Here’s one outlook on how to split the check at a restaurant from a person called Neel at a thing called The Awl: If you’re under 25, do the math and figure out what you owe (INCLUDING, importantly, tax and tip): if you’re over 25, man or woman up and just divide the check evenly (UNLESS you really, truly only had one glass of wine and no food whatsoever, and yes, this does mean that those who order more and eat and drink with abandon win). I believe I agree with Neel.
Over here, also at The Awl, another person deploys some homosexual stereotypes on the same issue—excerpt:
But here is what happens, in my experience, and this is not a parody, when the gay men go out to eat, whether it’s at a hotdog stand or it’s two-star Michelin.
Gay: “Give me that check, it is my turn!”
Other Gay: “That is crazy talk, you paid three weeks ago at [name of other equally wonderful spot]! Please, please let me!“
Or, if you are with people who always stiff you, make an excuse re why you have to leave a bit early, and ask the server (discreetly if possible) for a separate check.
“…those who order more and eat and drink with abandon win.”
So, lessee, a handy guide to tipping encourages each individual diner to maximize their benefit by eating and drinking with abandon. Restaurants must hate this idea.
My friends and I always play credit-card roulette, in which a card is chosen at random and that person buys the meal for all. In pricier places, we’ll choose two payers, or we’ll have everyone chip in a fixed amount (say, $50) and have the loser pick up the remainder.
We eat together often enough that it evens out, and it makes for an exciting end to the evening. Best of all, no one makes begrudging comments about who ate/drank what.
Why is it so hard to keep track of your own shit?
Fuck no!
Look, I, on occasion, pick up the entire check when dining out with friends or family. They, similarly, occasionally pick up the check for me. But if everyone agrees to split the bill, you pay for what you ate and drank, end of story. Every cellphone has a calculator. Use it.
I agree with Neel and Ms. Clement (BTW is it Jean Clement or Bethany Jean?). Nothing is more irritating than the person at a group function that whips out a calculator and a pen. What goes around comes around. Also if you are the person that really only has one glass of wine BRING CASH.
As for my male homosexual dining experience; it’s usually splitsville down the middle, with little or no consideration as to what people ordered.
I just let the computer geeks argue over what is a fair share and leave a reasonable tip instead.
Otherwise I’d be there for days while they all pull out their calculating devices and show how useful their MBAs are.
The straight version of the article does mention that the 25+ guideline encourages the profligate to splurge at the expense of others, but has no answer for it. I suppose you can always just refuse to eat out with the perennial under-payers, or just accept that you’ll forever be subsidizing their entertainment. Some friends are definitely worth it.
I’ve found that the best option is to ask the server for separate checks at the beginning. Regardless of how complex your dining arrangement for the evening, your server has definitely dealt with something worse. This might still leave the issue of splitting the cost of shared items (apps, wine and desserts) but it at least lessens the sting. Paying for 1/4th of the wine when you only drank 1/8th of it doesn’t really matter. Paying for everybody else’s surf and turf when you’re vegetarian does.
It’s worth mentioning that the writer of the article is male. Men, on average, are capable of eating and drinking more based on body mass alone. Not only am I not going to subsidize another person’s eating and drinking choices under the auspices of “splitting” the bill, I’m also not going to regularly overpay simply because I have male friends.
Decide these things BEFORE anyone orders. Then ask the server to divide checks if need be. But why not just discuss payment with your fellow diners before anyone orders? “By the way, my treat tonight – you can get it next time” or “I’m going to ask her if she can do separate checks, I’m not going to have an entree tonight, okay?”
Ugh. I’m poor.
The first and last time, I ended up spending close to $60 for one drink. LAME.
Privileged people privileged. Poor folks are poor.
I, for one, am a separate checker.
@6 if everyone got the same thing, the only differential is the wine. Either track that mentally or write it down (e.g. 8 +6 +5 +7).
Tip on the pre-tax amount. No matter what guides tell you, 15 percent is a normal tip, 18 percent is for decent service, and 20 percent is we love you. Never leave no tip, they’ll think someone stole it. For bad service, leave coins. Do so guilt free – it’s not your prob their bf broke up with them and they spilled your food on the tablecloth and sloshed their wine as they were weeping.
