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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
Fuck her because you want to fuck each other.
They're unrelated as far as I can tell.
Reminds me of a bizarre situation I wtnessed in college. Hot twenty-four year old guy back in the early nineties. Finishing college, and had been advised of the then-recent Kinsey report that 1 in 4 American men had had some kind of same-sex experience before the age of 21. Kid felt like he was somehow deficient for not having gotten some mansexing by that point, and showed up in the bar I was living in at the time, looking to score some before his clock ran out.
That had to be the weirdest thing I'd ever seen, especially given the overly red region of an incredibly red state we were both in at the time. Even stranger: the barback who hadn't yet come on shift by the time the kid hit his goal and taken off was his butch lesbian cousin, who was not out to him at the time...
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
So yes, do it. And yes, tell her you've identified as gay for your whole sexual life, but tell her you're bicurious. (That'll get a laugh and should defuse any weird feelings on her part)
Also, being in the closet for uni is cool if your parents are fundie nutbars.
I think that he should go for it. And he might as well tell the truth, since she'll find out anyway before the year is over, if she doesn't already know. Maybe she'll run, but I bet he can find some girl on his campus who'll be into it. And anyway, I bet she doesn't run.
Wheeeeeee! That was neat. But now she wants to fuck me more than you.
(Just kidding. The real tragedy is so many kids are so close to college graduation still don't know the definitions of "whore" and "slut". Get a dictionary. Or a dictionary app. Or go to a decent college.)
I am assuming you have some attraction to women, and to this girl in particular. I think saying something like, "I'm 99.9% gay, but that other 0.1% is intrigued by women, and I do find you attractive, so if your offer still stands..."
No need to lie, but you don't have to spell out every part of your motivation, either.
I think you will have a lot more luck if you plays up the sexy attraction angle and play down the "bucket list" angle.
Wouldn't that make it seem that he's at least somewhat open to the possibility of a relationship when he likely isn't? I'm not sure that, "Now I'm totally for it, and it would strictly be sex and we both know it. We are both very sexual people so I can definitely see this happening," is quite enough of a bridge to get to, "some attraction to women," although he at least seems confident that the two of them could get far enough.
"Life is going to be ok after coming out," suggests that there aren't going to be (m)any repeat performances, and "a lot more luck... play(ing) up the sexy attraction angle" would seem to suggest the possibility of false hope as well as more interest and effort on his part.
I was in CH's position, with a similar opportunity presented to me before I was completely out. Being slightly less curious, I declined, which was definitely the right decision for me. Some years later now, there may be less inclination to view opposite-sex experimentation as Trying to Be Straight. Maybe total OSE abstinence has had its time of value. So much the better, perhaps.
I don't think I'd tell CH outright not to do it, but there do seem to be an unsettling number of uncertainties. Is he really all that sure she just wants a Once Before Graduation experience?
That's a new one I haven't heard yet. This column always continues to be a treasure trove of hysterical euphemisms.
Boxes can be checked by both parties without it being a showstopper, if neither of the parties is looking for an emotional relationship.
"gee, thanks for the sex. I'm gay now!" is probably how it would come across
sooner or later you're going to be out to this group of friends and she's going to take it personally if you fuck her first.
you whore
I've done some things I'm not proud of, fucked a good dozen or so people I probably shouldn't have, and I've owned my slutty phases and have no problem saying, yeah, I was a little slutty for two or three years there. :)
On topic again: I'm with the ones who think this guy wrote this letter with all his dorm buddies sitting around giving him advise on what to say. I don't believe it. What college kids to instead of study.
[A label restricts you, don't be as phony as a gay bashing fundamentalist, by refusing to share an offered experience because it crosses an imaginary line.]
Suppose he were to realize, at some point when it finally truly hit home it had moved from theory to reality, that he didn't really want to go through with it - would that really make him as phony as a gay-bashing fundamentalist? At any rate, using that standard, at what point would it be acceptable to decline an offered experience?
Now you could, of course, tell her you're gay anyway, even if you feel she only wants to fuck. But it seems pretty obvious you don't want to do that for fear that she then won't want to fuck you. But I wonder what the odds of that are? If she does want to just fuck you and that's it, it seems to me that you being gay wouldn't dissuade her from wanting to. And it may even make her more interested. I think very few straight guys would turn down having sex with a lesbian they were attracted to, so would straight women be that much different with gay guys?
Men don't get to call women whores. I don't give a fuck how sex positive you are. It's a ridiculously high context word that brings up terrible feelings. It's one thing for it to be used between two friends who completely understand each other, but it is NEVER OKAY for a man to publicly refer to a woman as a whore.
Anyhoo, it was a lovely, great experience, and we're still very close today, years later. And I'm good friends with her husband to boot. (he's hot too). Go for it CH, don't stop to think twice about this.
Dunno why exactly but I think the guy who wrote the letter is douchey. The whore comment in parts. Feels made us-ish
These words are being reclaimed but, just like it's gay guys who are reclaiming faggot and gay women who are reclaiming dyke, women are the ones to reclaim whore. Not this guy.
So yeah, he should come out to her, and also ask her why she's interested in sex with him. And wear a condom. Also, Hot!
I'm a guy and agree with you that it's rude to call someone a whore. But I slightly differ with you on why a woman gets called a whore by men. When a man calls a woman a whore, I think he does it out of jealousy. In general, it's far easier for a woman to get laid than it is for a man and I think a lot of guys are envious of that. So it is a way of shaming a woman, but I don't think it's done to "preserve the men-chase-women ideal." I think it's due, mostly anyway, to jealousy (typically, when we're jealous of someone, we'll say something to put them down.)
Very likely. We could even speculate about whether his parents, if they know the freind, might have something to do with the author.
I wonder what the likely outcome is. I've come up with five so far:
A. He likes it so much that he goes in (whether or not his parents coincidentally happen to win a lottery jackpot).
B. It goes okay, but she turns out to be after more than just the curiosity boink, whether she knew it going in or not.
C. They both get to check off their boxes and wish each other well, whether or not they want to keep in touch.
D. They decide it will be fun, but one, the other or both can't quite perform when the time arrives.
E. A fantasy is one thing; sometimes reality is quite another; one of them realizes it's a called bluff and backs out.
With a little twisting, I can turn A, B, D or E into Life Imitating Art, but C still eludes me.
Me, I'm not gay enough to fuck a woman.