Blogs Nov 8, 2010 at 9:04 am

Christian Mad Libs

Dan Savage
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Comments

1
A void seen only on an ambiguous billboard?
Sarah L. on November 8, 2010 at 9:06 AM Report this
2
disappointed in the way his followers have been acting.
Ratatoskr on November 8, 2010 at 9:08 AM Report this
3
Directly from the jesus-is.org website: Gay.
Delishuss on November 8, 2010 at 9:08 AM Report this
4
Played.
Fnarf on November 8, 2010 at 9:08 AM Report this
5
Going as Daphne next Halloween.
Canuck on November 8, 2010 at 9:09 AM Report this
6
A bully.
Overpopulation Participant on November 8, 2010 at 9:10 AM Report this
7
Jesus is... HIV POSITIVE, according to this crazy voodoo jeebus pastor in South Africa:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnew…

'Jesus was HIV-positive': South African pastor sparks outrage with bizarre claim

By Daily Mail Reporter
Last updated at 2:55 PM on 2nd November 2010

"A South African pastor has provoked outrage after beginning a recent sermon with the claim that Jesus Christ was HIV-positive.

Xola Skosana stunned his congregation in Cape Town's Khayelitsha township with the bold statement, news of which then quickly spread across the country.

And Christians have reacted angrily, claiming it portrays Jesus as sexually promiscuous.

'The subject of my Jesus being HIV-positive is a scathing matter,' said another local pastor, Mike Bele."

MORE STORY AT LINK ABOVE
Naive White Libtarded Seattle Progressive on November 8, 2010 at 9:11 AM Report this
8
@5: ♥
Delishuss on November 8, 2010 at 9:12 AM Report this
9
Jesus is empty and void. Jesus is a Buddhist.
Reg on November 8, 2010 at 9:14 AM Report this
10
Lard.
J.R. on November 8, 2010 at 9:15 AM Report this
11
the opiate of the masses?
Reverse Polarity on November 8, 2010 at 9:18 AM Report this
12
gee, there's a lot of wack stuff on that site. e.g.: http://jesus-is.org/jesus_has_his_hands_…
annabee on November 8, 2010 at 9:20 AM Report this
13
Dead. Has been for a long time now.
Fifty-Two-Eighty on November 8, 2010 at 9:20 AM Report this
14
HUNG.
douchus on November 8, 2010 at 9:22 AM Report this
15
tasty.
Womyn2me on November 8, 2010 at 9:24 AM Report this
16
...a stranger to many self-proclaimed Christians.
HOT PUSSY on November 8, 2010 at 9:25 AM Report this
17
Jewish, dark-skinned, and dead as a doornail.
Carollani on November 8, 2010 at 9:25 AM Report this
18
magic. Thank you, Sarah Silverman.
mark on November 8, 2010 at 9:26 AM Report this
19
coming - quick: swallow or spit?
gloomy gus on November 8, 2010 at 9:27 AM Report this
20
a punk rocker!
graphite on November 8, 2010 at 9:27 AM Report this
21
a handy way to raise mega money!
Vince on November 8, 2010 at 9:28 AM Report this
22
Muhammad
Max Solomon on November 8, 2010 at 9:31 AM Report this
23
Not a bad dude, but taken way to seriously.
bigdman on November 8, 2010 at 9:32 AM Report this
24
It's a venal sin to spit, gus, jeez, cross yourself, quick.
Canuck on November 8, 2010 at 9:35 AM Report this
25
...not in my bathroom.
Afreet on November 8, 2010 at 9:36 AM Report this
26
an imaginary Jew
misterlevitan on November 8, 2010 at 9:40 AM Report this
27
just alright with me.
Urgutha Forka on November 8, 2010 at 9:41 AM Report this
28
Jesus was an androgyne
Jesus was a he and she
Jesus was a freako baby--just like you and me
Jesus was a pagan
Jesus was a priest
Jesus was a beauty
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! was a beast.

