I am a 27-year-old straight female, I’m GGG, and I have been living with my boyfriend for almost two years. I recently began to accept porn as a normal and very enjoyable thing; I used to enjoy it with partners and on my own, but the aftermath of abusive relationships and control issues stemming from my upbringing interfered and I became your stereotypical “controlling” girlfriend. I have since learned how to better deal with those issues and am on the road to a freer, more liberated sex life and a better understanding of how someone you are intimate with can have a private erotic inner life.

However, I still have a boundary about something: strip clubs. My sister was a dancer for years and although I am sexually liberal I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of my partner viewing other naked women. (That was my SISTER!) The only thing I can compare it to is showing my tits, pussy, and asshole to other men, which is not something my boyfriend would want me to do. I support sex workers and feel that prostitution should be legal so as to increase the safety of workers. But I have this one boundary. When I told my boyfriend about it in the beginning of our relationship he informed me that strip clubs were not important to him and he had no problem respecting my boundary. I should mention here that I never said “you can” or “you can’t,” but rather “this is how I feel.”

I am fortunate to have a loving man. We are honest, we communicate, and he fully validates and respects how I feel. And here’s the clincher: I feel guilty that he respects me in this way! I feel like that stereotypical-harpy-controlling-cunt girlfriend who “has her man on a leash.” I have been majorly put down by men in my past including their friends who were very chauvinistic and sexist. However, I DID have issues of control in the past that I have since reprimanded into patterns of healthier thinking. Perhaps I am overly self-critical but I end up feeling like that type of girlfriend nobody wants or wants to be. How do I let this go? And is this a healthy boundary? Like I said, we enjoy porn, we explore each others desires, we communicate well, and we don’t guilt-trip, blame, or intentionally hurt each other. Am I just being neurotic? Is there a right or wrong in this matter or is it up to the couple what is healthy for THEM and fuck what other people think?

Sick Of Anxiety

My response—my brief response—after the jump.

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Dear SOA,

Take yes for an answer.

Yours,

Dan