Best awkwardly conspicuous simile, from "Pilot Duped AMA With Fake M.D. Claim":

However, United grounded him in August after his medical and doctoral degrees evaporated like contrails of the jets he flew.*

Best item in Weddings/Celebrations: a lawyer named Sue Yoo gets married. (The ancients called this kind of coincidence "nomen/omen." The moderns call it "racist punnery.")

Best opportunity for people to fight about pit bulls: hospital admissions for dog bites nearly doubled between 1993 and 2008, and the average cost of treating victims was $18,200.

*This is actually an AP story being carried by the Times. What gives with the lyricism, AP?