I tend to fall on the “everyone pay for their own stuff” end of the spectrum in most cases. Because, when I’m out with friends, there are almost always “outliers”: people who are watching what they are spending, who came late or have already eaten, who don’t drink because they’re pregnant (or they just don’t). When it’s a more homogeneous group, it’s fine — I have one group of girl friends where we typically split evenly, but we’re all in similar economic situations and we usually eat/drink similar amounts.
“But here is what happens, in my experience, and this is not a parody, when the gay men go out to eat…”
Or when my family goes out to eat.
…Wait, my whole family’s gay?!
@8 to handle profligate splurgers who don’t pay their fair share, pre-arrange for a split check or pre-pay beforehand.
Then leave.
In Noo Yawk, peeps fight each other for the privilege of paying thousand-dollar tabs. In cheapskate Seattle, four diners will ask for four checks for a $40 meal. Sheesh!
If you’re going to get separate checks, SAY SO AT THE OUTSET; it makes the server’s life ever-so-much easier.
And tip 20%, for God’s sake. Just double the tax, if you’re math-challenged. Anything less is infantile penny-pinching, unless, of course, the server sneezed into your Ketel cosmo.
Some people are just less wealthy then their friends, and can’t subsidize a 30 dollar steak and five cocktails, but still want to go out now and again. Splitting evenly doesn’t work. Math isn’t hard, and there’s at least one person in every group who is capable of it, so everyone paying for what they actually get is the best option. If it’s a few bucks, that’s one thing, but it can be a difference of twenty-fifty-eighty dollars depending on who you’re with.
Here’s another important rule to remember for diners of all ages:
If your server decides to hook you up—maybe it’s a friend, or you’re a beloved (doubtful!) regular, etc.—with a reduced bill, leave enough money to cover what the bill would have been without the discount as a thank you.
“But, but, but, I’m not going to leave an extra $200 at Gary Danko after my buddy the waiter hooked us up!” you say? Well, this would never happen at Gary Danko. This will only happen at the pub where your girlfriend’s roommate works. If you couldn’t afford it, you shouldn’t have gone in there.
@16 if you like it there so much, move back.
We won’t miss you stiffing us on the check.
if it’s a casual, relatively inexpensive meal, i’ll usually say “i’ve got this one, you can get the next one (or, if it’s the case, you got the last one),” even if it means paying more than they did/will.
but i’ve been stuck on the short end of the 50/50 at nicer places too many times. if there’s wine or other pricey stuff involved, people need to keep track of their portion and, without being too much of a nudge about it, approximate a fair split.
What #18 said, but which should also apply to all the Groupon-esque discounts.
Same stereotypes are true for tipping. As anyone in the service industry can tell you, tippers rank (from Best to Worst):
Gay men
Straight men
Straight women
Gay women
In years of eating out with big groups of people I don’t think I’ve ever had a problem of circulating the check around the table for everyone to look at and throw in what they think covers their share. In fact, usually there’s too much in there so either people get some change or the server gets a huge tip. Nobody whips out a calculator or a pencil, mental math is not THAT hard.
Notes from an Iowa waiter:
Men in general will fight tooth and nail over who gets to pay the check, without regard to creed*, color or sexuality. I have seen screaming matches in the middle of dinner because two white guys with necks straining against their shirt collars are unable to back down from a restaurant-related dominance contest.
*unless it’s a Catholic table and the Bishop is there; the Bishop always pays. Catholics also drink like fish and tip well. Getting a 14-top with three reversed collars is your night, right there.
Old men are the worst tippers in the world. Any man over 65 is either going to stiff you or leave you the same dollar they tip everywhere else. This is a mystery — 70 years ago it was 1940. By the time these guys were old enough to tip it was the late fifties, and the American economy was booming, so it not like these guys grew up in the grip of universal poverty. Old women are approximately 87% more likely to decide you look like one of their grandchildren and tip you based on that.
Anyone who orders “just a salad” is either (a) super-nice and apologetic or (b) incredibly obnoxious and demanding, and in either case will leave you a small tip.
Well-to-do groups of super-straight white women tend to be small eaters and lousy tippers. Anytime you have a table of Barbies ordering four house salads and a bottle of rosé you can count yourself lucky to break 7% on the tip front. Women are in general much more likely to split the check. There’s probably some evolutionary psychology bullshit to account for this.
