LW1; please. Just walk from this loser.. How/ Why would you sign anything with this , this, this... Non enjoyable to be around and love person. And maybe do a bit of self esteem work with someone, so you never ever have to pose a Qu like this to another person.
Go. Just Go.
Ouch. TFRMSL's partner just got hoist on her own Savage petard.
Anyone know what TNG's beau is doing with her lace glove? All I can think is that he crafted some kind of funky costume for his penis...…………
NSFW, btw
And LW2.. You deleted your facebook pg, rather than tell this girl where to get off?
Relationships are not prisons, your mail doesn't need to be read by the Authorities.
Agree with Dan. This chick is not a nice girl. Move on.
LW3: ditto. As in, agree with Dan.
Also wanted to say that a lot of poly people don't give anyone veto power. Instead, they take their partners' concerns into consideration as they make their own decisions.
What are the lace panties and glove "stitched up in a weird way" all about?

Sounds like the guy has some kind of fetish, the practice of which involves altered women's clothing, dildos, and about two hours alone in the closet, I mean bathroom.
No one uses Metrosexual anymore????!!!! What are they using now? god, I fall behind the times so fucking quickly. I guess I'm just not one of the hip in kids.
@3: I like the inclusion of the last of your links.
I always thought a metrosexual was just a straight guy with an eye for fashion.
Why delete the FB account? Just change your password (along with the password for your account on your computer and anything else if needed), and then unfriend and block the GF. Why do people give their partners access to all their personal accounts anyway?
@8. I think the new term is Half- Baked.
Coined it myself. May not go down too well, though/ metrosexual allowed a lot more wriggle room.
@3 I think I love you
@3 Those are positively delightful. I love the one with the jaunty little straw hat.

Where is the last one from (and wtf)? It looks familiar.
TFRMSL: Tell girlfriend, "Your concerns all seem to revolve around the concept of losing your boyfriend. Well, good work, you've managed to lose me all on your own."

She thinks she gets a fucking LIVE-IN boyfriend, but anything of the more-than-friends variety makes her that nervous? That she not only vetoes everyone, but snoops through your shit?

Time to make asshole girlfriend face her worst nightmare.
@9, 13, 14, thanks for the love. For more info on that last one, see this link:…
@3: That would explain the dildos. They're his mannequins.
@3 I love the sombrero.
@3 OMG, that 2nd link, I haven't laughed this much for a long time. Thank you!! How did you even find these things.
Metrosexuals are heterosexual men, right? So why would LW3, be thinking her guy is branching out? Has the definition changed? And yes.. I've checked with Google.
I don't disagree with Dan's advice to TFRMSL. But I would like to comment on this:

"I've talked about this with my partner and she worries that if I play with someone else she could wind up being replaced and she feels threatened by my having a more-than-friends relationship with any of the people I have expressed interest in."

I don't think this is as hypocritical as it sounds. As a newly poly person I've struggled with these feelings, particularly with a new partner, particularly when they are new to poly. The possibility that their next partner will want to take them away by offering them a monogamous relationship -- something that I cannot offer -- is a real fear, and it's not irrational, because it does happen. I may know my own mind enough to know that a new shiny person is not going to tempt me away from established relationships, even established part-time relationships, but I don't know my partner's mind well enough to be convinced of that. Add that to the insecurities everyone suffers from time to time about whether they're good enough or hot enough or whatever, and TFRMSL's girlfriend's worries seem well founded.

Having said all that, though, these worries do -- or should -- tend to dissipate with time. TFRMSL and his girlfriend (TFRMSLGF) have been together for "several years", which should be long enough for TFRMSLGF to be secure in their relationship and not threatened by the next shiny thing. Although during that time, TFRMSL has apparently only been with his previous long-term ex and TFRMSLGF, his current desire to have more than one relationship indicates he's also committed to polyamory. So all she's facing is the possibility of having less time with him.

That is, unless she knows what a horrible girlfriend she's being, and is well aware that any interest from a decent human being could tip the scales towards his leaving her. In which case she could just, you know, start being that decent human being herself, rather than a possessive snoop. Feelings of jealousy may be unavoidable and understandable, but they're no justification for her behaviour. What did we say in the 70s: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours; if it doesn't, it was never meant to be."
Yeah, metrosexuals are supposed to be straight, but the letter writers seems to think they are "questioning" or closeted.