(with sincerest apologies to Dory Previn)
attitude devant on November 8, 2010 at 9:41 AM Report this
29
my gardener.
Jared Bascomb on November 8, 2010 at 9:41 AM Report this
30
pissed.
LDW on November 8, 2010 at 9:42 AM Report this
31
pretty much whatever you imagine him to be, just like all other dead people.
I have always been... east coaster on November 8, 2010 at 9:47 AM Report this
32
4 BONG HiTS
pissy mcslogbot on November 8, 2010 at 9:53 AM Report this
33
is my hot rod.
darthvegan on November 8, 2010 at 9:54 AM Report this
34
fictional.
OuterCow on November 8, 2010 at 9:55 AM Report this
35
Canuck, he'll grant me a plenary indulgence if I follow it up by cooking dinner while he snoozes. Never fails.
gloomy gus on November 8, 2010 at 9:55 AM Report this
36
@Canuck and gus: You two are so cute. You're like the amicable version of Will and Fnarf.
Delishuss on November 8, 2010 at 10:00 AM Report this
37
a fantastic bowler.
dirge on November 8, 2010 at 10:06 AM Report this
38
smokin' hot.
alight on November 8, 2010 at 10:12 AM Report this
39
smokin' hot.
alight on November 8, 2010 at 10:12 AM Report this
40
wondering WWJD
BEG on November 8, 2010 at 10:14 AM Report this
41
Sausage spelled backwards and incorrectly.
MirrorMan on November 8, 2010 at 10:15 AM Report this
42
coming, so you'd better look busy.
fashnable1 on November 8, 2010 at 10:17 AM Report this
43
a guy who would be a lot more accepting of homosexuality than his Christian-in-name-only followers.
LogopolisMike on November 8, 2010 at 10:20 AM Report this
44
Jesus is crawling all over the walls. Damn, what did you put in this shit?
Zamboni on November 8, 2010 at 10:22 AM Report this
45
...less effective than seat belts.
Gurldoggie on November 8, 2010 at 10:23 AM Report this
46
@42:

Jesus is coming; he's wanking through the hole in his hand!

Also:

Everybody knows why Jesus died on the cross, right? HE FORGOT THE SAFE WORD!

Thanks a lot folks, I'll be here all week. Try the veal.
Zamboni on November 8, 2010 at 10:24 AM Report this
47
Haploid.
onetequilatwotequila on November 8, 2010 at 10:25 AM Report this
48
Haploid.
onetequilatwotequila on November 8, 2010 at 10:26 AM Report this
49
a guy who would be a lot more accepting of homosexuality than his Christian-in-name-only followers.
LogopolisMike on November 8, 2010 at 10:26 AM Report this
50
...a pederast.
dwight moody on November 8, 2010 at 10:28 AM Report this
51
Ah, gus, you've got the moves...(and the body of our lord on your sheets, apparently)...better make some creme brulee, too, just to be safe...

Delishuss, thanks for your kind words! gus and I are fraternal twins born to different mothers, and we've been using Slog to reconnect--it's been an adventure!
Canuck on November 8, 2010 at 10:32 AM Report this
52
@19 facial
boxcar on November 8, 2010 at 10:33 AM Report this
53
Why aren't these billboards being vandalized? I'm disappointed every time I drive by one in its original condition. Come on Seattle!
Karen on November 8, 2010 at 10:33 AM Report this
54
a terrible quarterback. Terrible. And overpaid. Jesus.
aardvark on November 8, 2010 at 10:40 AM Report this
55
this guy I used to work with in Arizona who could mix stucco really well.
sall on November 8, 2010 at 10:40 AM Report this
56
picking out a thermos for you.
Betsy Ross on November 8, 2010 at 10:41 AM Report this
57
my next-door neighbor.
COMTE on November 8, 2010 at 10:42 AM Report this
58
Suspiciously silent.
Roscoe on November 8, 2010 at 10:58 AM Report this
59
Someones invisible sky friend.
muggims on November 8, 2010 at 10:59 AM Report this
60
easily nailed
BEG on November 8, 2010 at 11:06 AM Report this
61
risen from the dead, making him a FREAKING ZOMBIE, you guys!
BEG on November 8, 2010 at 11:07 AM Report this
62
Delishuss, it's true - I thank you too.
gloomy gus on November 8, 2010 at 11:10 AM Report this
63
http://jesus-is.org/selling_oranges_on_t…

I shouldn't be amused, but I am anyway.
breelligerent on November 8, 2010 at 11:16 AM Report this
64
...not the one who put up this billboard.

