The awkward party for Joe Fiztgibbon, who wants to represent the 34th District in the legislature, has lots of family and streamers and balloons. But nobody is drinking alcohol, only soda, at tables where folks are sitting around family style. The only thing missing from the Heartland Cafe in West Seattle: Joe Fitzgibbon.

Joe Joe is apparently so nervous, according to friends and family, that he is hiding out in a an undisclosed location with one one friend pounding shots of Jägermeister waiting for the results.

Campaign manager Laura Hicks isn’t sweating it, though. Just as young and all American and cute as her candidate, Hicks says their toughest competition is Mike Heavey, but “only because of his family name.” (Heavey’s dad used to be in the legislature.)

Maybe Fitzgibbon will come out (of the closet) soon.

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8 replies on “Joe Fitzgibbon Is Having a Five-Year-Old’s Birthday Party and Refuses to Come Out of His Room”

  2. The drunk 27-year-olds here disagree. We’ve been trying to isolate this stranger writer so we can go be drunk on their face.

  3. The drunk 27-year-olds disagree with what? That he’s not there? That he’s nervous? That he’s drinking Jager with “a friend”? That he’ll come out soon?

  4. Drunks disagree that no ones drinking. Mr FitGibbon was drinking Starbucks and planning his well orchestrated “fashionably late” entrance. And we got tanked.

  6. Fact: I met Joe Fitzgibbon for the first time yesterday. He was coming out of the bathroom at the Hurricane. He apologized for his hands still being wet (no paper towels). I shook anyway. Yay!

  7. ??? Apparently, the SECB should have tried talking to more people in the room… since I was sitting at a table with three West Seattle Democratic Women, and all of us were drinking. And, unless the women were with their grandchildren, none of them would ever be found at a five-year-old’s birthday party.

    Laura is young, all-American, and cute as her candidate, though. At least you got that part right!

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