And the pink asshole comment? WTF, did she really think that it gives away his secret gayness, like a clue she uncovered?
@21: "I don't think this is as hypocritical as it sounds."

Think that's because it's leaving out the part where she has a live-in second partner and isn't allowing him anyone else?
Ms Fan - I don't think you're arguing that it's not just as nasty, but "well founded" seems to tip into "defensible". One can understand the worry, but the parallel that springs most quickly to mind would be the fear that a bisexual partner might leave one for someone of another gender or fail at monogamy. Using your own parallel, you might (if we could imagine a monogamous "you" for a couple of sentences) know yourself well enough to be confident that no longing for genitalia type A will lure you away from your partner and that partner's genitalia type B, but you might not feel sufficiently confident about your partner, especially given the allure you acknowledge and feel yourself of genitalia types other than your own. After all, it does happen. I propose this mainly as a refinement to your post, suggesting that the two attitudes merit approximately equal treatment.
It's phenomenon in this case, Dan. You're referring to one thing (the occurrence of pink assholes), so it's singular.
The hypocrite and cheater are very clear dtmfa's, I agree.
The selfish narcissist doesn't seem as hopeless, though. I wouldn't sign a lease or be monogamous with him. Tell him to get help. But he doesn't sound like the last two.
"who makes you feel insecure and unattractive"
Does he really?
@21: No, I'm not leaving that part out. Having more than one partner doesn't mean you don't care whether you lose one of them because you have a spare.

One big part of poly, I have found, is confronting those dark parts of human nature like jealousy and, yes, hypocrisy. I think that, if we could, we would all have the freedom to shag whoever we wanted, but that our partners would only desire us. That's what the lizard brain wants. The rational brain has to then remind you that that's hypocritical and unrealistic. Her feelings are understandable; I didn't say they were rational. Feelings, by definition, are not rational. It's the way you deal with them that's important, and she is doing it all wrong (and, yes, as @15 says, pushing him to the very outcome she is so afraid of).
@24: So, to use your parallel, is it understandable that a lesbian might worry that her bi girlfriend would leave her for a man, because this does in fact happen on occasion? Of course it is understandable. But the lesbian has to deal with those worries, talk frankly with her girlfriend about those worries, rationally assess the likelihood that the worries have any foundation in reality, and let time prove her girlfriend's commitment to the monogamous relationship. Or just not date a bi woman in the first place. Similarly, if TFRMSLGF is so paranoid about being dumped for a new partner and simply can't get past these feelings, perhaps she shouldn't be in a poly relationship. They're a challenge, and not everyone is cut out for it.
I think we should look a little more in-depth into this pink asshole thing.
Sometimes I write Dan a letter, and in writing it, my situation becomes much clearer to me. The angst settles out and the facts become just the facts. Much easier to see my own way through at that point. When I read letters as striking as these, I can't help but wonder if the writers read them before sending......but then, sometimes, maybe we need the validation of hearing it from the outside. I'm with Dan, all these people need to go, post haste and heretofore with.
BiDanFan @28
>> we would all have the freedom to shag whoever we wanted, but... our partners would only desire us. >>

That's how I experience poly, yes. But some lucky people actually enjoy hearing about their partners' desire for other people -- in a joyful compersive way, not a cuckold-humiliation way. Mr. P. wants me to be a slut, because that's what he wants, not as a matter of fairness.
I'm 24-year-old male and gender-fluid and I've recently begun being more so than just a label (buying clothes, etc.) and my partner is supportive but she's having a hard time accepting it. She says feels like she's losing her boyfriend of many years. To make maters worse we are both poly. I live with her and her boyfriend after breaking up with my previous girlfriend of seven years.
... Right, that was meant to be a quote followed by content. What I was going to say was... 24 years old, boyfriend of "many" years, previous girlfriend of seven years? I can't really judge being partnered from a young age, at 31 I've been with the same person for 13 years, but it seems like someone who hasn't been single since his mood teens at the latest could possibly benefit from a time out.
Mid teens. Ugh. Sorry. Gonna stop posting now.
@BiDanFan @ EricaP; others; to me Poly just seems incomprehensible, how is this situation navigated? I do feel respect for those who have and are overcoming feelings of jealousy etc.
Thanks Lizza, for answering my qu.
Huh! I always thought it was "Ditch The Mother Fucking Asshole." :P
LW #2. You are a lot nicer than I am (or you're a willing doormat, but here I am trying to be nice). I would have told that witch off in more than a few ways.
@36, different people navigate it differently. There are guidebooks, like Opening Up and More Than Two. And there are a lot of discussion groups online. And poly potlucks, where people can meet other poly people and talk about what works and what doesn't work for them.

