Regarding the woman allegedly touched inappropriately by Donald Duck at Epcot Center:

Gawker's "moral of the story" (complete with "WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN" moral outrage!): "Men who wear masks are not to be trusted."

Then Slate did some actual reporting (nutty!) and found otherwise: "Moral of the story: Uncorroborated allegations are not to be trusted."

The last time I was at Disneyland—as an adult—I ran into Winnie the Pooh. He looked so cute, I asked him for a hug. He took the opportunity to totally grab my ass with his big yellow paw. Did I sue for negligence, battery, and infliction of emotional distress, plus more than $50,000 in damages? No. I was all, "Winnie! Aren't you fresh!" and Winnie was all [hilarious hey-what-can-I-say shrug by person wearing giant animal costume]. I may then have said something about a honeypot. We parted friends. After all, it's the Happiest Place on Earth^™.

And now I can say, forever after, that Winnie the Pooh grabbed my ass. Truly, it is a gift that keeps on giving.

Slog's moral of the story: Stuff is funny!