This week on Slog, we’re revisiting some of the most popular Savage Love letters of all time. We’re organizing them in our new Best Savage Love Letters of the Day section, which will continue growing with more all-star letters throughout the week. —Eds. Note
I’ve followed your column religiously for years, and it’s crazy how it’s helped someone like me, who was already very sex-positive and open-minded, to advocate for myself and others in many situations and conversations, with strength of character, good information, and the right words. Thank you for that. Now I have a question of my own and I really hope you’ll have time to respond.
My almost three-year old daughter, who is all about pink sneakers and princesses (but also dragons and tree-climbing) has been telling me for weeks now that she doesn’t like boys. When we pass a little girl on the street, she often tells me, “Look mama, that little girl, she is so pretty! I like her.” And today, she came up to me and told me that, “She was sad because she’s in love with her friend Leila.” It’s the first time I hear her use that phrase (“in love” instead of just “like” or “love”) and I was very taken aback. All I could think to reply was that love is a reason to be happy, not sad.
I don’t want to label my daughter; I know what the consequences of railroading and expectations can be. But I want to be prepared, because that feeling of being taken aback was not a pleasant one, and I would hate for it to happen again. As a super straight woman, I don’t know what homosexuality is like. I am afraid of not being great at guiding her and giving her advice; all I can do is be loving and accepting. Do you think I should put any thought into what she said this morning, and start working on doing some research and finding ways to broach the subject if/when it comes, or is it silly because nobody knows what romantic love is at age three? (For the record, I remember my first crush clearly: I was four, he was a cute redhead, and I never dared say a word to him because he made me so flustered.) Thank you for your kind advice if you have any!
A Mom Who Wants To Be There Always