Most people can fall in love with more than one person in a lifetime; some people don't need to lose the love they feel for Person A before they fall in love with Person B. Or they have a looser definition of love.

Obviously, there can be scheduling issues and emotional issues and STI issues. But none of them are insurmountable if the people are motivated to push forward.

Analogy: Having children adds to a couple's scheduling & emotional issues, but many people still go ahead and have children.
Uhhh..the concept of self-respect may be useful to these authors. I'm pretty sure you could bounce these situations off of pretty much anyone in the world and get a solid recommendation as to a course of action.
@11 he deleted his account rather than change the password because his GF is an abusive dick who wanted him to be isolated.
Anal bleaching could be the cause of a pink asshole. While I don't have statistics, it is probably that gay bottoms do this more often than straight guys. (Otherwise pink buttholes seem to be the birthright of blondes and redheads.
LW1: I could have written your letter, although I married the guy. First two years we were together were great (ok, good), then as soon as we got married, he preferred porn over sex. We went FIVE YEARS without having sex (lots of tears on my part, several different counselors etc. My self esteem was destroyed). The *only* reason I didn't leave sooner is because I had a stable house for my daughter (not his).

Last year I wrote to Dan, who wisely told me to DTMFA: I finally gathered the courage and did. As a result I am with a guy who thinks I'm hot and sexy as hell, and we have a fabulous relationship. You aren't married, so why the hell are you staying? It's ONLY going to get worse, I promise you. Get the hell out, now. Good luck.
Here's the DTMFA theme song:…
Funny how LW2 starts with how his gender fluidity might be a problem when really it's just that his GF is a snooping bitch.
LW1: I could have written your letter, although I married the guy. First two years we were together were great (ok, good), then as soon as we got married, he preferred porn/masturbation over sex (it was "easier". Uggghhh). We went FIVE YEARS without having sex (lots of tears on my part, several different counselors etc. My self esteem was destroyed). The *only* reason I didn't leave sooner is because I had a stable house for my daughter (not his).

Last year I wrote to Dan, who wisely told me to DTMFA: I finally gathered the courage and did. As a result I am with a guy who thinks I'm hot and sexy as hell, and we have a fabulous relationship. You aren't married, so why the hell are you staying? It's ONLY going to get worse, I promise you. Get the hell out, now. Good luck.
@36 Also, not everyone feels jealousy. People vary a lot. Personally, I've never felt jealous when in a healthy relationship. If I'm starting to feel jealous or insecure, it means there's a problem between me and my partner, and it has nothing to do with anything my partner is or isn't doing with someone else. So, restricting actions with other people wouldn't help at all, we'd have to fix the issues between us or give up and break up. People vary a lot. Pretty much the classic mistake people make is assuming that other people think, feel, and react in pretty much the same way they do. It's often true, but it's also often false. Which is why the same things aren't right for everybody, and we should each find what works for us.

That said, I hate one-way poly when it seems to be based on one partner insisting it be that way, rather than both partners actively desiring that. The latter can happen, but it generally has issues of a mutually desired power imbalance, and thus is more like consensual BDSM - actions that are fine with consent and complementing desires, but that are abusive without consent or when you try to force it onto someone who doesn't desire it. Of course, in this case, there are so many other signs of abuse that it's pretty clearly an abusive partner, so get the fuck out of there as soon and as safely as possible.
@26 Maybe the relationship could be salvaged with lots of work... but I don't see any indications it's worth the time and energy to find out. Just because extreme measures might salvage a relationship doesn't mean it's worth putting them in. What is worth staying for? is an important question to ask. And I'm not seeing much. It can also be difficult to recover from this sort of thing, even if the partner being terrible gets better, because the other partner will often have developed some bitterness and resentment. Basically, it's low odds of recovery with a lot of work needed - there are no kids, no significant commitments, and I'd give better odds on them each being happier if they broke up than if they stay together and try to fix it. So, I agree with Dan that all of these are DTMFA cases.
LavaGirl @36, With honesty and respect.

Everyone involved needs to be prepared to feel single at least some of the time, they need to be sure they’re treating their partners well and they need to defend their own boundaries and recognize their own limits.

