I stopped by the office today only to find the entire joint empty; I guess I missed the memo. With nobody around, I knew it would be hard to get any work done. At some point in the afternoon, I took a stroll through the premises to, you know, stir the creative juices. Passing by the web team’s office, I could hear some absolutely blood-curdling howls and sporadic thuds, as if a head were hitting the floor. The door was locked, but I could also detect the noxious strains of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” seeping through. I shouted, “Grant?! You okay?!” But all that was audible were more irregularly timed thuds and then some pitiful whimpering.

So, I did what any concerned co-worker would do: I went to Everyday Music and sold some crap CDs.

Dave Segal is a journalist and DJ living in Seattle. He has been writing about music since 1983. His stuff has appeared in Gale Research’s literary criticism series of reference books, Creem (when...

20 replies on “Grant Brissey May Be Losing a Substantial Amount of His Marbles”

  3. I’ve already sold mine.

    All this constant rain is really getting to me like it never had before. I mean, maybe a few times in the past it wasn’t raining/cold/wet on x-mass day but that was a few and far in the past. I just got back from a nice but cold trip to Florida. It was cold but it wasn’t WET.

  4. @3 Maybe a light machine and rum? (I think there’s an app for that…)

    This Officewatch is starting to remind me of the Blair Witch Project.

  5. @4, I know right? I’m starting to worry about poor Grant. I hope he’s not actually going insane, and is instead just being goofy. I’d feel bad if he lost it.

  7. @5 I’m kind of expecting the next picture to be of some odd bone fragments, torn clothing, and a barbie doll head, with “this was on my desk when I crawled out from under it…” written below.

  9. Pick the lock and shut off that ear bleed Billy Joel before it zombies down the hill — my windows are open and I don’t want zombie Billy (blechke) Joel to slither in. Oh, and please make sure Grant is okay.

  11. “I stopped by the office today only to find the entire joint empty; I guess I missed the memo.”

    uh, you mean you stepped out of the cave where you’ve been living all your life and didn’t know that at the end of december the world takes a few days off to celebrate the birth of the son of the imaginary man in the sky? you do know it’s chirstmas and even the most atheistic of people use it as a chance to take some time away from work, right? it’s not like today is some random wednesday in march.

  18. Last year’s OfficeWatch seemed more… gripping, if I’m remembering correctly, but I guess we’re just getting started. Godspeed, Brissey, and glad tidings to all!

  19. Maybe Grant was having Holiday Nooky. Could the “timed thuds” have been nothing more than good ol’ fashioned head banging? Blood-curdling howls at reaching the big “O?”

    That was my first guess, upon reading this post.

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