Maybe I'm weird, but I often imagine the destructive possibilities of everyday items—smashing a shopping cart into department store perfume counters, for instance, or spray painting people instead of buildings. Thanks to Seattle's unique crime culture, my spray paint fantasy has become a reality.

According to a Seattle police report, officers were called to a bar in the 1300 block of E Madison Street (likely Madison Pub or Chop Suey) in the predawn hours of Thanksgiving Day in response to a "report of a male that spray painted a customer in the face." The suspect was taken into custody and police wondered, what possible scenario would lead one man to tag another man's face on Thanksgiving Day?

Find out the answer after the jump!

Luckily for officers, there were a couple witnesses to the event. One of the witnesses reported that he saw the suspect and victim dancing and sparring verbally in the bar. This witness, along with another witness from the bar's security staff, decided to boot the victim from the bar because, according to the report, he "seemed to be the more intoxicated of the two and seemed to be more of the problem."

But, as the two witnesses were escorting the victim out, the suspect reportedly approached the victim and pushed him "three times knocking him to the ground." The witness told police that the suspect then pulled "a spray paint can from his pocket and [sprayed the victim] in the face with white spray paint." At that point, the suspect allegedly "fled on foot" where he was tackled and restrained by one of the witnesses.

The witness revealed that this might not have been the suspect's only spray paint-related crime that night. Shortly before the face spraying incident, the witness noticed that the "men's bathroom walls and stall doors were tagged with white spray paint with the initials 'LR'"—ruling out Zorro, Kilroy, and Banksy—"which were still wet to the touch."

After recording the witness's statements, police then contacted the victim. He had paint on his face and couldn't see. Horrors! Luckily SFD showed up and treated the guy. More surprising than the paint to the face, the victim "was too intoxicated to remember the incident." Protip: if you're going to get spray painted in the face and temporarily blinded, best go on a holiday bender first.

Two other witnesses testified that the verbal sparring between the victim and suspect had been mainly instigated by the victim. Just like football referees, though, the enforcers usually catch the second guy. The suspect was placed in custody and informed of his Miranda rights, but hearing them did not allegedly stop him from stating that "he spray painted [the victim] in the Face and spray painted 'LR' on the bathroom walls and stall doors."

In vino veritas!