There are people who are only truly happy when they are surrounded with lots of people all the time. These folks are the ones who will enjoy Sunday dinner with their partners and their partners’ partners and everyone’s kids, and they will all go off to Poly camp together for two weeks in the summer. They will tell you that some people use their own time to pursue sports or hobbies and they use theIr own time to pursue and maintain relationships. Because they’re so social they do a lot of outreach and are by default often the ‘face’ of poly. These folks weird me out. They’re great people with terrific social skills but I don’t relate. I need a lot of alone time.

There are other folks who just compartmentalize really well. Each relationship has its own life and raison d’être and there may not be much crosstalk. This is more or less the category I fit into. I live with my husband, date my boyfriend and make occasional booty calls. I’ve had boyfriends in this category (married guys) but compartmentalizing can be hard if you have a full life (which married men with kids tend to).

Some people don’t want the responsibility of being anyone’s exclusive focus. They’ll live alone or with a close roommate and spend time with their lovers the way most people hang with their friends. These tend to be the folks who are my boyfriends/booty calls.

There are lots of other ways. These are the three models I know best. I have a feeling that TFRMSL either doesn’t know what he wants or doesn’t know what he can do or offer which is why he has such a hard time advocating for himself.
Ms Fan - Quite agreed. Interesting that the conversation branched out to instance your style of poly vs that of Msr Erica, as I nearly mentioned that there was such an element to the discussion.
@32 and £48: EricaP and uncreative, you are correct that not everyone does feel jealousy. My partners do not seem to feel it, or they do not feel it in situations where I would. Having feelings of jealousy does not preclude being poly; it just means you need to sort those feelings out, communicate about them, and not use them as an excuse to act like a dick.

I look at it in a similar way to being a musician and feeling a bit nervous before going on stage. For me, even if we've rehearsed to death and I'm confident the gig will be a good one, I still get nervous before a performance. Those nerves tell me that I'm taking it seriously. If I didn't feel a bit jealous of a new person my partner showed interest in, that would tell me that I didn't take the relationship seriously, that I didn't care whether they left me for someone else. Obviously I do care, but I force myself to trust them and to have faith in their commitment to our relationship, because it's only fair that they get to have fun with others too. It's having to adopt a different mindset towards relationships. It may be easier when you start out being poly at a younger age. Again, speaking for me, not for every poly person.
@49 Uncreative - Maybe LW3 has little basis of comparison and is mistaken, but she seems to be wildly attracted to this guy in order to put up with him. Or maybe she is a doormat. In any case, she could keep the few sexy times a month with the gorgeous guy and still look for a better fit if she's not monogamous and is honest with him. And think about living separately soon in any case. His interest might be ignited, or rekindled, before she finds someone else. But she's probably monogamous-minded and should just drop him. If the cow isn't getting milked she should look for a different milker.

Romantic jealousy is the fear of losing your partner. There's a reason people feel this as well as attraction; we're social creatures and preserving relationships feels good. I distrust those who say they don't feel jealousy, or anger or sadness or attraction to other people.. When some human feelings are missing, all the rules change. It usually means something is wrong. But part of being human is learning to deal with these crappy feelings civilly, and best case scenario make them work for you.

"Poly just seems incomprehensible, how is this situation navigated?"
When I fell in love with Seandr, my boyfriend was first hurt, upset, even angry.
"Don't I milk you well my love?"
"How could you think of looking at another when you have the perfect man?"
I refused to be swayed. I knew that I needed Seandr in my life, that the hole he would leave would devastate me. I couldn't turn my back on those feelings. Not even for my man. After much weeping and talking and dropping, he left for a few days. Oh the uncertainty and misery, I had to dig deep. He came back. And I can still post here :)
Then yesterday I asked him,
"How was your date?"
"It was awesome, she kept me up all night, I am beat. I'm totally going to keep seeing her."
These are a couple ways poly can happen.

I hope I'm not a creepier obsessor than rowing@dawn.
@52 I absolutely agree that you can experience jealousy and be poly. I know people who fit into that category. I didn't mean to imply otherwise. I just think it's important to point out that the assumption that jealousy is an issue for everyone is a false one. I really think that it's important for people to have some sense of just how widely people vary. It's part of why a lifestyle that can be totally wrong for one person can be right for another. They may or may not vary in how they experience jealousy, that's just one of countless ways in which people can vary, but it does make for a good example of how you just can't assume that the basic responses you might personally have are universal.