College students are like to come in with twelve people, move around after they’ve ordered, want you to split the check afterwards, and think they’re bonding with you a lot more than they are. They will either tip extravagantly out of a weird sense of solidarity or forget to tip altogether. Sometimes they will leave you food art in place of a tip. These are universally mocked.
College professors are delights. They drink well, they eat well, and they tip well, unless you’re dealing with either Math/Computer Science People or Philosophers. Math/CS People eat terribly and drink little; Philosophers eat little and drink (badly) like raucous fish.
There were surprisingly few non-college-affiliated openly gay men or women in the small town I worked in. Imagine that! The ones from the college tended to assimilate into student and professor stereotypes, although I don’t recall ever seeing two gay men quibbling over the check. This might have been shaped by there only being two decent restaurants in town.
@21 – Groupon = coupon. You should tip on the full, non-discounted amount any time you get any kind of discount/use a coupon. But, what @18 is saying is something different — if your friend gives you the “policeman discount” (as a friend of mine in Chicago used to do), you should actually give your friend the full amount discounted (not just tip on the undiscounted amount) as a thank you. I have no idea why you would do this with Groupon. Tip on the full amount, of course, but the waiter’s actually not doing anything extra for you, so why would you give him/her the money you save with the coupon?
@ 12 I am referring to people ONLY order a glass of wine. They don’t eat or drink anything else.
The biggest thing is not making assumptions. I was at a birthday party a couple years back, and two things happened: 1. A couple of people ordered huge amounts of appetizers for the whole party without clarifying that they intended for the cost of said appetizers to be split among all parties – they just assumed everyone knew that. 2. Most people assumed that since they didn’t order the appetizers, they weren’t on the hook for paying for them.
Couple of hours later, after a bunch of people had already left, they bring out the checks. Everyone except me quickly calculates what they owed for entrees and drinks and pays up. Once the rest of the check gets to me, I find out that I owe eighty bucks, because no one else paid for any of the appetizers. Let me tell you, I learned a lesson that night.
Did anyone mention the oft-observed phenomenon that blacks frequently don’t tip at all? Or are you not allowed to mention those things on SLOG?
I love how people will never tire of discussing tipping and bill splitting! It’s second only to bike rights and pit bulls.
Andrew Cole’s comment @24 should be its own post.
My parents used to be friends with another couple which included The World’s Biggest Cheapskate, and they and their other friends used to delight in crossing him up, by going back on their previous agreement to either split the check evenly (in which case he would order filet mignon and top-shelf Scotch) or just pay for what you ordered (in which case he’d order something sad like salisbury steak and water). They’d do the opposite, and he’d be screwed either way.
If you think that’s a little harsh, realize that one time when they went out to eat a flustered young waitress working her very first night on the job accidentally spilled water on my dad. She cried, but he was as always extraordinarily gracious, and left her a really big tip anyways. As they were heading out to the car, Mr. Cheapskate came running out after them shouting, “Dean, Dean, you left all this money on the table”. He richly deserved every screwing he ever got.
What @25 clarified. Hookup = reward with full payment, let server pocket the cash. Coupon = save the money, but tip on the retail amount, because half-off diner for two specials don’t get to your table at half the effort.
Funny you’d mention the “policeman’s discount”, since the diner I employ this rule most often—and am forced to discipline the occasional dining companion on—is also a popular cop spot.
As for the original question: If you can’t stand losing money to the group dining dynamic, just show up after for drinks.
I seem to be using “diner” and “dinner” interchangeably. Whoops.
@16 Doubling the tax isn’t always apparently a good idea. See the first answer here: http://questionland.com/questions/18797-…
I agree with the comments about Groupon and other discounts.
Your tip to your service should NEVER be based on either tax or discount – tip on what the price IS and ignore both tax and discounts.
I don’t play that divvy the check equally shit. You always get stuck supplementing somebody’s booze and it is typically the motherfuckers who order two or more bottles of wine. I don’t pay for what I didn’t get. Period. If my friends have a problem with that they can dangle. Don’t ask me out to dinner. I won’t miss it and I only half like them anyway.
Tip is always figured from _before_ the tax not after it.