Also, @53... no kidding! Where is the Billboard Liberation Front when you need them?
treacle on November 8, 2010 at 11:42 AM Report this
65
... NOT to be fucked with. (click)
treacle on November 8, 2010 at 11:43 AM Report this
66
...crossing the road because He is nailed to the chicken!
blackhook on November 8, 2010 at 12:02 PM Report this
67
nothing.
very bad homo on November 8, 2010 at 12:11 PM Report this
68
Was I the only comic nerd who immediately thought of Darkseid's two word proclamation at the end of that Justice League comic, the first time that billboard was spotted around town?
Peter F on November 8, 2010 at 12:18 PM Report this
69
...the reason I need therapy.
A preacher's daughter. on November 8, 2010 at 12:18 PM Report this
70
Made up
Ronald_McFondle on November 8, 2010 at 12:31 PM Report this
71
the reason for the season?
Just a tad on November 8, 2010 at 12:36 PM Report this
72
the reason for the season?
Just a tad on November 8, 2010 at 12:38 PM Report this
73
N'T.
krista1203 on November 8, 2010 at 12:40 PM Report this
74
suing the Fundies to get his good name back.
icegirl on November 8, 2010 at 12:42 PM Report this
75
I dunno... In the sign I see...

Jesus is nothing.
Jesus is undecided.
Jesus is non-descript.
Jesus is a void.
Jesus is blank.
Jesus is black.
Jesus is boring.
TheMisanthrope on November 8, 2010 at 12:54 PM Report this
76
laughing her ass off.
Nyckname on November 8, 2010 at 12:57 PM Report this
77
Well Played, @27.
ML77 on November 8, 2010 at 1:00 PM Report this
78
@53 - I've been meaning to get a white paint pen to fill in the bumperstickers.
SoSea Resident on November 8, 2010 at 1:06 PM Report this
79
n't.
Sili on November 8, 2010 at 1:07 PM Report this
80
or was the 74th most popular boy baby name in 2006 here in the US.

In English "Jesus" means nothing. It is a poor translation of Yeshua. There is some historical evidence that a Yeshua (5-6 BCE - 27-30 CE) died by public, political execution. Even critics like John Remsburg and Richard Dawkins say that the odds are Yeshua did exist, even though the Gospels have no more historical evidence than myths do. But, that is about it. The little evidence available for existence of Yeshua is too weak for historians to be able to say anything on Yeshua's existence.
kim in portland on November 8, 2010 at 1:17 PM Report this
81
this poop on my shoe?
Arsfrisco on November 8, 2010 at 1:22 PM Report this
82
DUMPED!! just ask Madonna!
roger_br on November 8, 2010 at 1:25 PM Report this
83
misrepresented by a bunch of zealot bigot homophobes.

thenan on November 8, 2010 at 1:59 PM Report this
84
...a little judgey.
Mango_Kitten on November 8, 2010 at 1:59 PM Report this
85
just jizzed all over my curtains.
brandon on November 8, 2010 at 2:05 PM Report this
86
@77,
Thanks, I was wondering if anyone would notice
Urgutha Forka on November 8, 2010 at 2:08 PM Report this
87
a bit on the scrawny side, if you ask me.
jen on November 8, 2010 at 2:16 PM Report this
88
Not a rugby player.
http://timberdoodlerugby.tripod.com/id11…
on November 8, 2010 at 2:30 PM Report this
89
@ 86, I noticed too. That number is on my Gladys Knight Christmas album. Good one.
sall on November 8, 2010 at 2:36 PM Report this
90
in my grilled cheese sandwich.
polyfabulous on November 8, 2010 at 2:46 PM Report this
91
...crispy, even in milk?
on November 8, 2010 at 2:48 PM Report this
92
...the Latino prep-chef at my favorite restaurant?
John Horstman on November 8, 2010 at 2:48 PM Report this
93
your gardener. And the short order cook at your restaurant. And the chief janitor at your local school. And picking your vegetables, waiting your tables, blowing your sidewalks...
BEG on November 8, 2010 at 3:27 PM Report this
94
lies, forgeries, and contradictions. Do Christians even read the Bible cover-to-cover? Sometimes I feel really sad for them and their delusions, but then I remember they are giant assholes about it.
ADoodle on November 8, 2010 at 3:27 PM Report this
95
as Jesus does?
Durang Durang on November 8, 2010 at 4:07 PM Report this
96
gay and proud. Believe it!
despicable me on November 8, 2010 at 4:22 PM Report this
97
probably going to find his popularity unaffected by an expensive PR campaign.
slackerina on November 8, 2010 at 4:27 PM Report this
98
a sparkle magic unicorn.
kerfuffle on November 8, 2010 at 4:28 PM Report this
99
also amused at Seattle's inability to fix the Viaduct situation (and highly favorable toward the tunnel option).
Looking For a Better Read on November 8, 2010 at 4:43 PM Report this
100
unable to explain the appeal of Sarah Palin. Seriously, what is up with that?
Looking For a Better Read on November 8, 2010 at 4:47 PM Report this

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