@53 Humans vary. Here's an example from the field of psychology. Some people have mental imagery and some do not. Mental imagery is when you close your eyes and picture something in your mind. For a long time, there was a huge debate in the field of psychology over whether this was a truly a form of seeing things in your head or whether that was simply a metaphor for a way of thinking about things. Both sides thought the other side was denying the blatantly obvious... until somebody figured out that some people do have a true form of visualizing in their mind and some people do not and use other methods. Neither type of person is broken. There's a huge impulse to constantly call the different "broken". We see this with homosexuals and now with asexuals and now you want to do it with people who don't get jealous. Why? Why not just assume some people are different, when the evidence supports it. Instead, you want to pathologize me for not getting jealous? Personally, I think it's because I am far more concerned about relationships lasting longer than they should (which I have seen too much of) than I am of relationships breaking up. My own relationship history has tended toward very long relationships. And I simply don't think anyone can be a threat to me, because nobody else can be me. Either my partner wants me or my partner does not. And if my partner does not want me, then I do not want my partner any more. But nobody else can offer my partner the chance to be with me, so how can anyone else endanger my relationship? Besides, I know I am awesome. So if my partner is foolish enough to give me up, then I would rather be with someone better. I suppose you might consider me a touch vain, and that can be pathologized, but I think of it as having a healthy amount of self-respect and self-esteem.
@54 thank you so much for posting about this! I had no idea there was such variation in the ability to create mental images.

For others who didn't know, this link lays it out:…

And this is a bonus, something I stumbled on in all this research into human variation:…
@55 The second link was quite amusing. I was aware that some people squat. It's actually supposed to be physically better... something about how it makes things align physically. But toilets aren't designed for a squatting position. I've wondered if we could engineer toilets for a comfortable squat without the risk of missing or too much splashing.

I am rather fascinated by human variation.
@Uncreative - "Instead, you want to pathologize me for not getting jealous?"
No, I don't want to pathologize you. I've never actually heard of a basic emotion being missing (closest would be loss of empathy in the case of a psychopath). It sounds like you're saying that you do not feel jealousy at all. But I believe not only humans but all mammals experience jealousy, so this is surprising. In my view, for every need there is a fear of not meeting that need, for attachment that fear is called jealousy. So I think we are probably too different for me to be able to understand.
@55 -- THANK you for that first link. Suddenly the baffling opinions of many educated, self-aware female posters on Slog, and their off-key generalizations about men make a lot more sense to me.
(Specifically this part: "My theory is that the women in this case are committing a Typical Psyche Fallacy. The women I ask about this are not even remotely close to being a representative sample of all women. They're the kind of women whom a shy and somewhat geeky guy knows and talks about psychology with. Likewise, the type of women who publish strong opinions about this on the Internet aren't close to a representative sample. They're well-educated women who have strong opinions about gender issues and post about them on blogs.

And lest I sound chauvinistic, the same is certainly true of men. I hear a lot of bad things said about men (especially with reference to what they want romantically) that I wouldn't dream of applying to myself, my close friends, or to any man I know. But they're so common and so well-supported that I have excellent reason to believe they're true."

Duh! Of course.)
I've wondered if we could engineer toilets for a comfortable squat without the risk of missing or too much splashing.

See…, third picture, "Combo squat/Western toilet".
@57, my husband feels excitement rather than jealousy when I flirt or have sex with someone else. He does not worry that my interactions with other people might lead me to leave him.

He has felt jealousy in the past, when someone he was crushing on didn't want him at all. But even then, it was more like sadness at what he couldn't have and didn't resemble what I experience as jealousy.
EricaP - I forgot to ask @32: Mr. P. wants me to be a slut, because that's what he wants, not as a matter of fairness.
Did he say this to you, in these words?
If not, and if he is a slut, then he might want you to be a slut because he's a slut.

&@61 I don't find the two to be mutually exclusive. I have often found that a little fear adds to the intensity. This is one way I personally have made jealousy work for me.
@61 Wait, feeling unwanted is feeling rejected not jealous. Jealousy is feeling protective (fairly or not) of a valued relationship, object or status quo.

I think rejection and accompanying loneliness means that you don't fit it, but you are human and social and need to, so you need to change something before next attempt. This feeling is not always helpful either.
Jealousy: X has Y and I want Y. I am jealous of X.

