This week on Slog, we’re revisiting some of the most popular Savage Love letters of all time. We’re organizing them in our new Best Savage Love Letters of the Day section, which will continue growing with more all-star letters throughout the week. —Eds. Note
This has been weighing on my conscience for years and I hope you can help me resolve it. When I was a little kid, I was playing with my little puppy dog and somehow the dog ended up sniffing my crotch and I let him lick me there. It was an amazing experience for a 5-year-old—until Mom walked in and smacked the shit out of me for it. That was the end of it until I was bout 11 years old and then, bam, new puppy, same experience, except this time I was more careful about where and when the puppy and I played this little game. So many amazing orgasms! This went on for a while and then I moved on to other interests. Years later, as a very horny and very frustrated 20-something, I again found myself with a cute little pet who was only too happy to lick me. I indulged myself a time or two but felt so horribly ashamed that I actually gave the dog away and never ever indulged again. It bothered me so much that I talked to a therapist about it. I guess I felt I needed to confess to someone. Luckily my therapist was a very gentle gay man and he was not shocked, he was very accepting, and he assured me that I was not a pervert and that I would still go to heaven when I died. He even made a little joke about me and the little poodle at the pearly gates. No shit! He was a good guy.
But I digress. Cut to the present. I am 68 years old, and I still feel horribly ashamed of my past forays into “bestiality.” Honestly, sometimes when I recall the experience, I feel like a monster, like I am some sort of subhuman. And I also feel a bit aroused. Those were some powerful orgasms for sure. But then I feel rotten about it, like an evil person and I think that if people “knew” no one would ever speak to me again.
I know all this self-hatred and shame is not good for my mental health and I really want to find some sort of peace about it but honestly do not feel I could sit across from someone and talk about it face to face, that’s how ashamed I feel. I hope you can help me.
Dan, how common is this sort of behavior? And how do I get over feeling so horrible about it?
Problematic Uncensored Puppy Play Is Eroding Sanity