As a server here are a few simple rules.
1: If you are planning on splitting the check let it be known, that way the server can keep track of who ordered what so on and so forth.
2: Splitting checks is not hard as long as you let the server know beforehand. (is it fun? NO, but it is not difficult again as long as you let the server know!)
-Large Groups: If someone orders courses and no one objects everyone pays
-Whoever books the party will get the bill.
-For the most part just split it evenly. I am sure this/that meal was not the first time that that group has gone out together and will not be the last.
-If you drink/eat more than the others, be honest and pay.
As for Tip….
Tipping is personal some tip before tax others after but just remember to TIP!
-Tip on the total before discounts and Gift certificates and remember if you are given anything like a drink or app, TIP on that too.
-Never leave less than 10% (the server will remember you and most people do not like spit in their food.)
-15% is welcomed but remember you are not only tipping the server you are also tipping the support staff that the server has to pay. (Is it fair that you have to pay, NO)
-20% equals on average a 10-12% take home for the server again not fair but you do not have to buy the food, prep the food, cook the food, present the food, deliver the food, clear the dishes, offer and prepare more food and do it within everyone’s expectations.
Also remember that your server and the staff is not beneath you. Just because you are a guest in a Restaurant does not give you the right to be rude. Yes we are serving you but that does not give you the right to Snap, motion or FUCKING grab us.
I could go on for hours on how servers are treated and discussed about why they should be tipped but I will leave it at this for now.
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All my friends know basic math. Maybe this is a problem for circles of friends who don’t know math, or don’t ever want to know, but I’m fine with it. If I’m on a date I don’t mind paying. Money is but fake paper we attempt to base an economy on, it fails all the time. Who gives a fuck about worthless paper? I’d rather hang out and worry about it later. I know my limit, I’m not buying you a sweatshop handbag, but I’ll buy you a 2 course meal if you’re going to eat it. Why should I care?
yeesh, if you have friends who are too awful to spend a couple bucks on when splitting stuff evenly or grabbing the whole bill, why would you subject yourself to a whole evening of prandial delights with them? And if you love your evening with them, why begrudge 20 or 30 bucks ?(and i’m a waitress who works three days a week, so don’t go thinking i have some super swank ass job)
I’ve always found tippers come in two categories:
People who have worked any kind of service job=generous.
People who haven’t=less so.
And is no one mentioning the outright attack at “YAFs” — young attractive females? Classy, buddy. Classy.
One more for separate checks! I make very little money (actor) living in NYC (so I pay an absurd amount in rent and utilities), so I’m often on a strict budget. On nights when I do decide to go out (usually when I haven’t seen my friends in weeks because I’m on said strict budget), I order only what I can pay for with tax and tip. Splitting the bill evenly, while slightly easier I suppose, screws people who are in different economic situations.
So, I always ask for separate checks at the beginning of the meal. Or, if for some reason that didn’t happen, we pass around the check and WRITE what each person is paying on the back of the check. That way, we can be sure that the whole check is covered, and the server doesn’t have to work too much harder than he/she already would running multiple credit cards. It’s not a perfect solution, but I’ve found it to work and have had several servers thank my friends and me for making it as clear as possible.
I don’t care how you do it, whatever works for you, fine. But just don’t involve the waiter in the drama. I waited tables in college and there was nothing worse than trying to settle and people either fighting over who would pay, or looking at their folded hands in their laps while someone else did.
When I’m going to treat a party at dinner, I discretely excuse myself as though I’m going to use the restroom, find the waiter, give him my cc in advance and tell him that when we’re done to bring the check to the table with an appropriate tip already added. It’s very smooth, everyone is happy, my guests don’t feel any pressure to contribute and most importantly it doesn’t put the wait person in the uncomfortable position of having to split checks after the meal.
Most restaurant computer systems can split checks fairly easily, but to me it still smacks of cheap secretaries going out to lunch and arguing over who had a coke and who had iced tea.
It will work out. Calm down, people. It’s just money.
Scenario: Group of 5 dine, check is presented, wad of cash and 2 credit cards given to server… “Cash and split the remainder between the 2 cards please”. Inevitable result: Server gets stiffed because only the meager CC portions offer their share of gratuity. Infuriating when the entire table truly enjoyed the service. : ?