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…that Sarah Palin has suggested might save us from the Deepwater Horizon oil disaster.

Last week on Bill O’Reilly’s show, Palin suggested another would-be spill helper:

“The Dutch. They are known for dikes and for cleaning up water.”

As Towleroad reports:

So, let’s get this straight. Palin is invoking Hans Brinker, or the Silver Skates, a novel by American author Mary Mapes Dodge which first popularized the story of a little boy plugging a dike by putting his finger in it, as evidence that the Dutch have the solution to plugging an oil well which, by new estimates, is now pumping out 60,000 barrels of oil a day! Sheer genius!

Agreed. You may see video of Palin’s Dutch suggestion at Towleroad.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...

16 replies on “God Isn’t the First Fictional Character…”

  1. So that’s where my batshit crazy conservative friend got the information that the Dutch were standing by dying to help the US, and Obama sent them away. I was wondering which idiot she was listening to that day.

  2. On the other side, some of my liberal friends are circulating the idea that oil-eating microbes can solve this whole mess, if only the corrupt forces in charge of the clean-up effort would let the genius entrepreneurs who engineered these little marvels have a crack at it.

  3. I asked a friend who is an ecologist who studies the Gulf region about the microbe idea. She said it wasn’t a good idea because it would be introducing a foreign species – and in large quantities – that would in all likelihood prove to be invasive and harmful to other species.

  4. @3: Yeah, it has all the makings of an Australian Cane Toads saga: New species doesn’t solve the problem it was introduced to solve, but does create huge problems of its own.

    My point is, conservatives aren’t the only people indulging in fantasies about making this thing all better with some kind of magic bullet solution.

  5. @4 Your magic bullet suggestion makes me think that we shouldn’t discard the idea of panty liners. Giant large panty liners (with wings) to mop up the oil and then wring them out in a giant basic.

    Now, with super absorbancy.

  7. We actually do have very good expertise with these things. We have enormous natural gas and petroleum reserves in the North Sea. We have had a reasonably safe track record due to extensive regulation. Something she is not fond of.

    We Dutch are also very good at preserving environmentally fragile eco systems; while at the same time protecting the public. I’m sure we could come up with something great! It only took us 15 years of engineering / design and another 20 years of implementation last time!

    No matter how good of an engineer one is; it’s a lot easier to break shit than to fix it!

  11. @4

    “My point is, conservatives aren’t the only people indulging in fantasies about making this thing all better with some kind of magic bullet solution.”

    Like assholes, everyone has a magic bullet solution. The difference here is that Ms. Palin is using hers to further her own political “career,” rather than out of real concern for the environmental devastation.

    Nice attempt at false equivalency, though.

  13. She also said “The Dutch. They are known in the Norwegian. They are known for — for dikes and for cleaning up water and for dealing with spills.”

    Sheesh!!! what a nincompoop.

    Actually, in 1572 the Dutch (with the help of William of Orange) are also known for BREAKING down the dikes and flooding the invading Spanish Army, while a makeshift navy of Dutch “Sea Beggars,” part merchant, pirate and smuggler sailed in with guns blazing to victory.

  14. So apparently God doesn’t already know about the oil spill. We need to tell him what’s going on down here and then maybe he will help us out.

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