Envy: X has Y and I would like something like Y too. I am envious of X.

I’m jealous when some other person is taking the attention of my beloved, attention I feel is rightfully mine. I don’t want just anyone’s attention, I specifically want my beloved’s attention back.

I’m envious of her for her long, muscular legs and her interesting career. I don’t want to amputate her legs or hijack her career, I wish my own legs were more like hers and that I were more competent and disciplined.

*** *** ***
We discussed sperm competition in another thread as being a genuine alternative to jealousy in the human behavioural repertoire. Poly folks needed to invent the word compersion. Most traits exist in a continuum. We all accept that some individuals are insanely jealous. Why wouldn’t we accept that other individuals are weirdly unjealous?
@62, yes, he said that to me, in those words. In bed, out of bed, he has told me many times that he gets hard and happy thinking of me having sex with other people. (In other words, it's unrelated to what he himself wants to do with other people.)

I'm glad you have found a way to work with your jealousy. I'm just trying to point out that not everyone experiences the same emotions and the ones without the emotions aren't necessarily psychopaths.

And, no, he didn't feel lonely; he had other women trying to get in his pants (such as myself). He just wanted one specific woman who rejected him. Seeing her with other people was painful for him, and it sounds similar to how I sometimes feel when he goes out with someone else. People's feelings are complex and don't always mesh well with the few words we have to describe them.
@64 Alison - I was going to say that these are both envy, but wikipedia agrees that jealousy can be used as a synonym of envy now. I am referring to the meaning that is not shared by any other word I believe " the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection." Something that is already in your own control as opposed to someone else's; jealously guarding your own status as opposed to envying anothers. I didn't realize it necessarily had negative connotations though.

So I guess you can jealously guard monogamy, or being the center of another's attention. Or that fear of loss can fuel a kink instead.

@65 EricaP:- Sorry to doubt your wording, thanks for explaining. I can feel as you describe your husband, but I think it's because of jealousy for me. First was the dislike of monogamy. I dislike hypocrisy more though. And maybe I couldn't feel neutral about trusting my partner with another. So I started liking the thought as it reminded me of my own freedom, or something; this is how it seemed at least. I also think that the happier you feel about non monogamy, the happier it makes your relationship(s), the easier it is to deal with jealousy.
You know those weird murders where teenager A is fixated on teenager B who is in love with teenager C, so gets teenager D (in love with teenager A) to kill teenager C so that B will be available to A?

That’s jealousy. Othello — jealousy.

No, you can’t jealously guard monogamy. Monogamy isn’t a thing that can be hoarded, it’s a concept that belongs to everyone. You can jealously guard your home. You can hover jealously over your partner. It always has a negative connotation because you regard others as a threat to what you have or want to have, and when someone is a threat there is a risk of escalation. If you are jealous because a co-worker gets privileges you don’t, you might spread destructive gossip.

Yes, I feel jealous. When my boyfriend has a new girlfriend, I feel jealous. Fortunately, I am not a disordered teenager or a warlord. I ask to be reassured. Instead of fixating on my perception of a threat to what I already have, I step back, broaden my scope and think about enriching my life in other ways. I think about how glad I am that someone can offer my boyfriend things I can’t and make him happy. I up my game. I imagine meeting the new girlfriend and being friendly with her. I *don’t* think about harming her. Still, she is the occasion of any feelings of distress I might experience which is why it’s jealousy, not simply anxiety.

While a disordered teenager might represent one extreme of the jealousy continuum I am not on the extreme end of the other. I know there are people much less jealous than I am, to the point of not experiencing jealousy at all, because I’ve met them.
@67 Alison - 5. solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something:
The American people are jealous of their freedom.
6. Bible. intolerant of unfaithfulness or rivalry:
The Lord is a jealous God.…

Freedom or the status of 'the one true god' can't be hoarded either. You can jealously guard the status quo. Why are you arguing with me (and wikipedia and the dictionary)?
@66 I think my fears of losing my partner focus on illness and accidents. I'm afraid of people I love becoming horribly ill or getting killed somehow. But it doesn't really focus toward losing them to other people. I do fear loss, but I don't consider it jealousy, because it doesn't inspire any of the typical jealousy sorts of behaviors, and it isn't aimed at competition. I do think it's hard to value someone and not have some fear of loss.

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