From a press release:

Dear Mr. Mudede,

Huh oh, here we go again! Another cougar and her cub relationship is in trouble. Just when the dust settled over Ashton and Demi, we now have Eva and Tony calling it quits! It’s no wonder cougars are on the endangered list!

Relationship expert Ish Major, MD, isn’t surprised. He believes most cougar/cub relationships are destined to fail. Why? Just look at the facts. A species of animals becomes endangered due to:

* Habitat Destruction - cougars eventually tire of being ‘mommy’ and set their cubs free
* Introduction to Exotic Species - as cubs grow older, younger females look more and more attractive
* Reproduction - even males eventually feel their own biological clocks ticking and want to procreate
* Survival of the Fittest - as cubs mature, their cougars become a little ‘too’ mature
* Over Exploitation - cubs resent being ‘cared for’ and want to make their own way

All well and good. Let's now turn to the cub anthem: