Kyle Regan, You’re All Right.

Kyle Regan, I had my doubts about you. I was the first in the office to bring up the woeful inadequacy, for example, of your sex fantasy with Sheryl Crow.

However, sir!

This makes me love you. To recap, you visited the Meiro Koizumi show I Suggested, and you wrote about it:

I’m not qualified to review of the art itself; it’s not my element. Me reviewing art would be Brit Hume reviewing the services at a mosque. But Meiro Koizumi’s pieces were powerful. I didn’t think that I would feel anything other than confusion when I first walked in—the first thing I saw was a Japanese man being choked with his tie by a screaming white woman—but I felt shellshocked by the time I left. The videos definitely elicited an emotional response, but no real ideas or opinions formed behind them. The shorts dealt with war, violence, and being Japanese in America… in World War 2… or some shit.

God I’m stupid.

Art outings are going to be the most intimidating events for me. I’m sure these are poignant pieces, but their depth is lost on me. Even if I didn’t get it, I enjoyed it. People go on about how art is supposed to be strange and challenging, and now I have a better idea of what they mean now. More art tonight; this better not turn me into a pretencious dickhead. Tonight I’ll dress like people in galleries do: a black dress jacket, a scarf, and maybe some crazy shit like a fedora.

Kyle Regan, I say again: I am not sure you always need a simile involving a lady and a location (Brit Hume/mosque, Sheryl Crow/limo). But I say that lovingly.

Because you actually DID write a pretty adequate amateur art review. You don’t know what the hell you saw, but you know you were affected. That is more than some critics ever manage to do, me included sometimes. You’re not stupid, just inexperienced. BUT NOW YOU HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE! I feel like a proud mother. (To chug forward the simile train: A proud mother at a bus stop.)

Thank you, Kyle Regan. I know you are intimidated, but I swear, galleries are so much less snotty than the comments section on any given Slog post—you’re so prepared. And if at any point you want me to talk down a pretentious dickhead, give me a call and I’ll give them an earful.

You are my person of the day. Over and out.

UPDATE: As commenter #1 pointed out, Brit Hume is not a lady. But since I am as dumb about Fox News talking heads as Kyle thinks he is about art, I’m just gonna leave it and not get all strikethrough up in here.