Around 11:30 p.m. on December 12, a female resident of the 400 block of 14th Avenue found a group of men peeing in her alleyway. The woman, according to a Seattle police report, “approached the group with a digital camera and told them that she was taking their photographs in order to document the offense.” Two of these men—here on out known as Suspect One and Suspect Two—were particularly confrontational. Suspect One “began picking up rocks and pumping his arm as if he were going to throw them at [the woman],” so she called the cops. Then her boyfriend came out of the alley, and this is where shit gets real:
[Suspect Two] said “We’ll pee wherever we want,” unzipped his pants, and took out his penis. Both victims were alarmed. [Suspect Two] then charged towards [the woman’s boyfriend] holding his penis. [The boyfriend], believing [Suspect Two] meant to touch him with his penis, shoved [Suspect Two] away.
The woman and her boyfriend were taken back to the precinct, where “they initially identified [Suspect One] as threatening to hit [the woman] with rocks and also assaulting [her boyfriend] with his penis, but, while being interviewed, said that Suspect Two was, in fact, the person who assaulted the woman’s boyfriend “with his penis,” the report says. Suspect Two was later arrested at his home.
I’m not against peeing in alleyways, necessarily, but I am very much against assaulting people with penises. But I’m also against taking pictures of people peeing in alleyways (well, I mean, without their permission).
Added to the Overused And Meaningles Hipster Catchphrase List (including EPIC, FTW, FAIL, etc etc etc, each used to describe unimportant real-life events): “this is where shit gets real.”
And the moral of this story is: Instead of confronting somebody who’s pissing in an alley, you’re better off just shooting them.
a public alley is totally fair game for having your picture taken. Don’t want your picture taken? Don’t piss in the alley.
What’s with all the hipster hate on Slog comments? I’ve wondered this for a while. It seems pretty arbitrary in both direction and definition.
Uh, pick your battles. Unless they’re peeing on something of particular value, just let ’em finish and move on with your life. It rains often enough around here that you shoudn’t have to worry about stagnant odor. The exception would be in the middle of summer. I walked by the alley between 2nd and 3rd downtown during the heatwave, and the smell of alley piss caused me to dry heave.
As a supposedly aspiring journalist you should know that Wa. State law protects the right of anyone taking photographs of anyone else in a public place. Why are you against excersizing a freedom?
I can understand being drunk enough to take a leak in an alley, but to engage in some sort of a penis joust is a whole new level.
@7: haaaaa, penis joust.
@6: there are lots of things we have the freedom to do that are also creepy, like woody allen marrying his adopted stepdaughter, and takin pix of some dude’s dick in an alleyway. it’s cool that these things are legal, but it doesn’t mean they’re not somewhat questionable behavior.
I’ve pissed in an alley or three, but I accept that there’s a risk, including arrest and even photography. I’m on the woman’s side here. Her boyfriend should have had a pair of garden shears with him, though.
@1:
FWIW, I always consider shit to be real.
I mean, when was the last time you encountered imaginary shit?
@4:
Anonymous SLOG Hipster-haters are so far down the food chain, they actually fear retribution from hipsters if they were ever outed.
@8, taking a picture of someone committing a crime in your alley is “questionable”, but committing that crime isn’t?
Let me guess…. Unpaid intern is a guy, and as with most guys, he thinks that the world is just one big toilet for his pissing pleasure. Pee stinks and I don’t particularly enjoy encountering men pissing in public. Exercise some foresight, manners and consideration and pee into a toilet.
@12 fail
“Posted by news intern Sarah Lloyd”
I’ve never met a guy named Sarah.
@13: I actually have met a guy named Sarah… So it is possible…
That being said I think it’s highly unlikey that Unpaid Intern Sarah is a dude.
On a related note, I heard that there once was a boy named Sue. He was apparently involved in a domestic dispute with his father, however no cops were called and no arrests were made. Pictures may or may not have been taken.
There’s such a constant and unending riving of pee navigating around my neighborhood, I feel I have something to add here, but I don’t.
@10: as a theater professional, I’d think you’ve run into more than your fair share of imaginary shit. Especially during drunken improv games. Or possibly some of Sam Shepard’s work.
@15: Beat me to it.
The guy who wrote “A Boy Named Sue” was written by a guy named Shel.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7e5ZVIpB4…
Sorry, please ignore that “The guy who wrote…”
it’s hilarious that Unpaid Intern thinks photographing someone peeing on your property (or your home, anyway, as they may be renters) is “questionable”. And comparable in creepyness to a legal father figure marrying his (ex) wife’s daughter.
The cringing at hipster hate on Slog is almost, but not quite, as funny.
those hating on hipsters are themselves hipsters, no doubt, because apparently everyone is a hipster. the snowball fight in DC where everyone was wearing goretex and ski hats? hipsters who deserved to be shot. it is to laugh.
…and this is where shit gets real
I thought it was funny.
“I am very much against assaulting people with penises.”
My first interpretation of this line was “people with penises — i.e., men — shouldn’t be assaulted merely because they happen to be in possession of a cock.”
But then I realized a second interpretation — “cocks should not be used as weapons” — made a lot more sense.
I agree with both interpretations.
Really? I totally think they should have all aimed their dicks at her and peed on her. Who cares if someone is peeing in an alley.
On a totally separate note: It sounds to me like she’s never been properly laid.
can somebody bail me out?
that chick shouldn’t have gotten so made, i was just peeing. fuck
made == mad.
dammit
When Rudy Giuliani was mayor of New York drunken faggots didn’t pee in public or threaten people with their peni.
But you Seattle hipsters fell free to continue cringing and cowering in your peed on apartments…
The boyfriend ONLY shoved this guy?
I am a lady but I still consider the world my toilet, so you all win!
There is another unpaid intern who *is* a dude, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t. But I can’t make that call for him.
Not hipster-hating (necessarily), just hipster-catchphrase-hating. Thirty years ago Hipsters were called New Wavers and were shunned as mightily as Hipsters are today. They even wore neon/teal, stripes/polka dots, stove-pipe jeans, Flock of Seagulls haircuts (albeit with hairspray and rat tails) and oversized primary color-framed eyeglasses. I’m fine with that, you guys will all mature and grow through it. But the EPICness, the FORREALZness, the SOOPERness, the THIS SHIT IS REALness of it all… Day to day events aren’t always game changers, you know?
Christ, when did people become such freaking babies? I’m with @24 on this one. Having to witness public urination is a given if you leave the suburbs to take residence in the “big city.” These two infants need to get over it, learn to avert their eyes, or move back to Puyallup.
@4 Are you fucking serious?
What’s not to hate about hipsters. From the terrible indie/rap hybrid music and disgusting clothing styles and facial hair that make even the young ones look twice their age to the snarky “you hate us because you missed the hipster boat and just jealous” mentality. You are stinky overly dressed and sweaty disgusting little pigs and saying that does not make me an “old man” as you may be quick to retort.
@ 32 Right On! What’ s really funny about hipsters is that they think they are expressing their uniqueness and individuality. Umm, why do they all look the same then.
@ 10 I’ve yet to see a hipster that looked over 130 lbs. soaking wet. Therefore, I don’t fear any face confrontation with you or your ilk. But, I may tremble at your brand of “in the dark”, passive agressive bullshit retribution. I’m pretty sure that that is all you are capable of…