, I let everyone fool around with Snap for a little while (Black friend laughs, “Me too! I did the same thing!”), and we started an activity maybe 30 minutes later.”
Woman 1: “Well, either way works, right?”

And then the young hip dude says he did THREE ACTIVITIES! The camerawork is so handheld-seeming! CASUAL!

Fucking hell. Why, Microsoft? WHY?!?!?

via Slog tipper John

Anthony Hecht is The Stranger's Chief Technology Officer. He owns no monkeys.

43 replies on “Windows 7 Launch Party At My House!”

  2. It’s what happens when you cultivate a corporate culture where nobody ever gets to say something is a bad idea. See also Internet Explorer, the Zune, Windows Vista — pretty much everything besides the XBox.

  4. Overviews? Activities?

    I just want an opperating system that runs my applications. Linux doesn’t run any of the software I use, and I can’t afford an Mac every 2 years. Why can’t they just make a stable, secure OS that doesn’t get in my way?

    Dear Microsoft,

    We use your products because you have an illegal monopoly, and you are too politically powerful to be policed by our corrupt government.

    thanks,
    Toasterhedgehog

    Fuck off

  7. I just went through an Office 2007 “webinar” orientation with my IT Helpdesk; we spent about ten minutes out of the 45 minute session bitching about all the new “features” we hated.

  13. This is clearly a super-sophisticated campaign to bait Apple with some low hanging fruit. Apple will point out how dorky they are, and then MS can counter by pointing out how elitist and overpriced Apple is.

  14. Buy a Mac every two years? Mine have been good for about five. If you actually need that performance bump every two years for your work, you make enough money to afford it. Or, you’re not billing enough.

    Otherwise, you’re just a wannabe elitist power-user.

  17. I’m having a party to celebrate my anniversary of completely wiping Windows from my home computer. I think I’ll take the $ that MS expects me to spend on windows 7 and donating it to Mercycorps instead 🙂 (and beer)

  22. If you’re really bored, watch the times on the stove clock.

    They obviously couldn’t afford a continuity supervisor. Or at the least they weren’t smart enough to just remove the clock altogether.

  23. @15: ah…. no. It’s getting away from the moronic use of dates for their software versions. It started feeling like new cars being released every year.

  24. You know…I’ve finally been able to put a finger on why Microsoft is a perfect fit for Seattle, and why it manifests Seattle in everything it does. Seattle (hence Microsoft) has absolutely no groove. It’s actually why Microsoft dominates in the corporate culture of America; because Corporate Culture has no groove. Microsoft and Seattle (and the decimated Eddie Bauer) are the petri-dish of casual friday white guys who can’t dance.

    This is terrible, in only the way Microsoft can be terrible (and that Songsmith video has to be one of the all-time worse videos ever made).

  25. MS would like to go back to the day when people actually cared about operating systems. Now it’s like … meh. Having a party for vista is like throwing a bash for a new transmission in your car.

  26. Meanwhile, the big Microsoft talk today was about whether or not they were planning to buy EA or not. Stock in both companies shot up on the rumors…

  28. Crazycatguy is correct. OSes are boring. Which one you like best is boring. In the future, most people won’t be able to tell you what OS they have.

    I love all the talk about “activities”. It’s so generic. It’s like something out of a “Curtis” comic, like when he says “say, they’ve set up a children’s diversity crafts and games stand”. I know that when I use a computer I say “lemme just check my email” or “I’m gonna work on my photos” or “I wonder if there’s a new Failblog up” or “what’s the GDP of Botswana, again?” or “time to cut Will up on Slog”, but never “activities”.

  29. @2 … you’ve never actually worked for MS have you. EVERYTHING at MS is a bad idea. The political infighting and backstabbing makes sure that nothing actually innovative or risky ever sees the light of day.

  30. If this is ironic, it’s only ironic because it’s doing such an awful job of being ironically awful. In fact, pretty soon Microsoft is going to fall into an irony death spiral- and when that happens, no amount of skeevy mustaches and skinny jeans will be able to save them.

  31. The actors don’t seem like they know what the words they’re saying mean — she says “there’s a HANDY page of notes”, which is weird and wrong emphasis, like she’s referring to some exciting new “HandyPage” app. Oh, god, she probably is.

    This is the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

  34. White guy is slamming through the bourbon. Every cut he’s putting down an empty glass. Not that I can blame him. I’d want to be loaded too if I had to speak those lines. Also, Christine Gregoire’s emphasis is all off. It scares me. And I absolutely don’t want to fool around with “Snap” for thirty minutes.

  38. I’m convinced that “party” and “activity” are euphamisms for something, since they keep repeating them, and never explain what they are. Reads like religious cult propaganda.

  39. @Toasterhedgehog: Why on earth would you need a new mac every 2 years? The fact that new car models come out every year, does not mean you must buy the new one. Same for hardware. I have a mac at work 5 years old running smoothly, no problems. I use it as an internal server for my team. Also have a 5 year old mac mini at home running my daughter’s applications. No problems there either… Your comment is kind of lame.

  41. If it’s an incredibly elaborate hoax, it has gotten to the point where its originators must not even know it’s a hoax anymore. I got an honest to god, ACTUAL invitation to one of these parties from a former coworker. My rsvp was: “this confuses me.” I keep meaning to ask him if this is a sincere event on his part or not. It could really go either way with this guy.

  42. They’ve got wall ovens, but they’re bisque. I love wall ovens, but I hate bisque (as an appliance color. I love a good lobster bisque).

    Plus, all these people look very 1980’s. What’s up with that?

  43. The straw that killed Vista as an OS option for me was the fact that it wouldn’t run most 95/98 apps and a good chunk (around a third) of XP games.

    I’m disinterested in Windows 7 until I’m sure of its backward compatibility, and I’m still going to wait to see what kind of DRM butt-rape I can expect when I install it.

    I’ll look at it again in mid 2010 when most of the bugs are ironed out.

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